Sunday, December 5, 2010

Tooth Fairy-ish Nonsense

Littlest is scared to come out of her room. She counts her teeth before bed and in the mornings just to make sure. Wanna know why? Cause the mean Tooth Fairy on the top of our tree might try and steal them if she isn't careful. Thats right, the TOOTH FAIRY. On top of our tree, and the tree at her school, and the tree at McCrappies, and the tree at Wally.... you get the idea. Tooth Fairy.

You should see the looks I get when she spouts that one out in public. Geesh.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

The Tale of Two Trees

We met in March, married in April, and moved to Montana in May. Whirlwind romance doesn't begin to describe it. It was crazy, stupid, and wrong (in more ways than one). So when I say it was our first Christmas what I mean is: I didn't know anything about being "together" during a holiday, nothing about family traditions, nothing about not going home. Nothing.

And then we had our first big fight. And by "big fight" I mean all encompassing - you're not gonna change me- NO, I'm not just like your Grandma- kinda fight. Basically two bulls met in the china shop and neither bull won. And ya wanna know why? I will tell you why, and he might go all guy-ish and say he doesn't remember or that it wasn't such a big deal but I REMEMBER, cause it was our first fight. And my life was almost over cause of it.

It was all due to the fact that I wanted a fake tree. Not just any fake tree either; I'm talking super fake with ONLY blue and white ornaments. And snowmen. If it wasn't blue, white, or snowman shaped it wasn't going anywhere NEAR my tree. Cause it was our first one and I wanted it to be special, something to be remembered, something to be proud of. His idea of "special" and "proud" were different than mine.

He wanted his ornaments his Momma just gave him on my blue, white, and snowman tree. But he didn't tell me that. He didn't even tell me that his Momma GAVE him the ornaments. I didn't know. I also didn't know that fake tree and 'Montana' don't mix. Its like adding pine-sol and bleach. Or is it Lysol? Anywho- you should never mix cleaning supplies or go on a huffing spree even if it is Christmas.

Back at it: The fight was on, only see it wasn't fair cause I thought we were fighting cause he kept picking on me saying stuff like "I can't believe I married my GRANDMOTHER" and then talk smack about how  Grammy can't cook and how she has a tree that only has blue and white and snowman ornaments. He was mean and hurt my widdle feewings. All the while I kept hurting his just by not recognizing his need for... for..... well, for lack of better wording- tradition.

Tradition doesn't feel like the right word, its something more- like Alice  I didn't have my "muchness" and I didn't even realize it. So long story short it wasn't exactly the bestest first Christmas ever. Unfortunately neither was our second- which was really our third cause he was deployed for the 'real' second one. It was back to the whole "tree" thing again. I just didn't get it; it wasn't about the ornaments.

Fast forward a whole lotta years: The kids and I decorated our tree tonight. We went through every box of ornaments and told stories about some while others were shoved on as fast as possible so they could each hang more than their sibling. Finally the end came and I tucked them into their beds and sat on the couch looking at that dang tree. The kids each put some of Daddy's ornaments on. I saved a few to put on myself. The kids had put all of his right at eye level (so basically the top and bottom of the tree are totally covered with not much in the middle) so I spread them all out and added the ribbons and bows that tiny hands couldn't quite master.

I think I get it now. The ones we love the most are the ones that have been around the longest. I don't care anymore if my tree is bluewhitesnowman. My tree has all colors, shapes, sizes (I like to think its an equal opportunity tree). What makes it great is the stories we share about each one, the memory, the love. Its not about the commercialization- the best ones are made by generations of tiny hands.  And for us its one more way to try and fill in the hole he left behind. For me, its one more physical representation of how that man has made me a better person without even trying.

And it occurred to me that all you can see 
in this pic are the blue and white ornaments,
but I totally swear there are TONs of others.
Stupid flash.

ps: Most awesome tree skirt EVER, handmade by the bestest sister ever. Even if her name is Bert.

pps: I think the angel is about to take a flying leap. Prolly I should cut down the branch that is shoved so rudely up her derrière so she is a little more stable.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Wags: I Love you

I recently tuned into the world of couponing. Never bothered before and oh how very wrong I was. With a little bit of blog reading *which I do anyways* and the purchase of a Sunday paper I too can be a super saver. Example: Todays Walgreens trip

Total for all items: $110.23

Total Walgreens store coupons: $31.75

Total Manufacturer coupons: $ 36.69

Total Register Rewards (cash back to use on next purchase): 25.00

Total Savings: $ 93.44

Making todays grand total a whopping 16.79

Wanna know what 16.79 look like? Whoot, here it is:

Pretty much an awful pic thanks to the dark and rainy crap outside.
Not to mention the blur- why bbry are you blurry? Jerk.

And since my phone is pulling its blurry crap I will just tell you what I got:
4 packages command hooks (the ones that wont mess up the walls) 1 Bic candle lighter, 2 sticker books, 2 mini puzzles, 1 box 100 ct envelopes, 1 box 40 ct envelopes, 2 juicy fruit collectors tins (full of gum), 3 pkgs Breathe Right strips, 3 bags Betty Crocker blueberry muffins, 2 boxes Domino brown sugar, 4 large bags pretzel M&Ms, 2 large bags mint M&Ms, 2 large bags peanut M&Ms, 2 bottles Dawn dish soap, 2 Skittles filled Santa heads, 2 bottles NyQuil, 2 containers of Lysol wipes, 1 box puffs tissues, 6 small packages Russel Stovers chocolate Santas, and one package of pain patches. 

Super Duper Fun : )  Tomorrow is Target day- hopefully it will go as well!!!!  

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

H is for Happy with Him, oh and Halloween

Goofs, I know.

Oldest had to sneak in for this one.
Charley looks like he has a little Captain in him

Littlest pulling her "Anna Nicole" impersonation.

What should have been under the shroud- but it was itchy and had to go

BTW he was supposed to be one of the ring wraiths from
Lord of the Rings. Except he didn't like the hood all the way on
cause then he couldn't see...

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Hoarder Success Story or Fiery Bunghole. Toss up.

Yesterday in my nervous energy state (yep, C is traveling only I don't know when he will actually get HERE) I took it upon myself to clean Littlest room. I should totally be on Hoarders cause after two very full trash bags of toys made their final migration to the trash bin outside her toy box was still overflowing. OVERFLOWING. Geesh, no wonder her dang room was always a mess! Best part is she hasn't even noticed that anything is missing. Serious. Kinda makes me not want to buy her anything for Christmas except for underwear. And maybe socks.

It was during this cleaning spree that something super wrong started happening to me. And by "super wrong" I mean I have flames of fire shooting out of my a*%. FIRE. It was so nasty I had to shower after. Twice. Awesome.

And now you know more about me than you did yesterday.

And I still don't know when Charley is gonna get off his ever lovin tuckas and freakin pick up the phone and tell me when he will be here!!!!

Patience and I are not friends.

Oh, and I'm wearing purple today- so should you


Friday, October 15, 2010

My Car is Possessed and Other Unfortunate Events

Ya know how sometimes you park in front of a building that has rows of windows and you can see your car's reflection? Well, either my car is possessed or the buildings I park in front of are haunted. Seeing as I park in front of lots of buildings I'm inclined to believe that its my car. I try to be good to her, sure the exploding soda cans were an oversight on my part, but maintenance is almost always only a few months late. Now she is expressing her dislike of my ownership or some mean spirited ghost has possessed her. I think its the ghost cause who wouldn't want to be my car??? 

Anywho, besides the exploding radiator and ruptured brake lines we now have the "magic lights." And by magic lights I mean sometimes when I see her reflection the headlights both work and sometimes only one works. And it isn't always the same one thats not working. I'm thinking this poltergeist has personality, likes variety and long walks on the beach. I'm giving her free reign until Charley get here (he gets on the helicopter tomorrow-ish!!!!!) At that point he is gonna kick her sorry butt out of there and my poor baby car can return to normal.

In other news Oldest thought he saw a mouse in the basement. And then I thought I saw mouse poop in the basement. I bought those sticky traps, lots of them, and strategically placed them around the perimeter just like it says to. Do you think I caught the mouse? Nope, that would be too normal for my house. Instead I'm catching birds. Birds with yellow feathers. Birds that have no hope of becoming unstuck from the sticky. Poor birds.

And then there is Littlest. She had to get some shots and shots equal ear splitting screeching, crying, and gnashing of teeth followed by crabby butt. Speaking of butts, yesterday she came out of the bathroom and announced "My butt hates me" and ran to her room. Gotta love my punks : )

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

10 Days

In just 10 days my favorite soldier will be loading up on a helicopter so he can come visit his family. I'm so excited that when I think about it I get nauseous. And he is so excited that he quit calling home cause he would get nauseous too. Pretty much, we are exactly alike except for the parts where we are polar opposites.

 I bet he will be super excited to not live here anymore :) 

Anywho, now I have to go puke cause I thought about it again. In the mean time, what the heck am I gonna do at the airport? Come on creative people, I know your out there......  
I need a sign idea or something fun and I can't think about it cause I get the yucks all over again. Doh! I just thought about it!!! Ug!

Sunday, October 3, 2010

S%*t Happens But This Just Sucks

So here I was all sorts of ready to rejoin the blogging world when I find out about the phone calls being made to some of the other wives in my troop:

     "I wanted to bring this to everyone's attention. Recently a few
spouses in one of our troops have received a harassing phone call.
The calls have happened late at night from a blocked number to home phones and the man on the line whispers to disguise his voice trying to pose as the deployed
spouse. He says that he's not supposed to be using the phone (commo
blackout) so that's why he's whispering. The caller then gets more
harassing as the conversation is ending."

I mean, REALLY?????!!!!!!!?????

And this is actually happened to people I know. Like its not enough that we have to worry about keeping everything together on a "normal" day, now we have to worry about this crap too? Like we don't all worry about our Soldiers every minute of every day, now we have to stress about how some messed up freak got our home number. And what other info does he have? And how does he know our hubbies are gone? What comes when he tires of just phone calls? 

There are some sick sick people in the world and now I have a loaded gun in my house and I won't answer my house phone.

Today I am sad and can't blog the funnies.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Just Shut Up and Do It Already!

I HAVE to start blogging again. Have to! I think about it, I plan out posts in my head, I imagine the crazy comment love, but I keep missing the "Sit my arse in the chair and get it done" part.

Probably because Ive been doing the "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." Good thing I'm medicated again so the world is eating rainbows and pooping butterflies.

And I WILL start blogging again. I miss you. I need you. You complete me.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Don't Ask, Cause I Sure Don't Wanna Tell

One of the very first questions when you meet someone is "So what do you do?" or "What does your husband do?" or something along those lines. I HATE that question. Hate.

Not because I care that people know I'm a SAHM, or that Charley is in the Army. I hate that as soon as people hear that he is Army the follow up question is ALWAYS "Is he deployed?"

Listen up Newbies. I do not want to answer that question. Especially if you are the two repair men that showed up at my house today (did I mention they were 2 hours late because they got lost?)  (And did I mention they were lost because they didn't know the meaning of the word "parallel" and felt to stupid to call me back for clarification?) 

Newbie at the supermarket: Its awesome that you had a neighbor who knew someone who deployed one time, and I am so sorry that you can't seem to remember the name of the base he was stationed at. Oh, and I really am okay with women being in the military. It never crosses my mind that my husband could be cheating on me the entire time he is gone. Its called trust, but thanks for that.

Creepy Neighbor Kid Sporting Man Boobs: Please stop calling me. I do not want to go to a party with you and your 19 year old friends that have all dropped out of the Kentucky public school system. I do not appreciate the rose pictures you text me. I do not want to meet your Momma- I don't really care how much she likes to cook. Why don't I give your number to Charley and let him answer that question. 

I do not want people knowing Charley is gone. Well, I don't care if my B-Dubbers know- but I would rather not share with those I come in contact with here. I don't like knowing that other people in the area know I'm home alone with the kids. It makes me feel all creepy. Especially if they look like the repair guys from today.

This is a new one for me. Charley's last deployment never aroused these feelings. I lived in a Red Neck neighborhood full of nosy people constantly checking out the window to see who was driving down the street; all of whom sported firearms. Its a nice cozy feeling. Safe.

Here I feel like the odd ball cause I am the heavily armed. I had someone tell me they didn't want their kid over at my house because we own guns. Thats a story for a different day, but you get the picture.

And I sure as hell made sure the pistol was loaded as soon as those creepy repair guys left. 

Nothing says confidence like a Lady sporting gun. 

Friday, August 6, 2010

Playing Catch-up

I've been on the quiet side for the last few months- yeah, yeah, summer..... kids..... travel.... blah blah. Unfortunately for me, my excuses have run out as today marked the very first day back to school! Whoot! Sanity will soon reign supreme in the B-Dub hood! Okay, not really- and if I was normal all of a sudden you all would stop reading. Yes, you know who you are! I can see you!

Part of my issue, well, one of my issues, is that I can't sit. I herniated two discs in my back and sitting is pretty much out of the picture till I get it all worked out. Or until I take massive pain pills and muscle relaxers, but then I can't type or complete a sentence or stop rubbing my nose. 

Another suckage for me? The hubbs has the laptop with him in the Ghanistan. No lazy couch surfing for me! I am stuck with the blackberry that takes 4.32 minutes to load a page; which if all you have to do all day is lay around on the couch and pout then 4.32 minutes is an acceptable amount to suffer. It's how I read all your blogs. I'm totally hip with the reading, but waiting even longer to try and post a comment isn't gonna happen. Sorry dogs- 

I have started reading "The Cat Who ..." series by Lillian Jackson Braun; I figured with 25 books in the series I should be occupied for awhile. Unfortunately it leaves me with a sense that my life is not complete due to my utter lack of feline companionship. I have never, ever, not in a million years been a cat person so imagine my surprise when I found myself on the Humane Societies website checking out long haired extra large size cats. No skinny Siamese for me, give me the Big Bertha.

I am also inspired to start my own series of posts called "The Dog Who...." This evenings venture? "The Dog Who Knocked Over 12 Mason Jars of Apple Pie Filling (That Took Me an Entire Day to Make and Can) Without Breaking a Single One." It is a riveting, edge of your seat, nail biting episode of tail wagging, slobbering, drooling, stumbling mess of a dog sharing a heartwarming game of dress-up with his little girl. He couldn't really help himself, he hasn't quite figured out how to walk in a dress. 

Cross dressing is one of his many new hobbies.

Keep an eye out for even more "The Dog Who..." adventures- you never know what kind of mischief a fun loving poop brown dog can get into!  

And on a final note I would be remiss in my obligations as the most awesomest Auntie B-Dub of all time if failed to introduce you to my newest nephew, Peter Arrington Z-Dog.

Don't worry boy, I would cry too if I was covered in cheese.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Southern Cooking

So today I might have taken a few too many prescription meds which might have lead to some fun activities like writing a cookbook. Cause who doesn't write recipes when all jacked up on prescription meds? 

My big idea was to take my fav recipes and give them a southern twist. My world came crashing down about 3 minutes in cause everything I know about cooking can be summed up in 3 rules of thumb: 

1. add a minimum of 1 stick of butter per recipe.
2. for savory dishes, use Lawry's Seasoned Salt
3. deep fry everything, including candy bars dipped in funnel cake batter. Its delish, I promise.

Yeah, that about sums it up. Butter, Lawry's, and deep fat fry; the spirit of all things Southern Cookin.

That also explains why I gained like 15lbs this summer.

That, and cake. 

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

In Case You Were Wondering

Summer has been happening. And cake. Lots and lots of cake.

It started with a dance in the rain

Chinese birthday lunch for a punk who is now 4.

Making a new best friend flamingos named "Flamingo"

Lots of snuggles with my Bo Biscut



Then there were these things that swarmed my babies. If you can call  4 and 10 years old a babies...

Then, the very next day, Littlest took a dog bite to the face and kept on kickin

For the first time in 2 years finally went down the slide!

And then we wound up back here. I think thats some kind of record! 3 days in a row, best. vaca. ever.

So we fixed her up with  .... you guessed it! CAKE!

Even Chubaca shared in the festivities! Just look at that restraint! And the demon eye. I think he was trying to use his telekinesis powers. Or maybe he was just constipated. 

And then I shared some finger painting skills with Chicken Wing. He is a quick study.

And now if only Bert would have her dang baby already we could call this an 

"Almost, But Not Quite, Perfect Summer"

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

At Least I'm Not Alone!

I was all prepared to give 12,321 excuses why I haven't blogged lately and then I looked at my reader. Turns out there are TONS of bloggers who can't take the heat and have skipped out- so I won't bore you with my excuses  although some of them ARE really creative and a few are even true. Yeah, I won't even apologize for being gone, I'm just gonna keep on like I never left. Cause you like me that way. And I like me that way. And Chubaca might even like me that way but I decided it was better not to ask. 

And to further distract you TAKE THIS:

This, my Webbers, is my Bo Biscuit. 
He lives in Georgia so I had to go to him. 
And we bonded over Golden Corral biscuits.
And he loves his Auntie B cause she feeds him said biscuits 
(with strawberry jam).
(And M&M's when his parents aren't looking.)

Now that you are totally distracted with the cuteness, I need some help over here. See, on my trip to GA something happened. I was  wrangled into a photography project of mammoth proportion. My Grandpa had a mom- yeah, I know you are totally shocked with that revelation....

Anywho, his mom collected things, like family pictures, and somehow they were passed on to my dad. And he passed them on to me. A whole TUB worth of pictures. And the tub is OVERFLOWING. The upside is that prolly 1/4th of them are actually labeled so I know who they are.... 

And some of them are tintypes (one of the earliest forms of photography) and others are from the late 1800's and early 1900's. Ya know the kind that are fixed onto thick card stock. And they smell bad. Maybe thats cause these were stored in a garage in Texas for years and years and years. And Years. smelly. bad. smells. permeating my house. smelly. bad.

And so here is the part where I need your help. I need a long term storage solution for these photos. Lets face it- even if I don't know who is in them they are still really cool to look at, and they are a small piece of history- my family history to be exact. 

Even better, this nut didn't fall far from the family tree as shown in this tintype of my great great grandfather:

ok, he is the one on the left with the dark hair and mustachio.
Not sure who Country Bumpkin or Colonel Mustard are...

Prepare yourselves for the earliest form of photoshop:

Thats right Mr. Arrington! 
I mean great, ummm something, grandpa! 
You rock those pants!

Said the Burro to the Grandpa,
You are one funny guy.
One day your great, umm something, granddaughter
will write a blog and show the world what a funny 
guy you are. 
I mean were, as you are dead by now...

Dangit, now I feel all insensitive. 
Stupid dead man jokes.
crap, I did it again.

But I really do need storage suggestions...

the end.

Monday, May 24, 2010

I Have Some Good News!!!

I didn't die! I vanquished the ticks! Although my mental state is currently debatable resulting from two sugar rushing kids. S'mores are a girls best friend- at least until that girl grows up and has punks of her own that can't seem to sit still or quit talking after consuming the chocolaty goodness. Anywho, I'm alive and crazy- what else is new???

They couldn't seem to keep the chocolate off their hands.

BTW- this is the view from my back door. 
Any question where the ticks come from?
Didn't think so.

This punk says she doesn't care about the ticks 
so long as there are S'mores involved.

I guess it is officially summer as the boy is now out of school. The teachers pulled a mean joke on us parents by loading the kids up with candy to bring home. Any my oldest decided to share with Littlest so I have two sugar high punks to deal with. again. for the second day in a row. help me. please.

Monday, May 17, 2010

Random Pics on a Random Day

Because my punks hate me I have decided to try and cheer myself up by sharing some awesome pics I have taken recently. I sometimes write a "Random Thoughts on a Random Day" post and this is the photo equivalent. 

BTW- I will never cook dinner ever again. It always ends in screaming, tears, tantrums, "I'm not gonna eat that" et cetera. And it isn't like I am cooking fancy here B-Dubbers, I'm talking even the basics like Pot Roast with potatoes, carrots, onions. Or Chicken Alfredo, or freakin spaghetti with Ragu freakin sauce that they specifically freakin asked for and freakin picked out all by themselves at the freakin grocery store. It doesn't matter- If I make it they won't eat it. 

Sorry- needed to rant that one for a minute. On to the funnies.

These are being sold in the MENS DEPARTMENT. I thought the cutoff for action figure undies was 6.

That couldn't have been freakin comfortable, or
 I didn't know dog noses could bend.

She cried herself to sleep after bumping her lip on the table. 
The band aids were self applied, I was unaware.

And for this week's winner:

Are you ready????

I need to own this car 'stach. 
I mean I really, really, really, think I need it.