Friday, January 29, 2010

Don't Ask; Why Would You Tell?

As I promised yesterday we are going to venture into the land of Don't Ask, Don't Tell: a perspective from two Army Guys. Except that when I tried to get the two Army guys to have a serious discussion they decided it would be more fun to play devils advocate for each other. I'm all "Really Charley? Can't we talk about this for real?" and he was all "But we are, well, mostly."

Some background info on Trist: Born and raised in the Seattle area. Proudly announces that 1/3 of the population there is gay (edited: should read third largest population of gay people in the US of A, sorry Trist!!), and he loves the gays, and the rest of the country needs to pull it's head out of somewhere unpleasant and accept everyone.

Some background info on Charley: Born and raised in Montana. Mostly Conservative, but likes thinking outside the box. No problem with gays, wants me to have a gay bff to go shopping with and tell me how to dress. Can see both sides of almost every argument, likes to take the road less traveled. Likes to come up with ridiculous arguments and logics and then tell everyone else how un-enlightened they are for not seeing things his way, even when he knows he is wrong.

The TRUE issue with gay men in the military as agreed on by both Trist and Charley, well, at least for this discussion: Combat MOS's (mos= type of job or "military occupation specialty") tend to have a higher rate of jerks, bullies, and guys who didn't finish high school. Mostly meat heads who will tear anyone apart for any sign of weakness. Like a rabid dog after a bone. And I have heard stories people, mostly all of them exaggerated, but even the watered down version is scary. Now add in a gay male, even with what-ev protection the government comes up with. What do you get? A guy who is going to be hurting one way or the other. Cause combat guys aren't nice. Ever. Except the ones who are like Charley and Trist.

Serious issue right? Except from here we dissolved into the ridiculous.

See, Trist thinks that gay guys in combat MOS's would be AWESOME. And he wants one of them to fall madly in love with him, not cause he is gay or anything. More because if someone totes luvre him, then that person is the best guy around to be in a gunfight with. Cause that guy will do anything in his power to make sure Trist makes it out alive. Hmmm. Good reason to allow openly gay guys into he military? You tell me.

I interrupted at this point to ask about lesbians. Why were all the scenarios about gay MEN instead of including WOMEN??? The response? "Cause lesbians are cool, no one has a problem with lesbians." Really guys, really? Have you ever watched Work Out on Bravo? Jackie would kick your asses! Twice.

And, by now I should know not to bring females into the discussion, but I opened the can and Charley wasn't going to let me forget about it. His response to Trist's point of view? Thats why they don't allow women into combat mos. With all the love going on no one would think straight. And its not safe for the ladies, not cause they can't fight just like we do but cause they would have to spend a lot of their time fending off the advances of the guys in the unit.

He continues: And if we are going to let gay men flaunt about openly then everything needs to be co-ed. Co-ed MOS's, co-ed units (which there already are, just not combat ones), co-ed showers.

Halt. Excuse me? Co-ed showers? Where the heck did that come from? He says co-ed showers are the same thing as having gay males in the shower. I object. It is not at all the same. There will be no co-edness in the shower happening while I'm around.

Charley spend the rest of the evening trying to convince me of this co-ed shower thing. I maintain that it is not at all the same, and if the military really tried to make things co-ed they would step into the realm of womens right, sexual harassment, and any number of badness acts. There is a reason that females are not allowed in combat mos's. And those reasons don't disappear because someone comes out of the closet. But he says I'm biased.

Yeah, see what I mean about the whole "descending into chaos" that happens every time I try to have an intellectual discussion? Ridiculous. So I am calling on you Internet. Help me come up with arguments against Charley's co-ed shower theory. Because he thinks I am biased, and maybe I am a little, but it feels like wrongness. Badness. Worrisome.

And he is talking me in circles again and I can't keep my arguments straight when he does that. Give me fuel for my fire. Help me talk some sense into this man.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

The State of My Union

Yeah, I watched the State of the Union speech last night. I have mixed reactions to some of the things Obama said but that is neither here nor there. What IS here is some of the things Charley busted out with while watching, he kills me Webby Friends, kills me! For example:

Me: Um, what exactly is Joe Biden laughing at?

Charley: Who knows? He is the George Bush of the Democratic party.

Me: Oh, makes sense. Everybody needs one.

Or how about this one:

Me: Can you tell the senate is divided? Look at how all the Dems are going to town with the standing ovation while all the Repubs are firmly seated and most aren't even clapping!

Charley: It's prolly cause Obama keeps scowling at them.

Me: Either that or its cause Skelator, I mean Pelosi, keeps looking at them with her laser x-ray vision and they are too afraid to move.

Charley: Yeah, she scares the poop out of me. If looks could kill, she would be the absolute supreme slayer of the senate.

And on a more serious note, I feel the need to share some knowledge with you. Obama stated last night that he was going to have all "combat" troops out of Iraq by August. The Dems were out of their seats once again, pan over to the Military Guys who sat stone faced through the entire affair. No reaction. And here is why:

Even once we pull out our "combat" troops we will still have around 60,000 US troops who will STAY in Iraq. There is no "Pulling everyone out" that some have thought will happen. And Obama brushed by this by saying we will continue to support the Iraq government.

For a great analogy take a look at Germany. It has been how many years since we HAD to be there. The Nazi's were defeated before I was born and yet we have multiple military bases still operating there today. We started off by staying to "support the new government" and eventually Germany turned into a great overseas base of operations.

I predict that Iraq will be the next Germany, although without the whole "Now its a great place to be stationed" part. Who would willingly live in the desert? Not I. But I would give Germany a whirl. In fact, it is one of our goals to be stationed there before we (and by "we" I mean "he") retires.

Enough of the heavy. Tomorrow's topic? Don't ask, Don't tell: A perspective from two Army soldiers (Charley and his battle buddy Tristan). And they are water and oil people, or perhaps vinegar and oil is more descriptive. Unless they both decide that I can't publish their views. And then I will list them and anonymous. Or just not write it cause I want to keep the state of MY union with my hubby happy and peaceful. We shall see.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Cousin It. For Real

Ever wonder what happened to Cousin It from the Adams Family? Wonder what happened when he hooked it up with the red headed chick? Didn't they procreate? The answer is yes, oh yes indeed. And I have proof.

Because I am somewhat convinced that I could be Cousin It's long lost spawn. Just look at the resemblence. Sure I keep my do somewhat shorter these days but thats just because I hated having to move my hair to the side if I wanted to sit down. Nothing worse than sitting on your own hair. Trust B-Dub.

And yes, I am also very aware of the fact that I need to get hair did again. Just look at those ends. Ouch. But strangely- or not so strangely, I am not in the mood to deal with it.

Speaking of strange did you watch GMA this morning? Normal Weight Obesity? Really?!?!?!?!?!?! So now being skinny is not enough? You want me to be fit too? Aarrgg. I am doomed to die all skinny and yet still obese. Big ol jerks. Thanks for ruining my day!

Whats that? I just have to worry about belly fat and not the booty fat? Well alrighty then! I am all over that, as I have the small waist and super J-Lo style booty. What, Robin Roberts? Booty fat is good for you? I am officially the healthiest person around. Pear shapes apparently rock. But if I'm keeping it real I would admit that I would rather have MODG's bottom half. Good thing for my self esteem I'm not in a keeping it real kind of mood today. Tee Hee.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Excitement is in the Air

I've got a feeling that tonights gonna be a good night
Yeah, tonights gonna be a good, good night!

My older bro returned from a vacation deployment yesterday. And if you didn't know, Chair Force, I mean Air Force deployments are really short in comparison to Army ones. His was about 4 months long. Army = 12 plus months. Totally different. He went to Qatar. And sat around, and took some online classes in his spare time. No knocking down doors, no getting shot at, no IED's. Lucky!

Anywho, the point is that I'm happy he is home. Even if it was an extended vacation. And I find myself struggling to not tease him. So instead I will change the subject!

My older bro, whom we shall call Coolio, is all bff with my hubby. They can talk for hours and hours and hours. Buncha GIRLS! In fact, I sometimes think that Coolio likes Charley more than me. And that Charley might in fact like Coolio more than me. It's a tough spot to be in. And ya know what they say: If you can't beat em, join em. So thats what I do. I join in the "My gun is cooler than your gun" conversations. I join in the hunting parties. I am the sticky smelly stuff that holds this pack together. Wait, that's Sid the Sloth from Ice Age. Great, now I'm a sloth...


Coolio turns to Charley for hunting advice, because lets face it- if Coolio ever actually shot an animal he would prolly hide his head in a bush and cry. Cause he is a lover not a killa. I, on the other hand, am a somewhat experienced hunter. And by somewhat experienced I mean I am a grouse slaughtering machine- but the deer are safe. But only because I never can find them. They are better at hide and seek. Lamer.

I would like to point out for all you hunter haters that we eat what we shoot. And we don't shoot unless we are going to eat whatever it is we are shooting at. Except coyotes. They are Charley's arch nemesis, and the terror of small children. So here it is: 1 deer will feed my family for MONTHS. And the grouse are like chickens. In fact, the word grouse means chicken in German. And it tastes really good wrapped in bacon, or fried. But what doesn't, I ask you?

Coolio flew out to Montana to join us in a hunting expedition last year. It was super fun! Gma Jo kept the punks so it was just Coolio, Charley, and myself. Unfortunately the deer played a rousing game of hide and never be found, unless you count the does and fauns. And we couldn't shoot those. But all was not lost! We did come across the worlds largest rabbit. And that rabbit make a super yummy stew.

Coolio and his Rabbit, that Charley shot
for him so he wouldn't have to cry.

And if you are lucky, I will share some pics of the deer that Charley brought home later in the season. My in-laws are  awesome and came to visit to learn me all about butchering. Because everyone who is anyone who happens to have married a Montana Boy needs to know how to butcher a deer. That would be me. And I am feeling like today is a lucky day, so here we go: DISCLAIMER, do not scroll down unless you want to.

See, thats not so bad. You mostly can't see anything at all. Now SHUT UP PETA/ANTI-HUNTING EQUIVALENTS, I was feeding my family. And it sure was good eats!

Welcome home Coolio, glad your back, and Charley wants to know if you are available for a hog hunt before he deploys? Also, he says he misses you and wants to know if he can call you, and if you will wear the best friends forever bracelet that he made you. Lame-o's.