Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Phone Calls, The Skinny, and Kokopelli

Charley called last night, Whoot! It was actually morning for him, but what ev. The good news? He called before the kids went to bed so they actually got to talk to him. Oldest filled him in on how school is going, and how we "get" to make a diorama for school. And by "get" I obviously mean "forced." The amount of homework coming home is killer.

Littlest decided to talk about the Army and how she misses her Dadda when he is away at the Army. Might have shed a tear, her not me, and then she was distracted by America's Funniest Home Videos. Dadda didn't mind as the result was a big belly laugh with some snorting thrown in. Poor kid, she gets that from me.

I was telling Charley about the homework situation:

Me: So Oldest's math homework just about killed me yesterday. There was long division, fractions, and word problems.

Charley: Let me guess, you couldn't do the word problems.

Me: WHAT! How did you know!

Charley: Well, it wasn't too hard to guess, you couldn't do the 3rd grade word problems either.

Me: It really is lame, who needs word problems anyways?

Charley: You better get a math book and figure out how to do them, otherwise the Teacher will think you are blonde.

Me: I hate you.

In other news I have decided I hate the Olympics. They make me stay up way to late at night and make me feel like I have to work out. Why? Who knows, something about being skinnier than me. Except for the speed skaters of course. Have you seen the SIZE of their thighs? I mean really? But they do get to wear super fantastic spandex so I guess it isn't a total loss.

So now my abs are killing me and I walk all funny due to the rubber bands that have replaced my legs. All I am gonna say is I better get the skinny with a quickness. For Real.

My bloggy friend Rabbit recently wrote about Kokopelli who is this guy:

And if you have seen Littlest Punk's floor, which most of you haven't but I will tell you anyways, she has two of these guys depicted in a tile mosaic. Smack Dab In The Middle Of Her Floor. She calls them her "Dancing Men."  Unfortunately, that description is a bit too accurate. As Rabbit points out: 

"Legend has it, everyone in the village would sing and dance throughout the night when they heard Kokopelli play his flute. The next morning, every maiden in the village would be with child."

To which I say, if there is any "dancing" or "magical flute playing" I will attack the floor with a sledge hammer.

That is all.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Are You Smarter Than A 4th Grader? No.

The best thing about homeschooling your punks is that they KNOW you are smarter than they are. You get to pick subjects that let you rant and rave and show how much cooler you are than them. Because you are smarter. Oh, and prettier.

Unfortunately for me, my home school reign has officially ended, as of yesterday. And nothing is worse than KNOWING you are not as smart as the other 4th graders. My punk might be, but I am not. I struggled with his homework last night like you wouldn't believe. He picked up on what was happening long before I did.

I can handle the long division, I can handle the fractions, and the mixed fractions. But the word problems? I know that at one point I knew how to solve them. And I remember it being easy. But last night, nada. And really, who cares that SoandSo had 2343 dollars after a week and saved 343 dollars more each day and how much did he save on each day? All I know is that I want to save $2,343 a week! Show me the MONEY!

And really, if someone has to take a boat, an airplane, and a train ride then they could prolly afford to charter a plane and cut out all the middle crap anyways. It would save them tons of time in the long run. Geesh.

So wish me luck, and lets hope I can keep up with the homework. Otherwise I might have to admit to the punk that I am not as smart as I have made myself sound all year. And that would not be cool AT ALL.

Just to prove I am the prettier one, here is Charley in his 
birth control glasses. Army issued of course.

And speaking of Charley, it has officially be a week since I saw him last. I am over it. He can come home now. Aarrgg. The good news? He made it over without any incident, and will be in Afghanistan itself in a few days.