Friday, May 7, 2010

Come See My Shame

One of my Favorite Bloggers is Amanda over at Martinis or Diaper Genies (MODG). She periodically gets her crap together and posts a Confession Friday, in which you leave a comment depicting your most humiliating/gross/unusual comment. She compiles the results and pics some winners.

Guess what? I won this week. So head on over and see what you've been missing!

Thursday, May 6, 2010

If Your Kids Ever Mutiny, I Feel Your Pain

Having two punks home this week was not fun. Not fun at all. They played this super fun game called "Tag-Team" to see just how crazy they can make me. I did NOT enjoy this game. Littlest, who is used to having 8 hours of Momma time a day, decided she would make sure I couldn't spend time with Oldest. Should I choose to disobey her rules she dished out the punishment. Not being one to submit without a fight I ignored her tantrums, I am the MOM after all- and isn't that what Mom's are for? To ignore their kids? 

Anyways, I decided to snap some pictures of my favorite Littlest Moments (and how to fix 'em). Wait, I just realized that one is a video and I don't know how to post a video. Dang it.

I was helping Oldest with some things in his room. Littlest got really quiet. Quite is BAD, especially from her. I decide to investigate as I could hear her on the stairs and she shouldn't be on the stairs. I walked out of Oldest's bedroom and right there on the wall was a giant letter H. This letter H was followed by more letter H's. They went side by side down one wall, around the corner, and up the wall by the stairs. 

I bought Mr. Clean Magic Erasers and made her little ornery butt scrub them all off the walls. And I only ripped out about 4 hairs out of 10 (like that rating system?) from the Letter H fiasco. 
*end visualization*

Now the one that really got to me happened this morning. Oldest and I have been working on a model helicopter for a few days. And what I really mean is I have been working on it while Oldest watched. Littlest had enough of me spending time with her brother and demonstrated it in a new and unique way. She spilled Barbie Pink nail polish all over my bathroom. See:

And this is only part of the disaster. It covered the floor too.

Here is where my compulsive need to hoard come in super handy. I had this old toothbrush that I was planning on using for Chubaca. It worked great in combination with nail polish remover to get all the paint off the counter. 

Think I can still use this on Chubaca?? .......
Is that a "No?" I figured.

The real magic here wasn't so much the bristled side of the tooth brush, but the tongue scraper side. You know the rubbery thing thats stuck to the back of the toothbrush.
See? This part here works fantastic for the pools of hardened paint!
Oh, and for the floors I dumped out remover and mopped it. Worked great!

You can see by the background that all Barbie Pink polish has been successfully removed. This one ended up with an 8 out of 10 ripped out hairs. Since there is no school tomorrow either I imagine that she will try yet again to hit that magic 10. At which point no amount of Xanex in the world can help me. 

And on a totally sad note: All the playing in poop water took its toll on Chubaca's feet. The pads on his back feet are all torn up and starting to get infected despite the  massive quantities of peroxide I have been using on him. The up-side? He can totally rock out the two sock look.

Littlest showed her rarely seen Sweet side when I was bandaging Chuey's feet. She pet his head and loved on him. Then as a reward for his good behavior she added accessories to his bandaged feets.

And every dog wants Dora band-aids. Trust me.
And I promise that towel used to be clean.
Well, before I cleaned out his paws it was.
Apparently peroxide doesn't agree with my towels.
Or maybe it works really great and got all the junk off his paws.
Either way- still looks gross in this picture.
Think I can win the "Longest Picture Caption" award?
I bet if I tried really hard I could.
But then you would prolly get bored and leave me forever.
And I can't have that cause I need you.
You keep me sane. 
Well, on most days.
The End.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Flooding = Swimming in Poop

When we moved to Clarksville I was all bummed out to see the actual size of the hill our house is on. Every time I have to mow the grass I kick and scream and curse the hill. Now that the entire city is flooding I feel bad. I mean really bad, so bad in fact that I baked the hill some cookies and called it Sweetheart. I think we are on the road to forgiveness; well, I hope so anyhills. 

The flood waters reached right up to my yard and then stopped! Not that they had much choice as the hill has started forgiving me and was all "You can't get these people, Mr. Flood Waters! She bakes me cookies and whispers sweet nothings to me. And she picks up the dog poop so I don't have to smell it." And the hill protected us. It was like magic!

So today to celebrate our survival we decided to let Chubaca play fetch in the water- one of his favorite activities.

 Now, anyone with little Punks knows that you can't have water + kids + splashing without letting the kids play in the water too. So I did what any Redneck type of Momma does and let the kids play. And the neighbor boy joined the party. And by "boy" I mean 19 year old who lives with his parents, doesn't work, and I think he has a crush on me. He just texted me a picture of a rose. I'm scared.

But not as scared as I was earlier when he decided to take his shirt off. I thought my eyeballs were gonna fry right out of my head. Its just not right that a guy has bigger boobs than me. Just sayin.

So after a few hours of playing even Chubaca got tired. The kids are pooped. Well, Littlest just got her second wind so I guess it didn't work out quite like planned. Speaking of poop! As I was attempting to herd the kids up the hill to have some lunch another neighbor came over. Turns out the sewage treatment plant is completely underwater resulting in raw sewage pumping into the river. Awesome. I let my kids swim in poop.

One more negative from the flooding is all the creepy crawlies that have come out to play. Snakes are NOT my favorite. Turtles are okay, it was especially funny to see one kick Chubaca's arse!!!

Moral of the Story: Don't let your kids play in poop water full of snakes unless your name is B-Dub and you are a Redneck. Oh, and don't let creepy 19 year olds have your phone number. Ever.