Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Because I can.

B-Dub; Tray; Beccum; and T

 These are my People, my Peps, my crew, ... my gaggle? my flock? my herd? Um, I should stop.
My people keep me laughing. Like when Beccum said
"My Grandma got my baby a little stuffed dog. Its black and white. I think its a dachshund." Only, I thought she meant that the little black and white dog was a "Dalmation" and it was pretty funny that she got all mixed up and called it a wiener dog... only joke was on me cause she really did mean a dachshund...
Or how about how Tray is letting me lean on her in this picture cause I had on a wet bikini top under my tank and it looked like I was lactating, only instead it made her hips stick out funny so she looks preggers!
My top was all wet cause  I did this all day:
This was a big ol' water slide. I haven't laughed so hard in all my life. And I don't think I could move the next day- I ain't as young as I used to be.  

This should put the slide into perspective for ya. See the blue and yellow part at the bottom of the picture.  Yeah, thats the wall that you crash into at the bottom of the slide. It hurt me, it hurt me real bad. 
But not as bad as Tray. She has a gargantuan bruise on her leg to prove it. I don't bruise very easy, so no one had any sympathy for me. Stingy Tray- hoggin all the bruising!

I would also like to add that this picture was taken only moments prior to your one and only me slipping; and taking out most of the  people below me. It was wet, and they put me in the middle. Did I mention that it was slippery? 

And as embarrassing as that was- cause then people didn't want to play with me anymore- it wasn't the worst part of my day. Oh no. The worst part was courtesy of my littlest punk. This deserves some background info:

Punk #2 loves to slide. She and her Dadda would take trips to the park so she could go "sliding." It was their bonding time. I was not invited. I tried to not let it hurt my feeling. But only cause I was at work and couldn't go anyways.

So here we are at Tray's and I am thinking "Huzzuh! I can finally top the Dadda sliding trips!" Now this particular slide is double sided. You can tell from the pic above that there are stairs on one side and the slide on the other. Well, imagine the backside being the exact opposite of the front. 

I was heading up the stairs with Punk #2. Kinda tricky, probably, I should have gone up once by myself so I would know what to expect. Nope, we just went. Up, up, up, we go to the top by crawling up those little purple rectangle shaped steps. 

About half way up my punk changes her mind and decided that it would be better to not slide. Sliding is suddenly Soooo yesterday. Nobody SLIDES anymore Momma, really!

So I did what I had to. I let her cling to me like a monkey and dragged her up the remaining stairs. Now balancing precariously at the top; I swung her around and had her sit so I could assume the position behind her. 
This is where things went wrong. Very wrong. I would also like to add that we separated the sliding time so kids had kid time, and adults had adult time. It was better this way. Adults are prone to doing stupid things to try and impress their friends; we could avoid most injuries through separation. So I was hauling my punk up the slide during kid time. Not adult time. Kids- mostly 9 - 12 year old boys. Boys.
So as I was swinging Punk 2 around she made the mistake of looking down. And it was WAY down. Like, she was higher up than she had EVER been before. She did not like it. She did not like it, not one little bit. And then she threw herself backwards cause she knew her Momma would catch her. 
And I did. I caught her fist right in my face, and down I went. I went down hard. On my belly, bo-bo-bo-bo- bounc-bounce- bouncing all the way down the purple rectangles.
I think I may have bitten my tongue. I thought my teeth were going to fall out of my mouth. I wasn't sure if my belly ring was still intact or if it had been pulled free. Only one thing did I know for sure. 
I had lost my top. 
I had lost my top, and I was surrounded by a group of 9 - 12 year old boys.
A group of 9 - 12 year old boys who were staring at me, and laughing, and I think one of them pointed his finger at me. 
A group of 9 -12 year old boys who were pointing and laughing, and pointing, and not helping. Not helping me find my top.
I was laying face down. I couldn't get up. I couldn't see Punk 2. Did she go down the slide the right way? Did I squish her like the little bug she is? I couldn't move. And then somethings happened: 
1. Punk 2 drifted into view- with my top.
2. I heard people coming to investigate. Like ADULT people. I still didn't have my top, and people were 
3. I grabbed my top and donned it in record time; while still face down on the cursed slide; still surrounded by pointing, laughing boys.
And once my top had assumed its rightful position I figured out what was taking everyone so long to rescue me. They were laughing. Like the hurting belly kind of laugh. Like Tray started snorting cause she was laughing so hard kinda laugh.
Ha. Ha. 

On the upside- Punk 2 soon figured out how to play on the slide her own way. On the down side- everyone at the BBQ knew I lost my top. And Tray snorted. 
All that put together is just about as embarrassing as this picture:
But I have to keep it real. And it doesn't get any real-er than this. 
ps. Ramon pushed me. Then later he brought me a hot dog. But only cause he knew I really wanted one.

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