Sunday, March 7, 2010

Applications Now Accepted




I have decided its time to find a new Best Friend! Not that I won't keep my other ones of course, but there is a definite lack of flavor in my life at the moment and a new Bestie is just the way to fix it! Please fill out this short questionnaire for consideration. Thank you.

1. Are you male or female?

2. Do you now, or have you ever obsessed over Lady Gaga?





3. Are you homosexual? If you answer no to this one: Are you willing to be?

4. Are you able to provide fashion advice?

5. Would you truthfully tell me if my ass looked big? or if I had something stuck in my teeth?

6. Are you willing to wear an inscribed BFF bracelet or necklace at all times?



7. Are you willing to accept phone calls and text messages 24/7 for when I am feeling lonely or needy or I if I have a bad dream?

8. Will you accompany me to the restroom regardless of where we are?

9. Are you available for long shopping trips that will (unfortunately) include at least one, but prolly both  punky punks who hate shopping?

10. If you had one ticket to see Lady Ga would you willingly gift it to me because I obviously love her more than you?

11. If I have an identity crisis and  forget, for example, that I am not 18 anymore are you willing to let me down easy?



12. Finally, and prolly the most important, should I lose my mind and decide to get Vagazzled will you happily punch me in the face?



If there is anything super important that you think I may have left off of my BFF application please feel free to let me know. I wanna make sure I get this right Webbers. Its important!

9 comments:

  1. 1 Male
    2 I wouldn't say obsessed but I do like her stuff... her music kicks ass too
    3 No but I can pretend I have a Kids in the Hall-worthy lisp
    4 As a matter of fact yes
    5 yes and yes and why you purse doesn't match your shoes
    6 Only if I can attach it to my nipple ring
    7 yes
    8 yes
    9 If I lives closer but I'm a tad too far away
    10 That would be the reason I had the one ticket... and back stage passes too
    11 Sure
    12 Not happily

    ReplyDelete
  2. 1. Are you male or female?
    Sometimes.

    2. Do you now, or have you ever obsessed over Lady Gaga?
    I was the original Gaga. Rewind several years and you will see Dazey Mayhem on a cross bleeding ON the audience with a crown of thorns to Army of Lover's "Crucified."

    3. Are you homosexual? If you answer no to this one: Are you willing to be?
    That guy at the truck stop sure seems to think so...

    4. Are you able to provide fashion advice?
    Only if you are willing to take fashion advice from a 7 foot tall tranny with an obsession with all things untoward.

    5. Would you truthfully tell me if my ass looked big? or if I had something stuck in my teeth?
    No, but I'd tell you if your teeth looked big and you had something stuck in your ass. Priorities, babe.

    6. Are you willing to wear an inscribed BFF bracelet or necklace at all times?
    Only if it is made from the remains of my last client.

    7. Are you willing to accept phone calls and text messages 24/7 for when I am feeling lonely or needy or I if I have a bad dream?
    Of course, but calling me to remedy a bad dream is probably not your wisest plan of action.

    8. Will you accompany me to the restroom regardless of where we are?
    Accompany? Yes. Assist? No. Yo' shit is yo' shit.

    9. Are you available for long shopping trips that will (unfortunately) include at least one, but prolly both punky punks who hate shopping?
    I am available but no guarantees on disposition. Hot Topic Spawn and The People of Walmart incites rabbity violence.

    10. If you had one ticket to see Lady Ga would you willingly gift it to me because I obviously love her more than you?
    Only on the proviso that you provide a detailed analysis of The Tuck.

    11. If I have an identity crisis and forget, for example, that I am not 18 anymore are you willing to let me down easy?
    No. I will just play along.

    12. Finally, and prolly the most important, should I lose my mind and decide to get Vagazzled will you happily punch me in the face?
    No (can't hit gurrls). But I will provide a thorough desparklification with a pressure washer and Borax. I think that's a better deterrent than a punch anyway.

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  3. Haha! This is hilarious. I love reading the answers that people are giving.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I think this is a brilliant questionnaire. I don't think I would qualify since I am fashion challenged myself but maybe I could find a BFF from your rejects!
    Came over from Friday Follow.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Good Afternoon! Happy Friday Follow! (on Sunday-lol) I am your newest follower. Come visit me :) and have a great week! Shoot me an email if you'd like me to subscribe, twitter or facebook.

    I am totally going to steal your Garfield picture! Hi-Larious!

    Here are my answers:

    1) I am a female.
    2) Lady who? j/k not obsessed.
    3) I am not a homosexual and not willing to be, but I've always wanted my own gay bff.
    4) I can provide fashion advice involving which sweat clothing is in or out.
    5) I would enjoy telling you if you have a big ass or food in your teeth-although it may be funnier to let you walk around with food in your teeth.
    6) I insist on wearing a BFF braclet at all times.
    7) I will accept your text messages as long as it is about whether you have a big ass or food in your teeth.
    8) I will accompany you to the restroom because I'm sure you'll need me to tell you if you have a big ass.
    9) Long shopping trips are negotiable.
    10) Lady who?
    11) I am 12 in my head, so act however you want.
    12) I am open to punching you in the face!



    Bridgette Groschen
    The Groschen Goblins
    http://www.groschengoblins.com

    ReplyDelete
  6. Wow. I am like.. filling out interviews all over the place today. It makes me feel special. Here we go..

    1. Are you male or female?
    Male

    2. Do you now, or have you ever obsessed over Lady Gaga?
    No.

    3. Are you homosexual? If you answer no to this one: Are you willing to be?
    No. But I can pretend.

    4. Are you able to provide fashion advice?
    Yes. So long as it doesn't have to be good advice.

    5. Would you truthfully tell me if my ass looked big? or if I had something stuck in my teeth?
    No and yes.

    6. Are you willing to wear an inscribed BFF bracelet or necklace at all times?
    Yes.

    7. Are you willing to accept phone calls and text messages 24/7 for when I am feeling lonely or needy or I if I have a bad dream?
    No. My phone gets turned off when I go to bed.

    8. Will you accompany me to the restroom regardless of where we are?
    No. If you leave the table, you're on your own.

    9. Are you available for long shopping trips that will (unfortunately) include at least one, but prolly both punky punks who hate shopping?
    No. Unless you don't mind being harrassed by 3 punky punks who hate shopping. Actually that sounds like fun.. me and the two punky punks are going to bug the hell out of you. Make that a yes.

    10. If you had one ticket to see Lady Ga would you willingly gift it to me because I obviously love her more than you?
    Yes.

    11. If I have an identity crisis and forget, for example, that I am not 18 anymore are you willing to let me down easy?
    I'll just play along. I don't like disappointing people

    12. Finally, and prolly the most important, should I lose my mind and decide to get Vagazzled will you happily punch me in the face?
    No. I don't do violence.

    I look forward to receiving my necklace in the mail.

    ReplyDelete
  7. 1. Are you male or female?
    Male

    2. Do you now, or have you ever obsessed over Lady Gaga?

    Fuck no

    3. Are you homosexual? If you answer no to this one: Are you willing to be?

    No but I used to perform in the Rocky Horror Picture show, and have the pics on my blog to prove it. 'nuff said.

    4. Are you able to provide fashion advice?

    Hell no

    5. Would you truthfully tell me if my ass looked big? or if I had something stuck in my teeth?

    I'd tell you if it were big, looked great, and the teeth thing, sure.

    6. Are you willing to wear an inscribed BFF bracelet or necklace at all times?

    No. See the answer to #3

    7. Are you willing to accept phone calls and text messages 24/7 for when I am feeling lonely or needy or I if I have a bad dream?

    Sure, what the hell

    8. Will you accompany me to the restroom regardless of where we are?

    Of course. I'm up for anything

    9. Are you available for long shopping trips that will (unfortunately) include at least one, but prolly both punky punks who hate shopping?
    No. Unless you don't mind being harrassed by 3 punky punks who hate shopping. Actually that sounds like fun.. me and the two punky punks are going to bug the hell out of you.

    NO

    10. If you had one ticket to see Lady Ga would you willingly gift it to me because I obviously love her more than you?

    Sure and seeing as though you apparently love her and I can care less, this isn't working out. I am sincerely breaking up with you.

    11. If I have an identity crisis and forget, for example, that I am not 18 anymore are you willing to let me down easy?

    Nah, it would be way too much fun

    12. Finally, and prolly the most important, should I lose my mind and decide to get Vagazzled will you happily punch me in the face?

    WTF is Vagazzled and no I would deliver a dragon punch, never to the face though

    ReplyDelete
  8. 1. Are you male or female? Female

    2. Do you now, or have you ever obsessed over Lady Gaga? Not one bit

    3. Are you homosexual? If you answer no to this one: Are you willing to be?
    No and only with you :)

    4. Are you able to provide fashion advice?
    Totally

    5. Would you truthfully tell me if my ass looked big? or if I had something stuck in my teeth?
    Girl your ass has always been big I dont have to tell you that, and yes

    6. Are you willing to wear an inscribed BFF bracelet or necklace at all times?
    Of course I would as long as it had our pics on it and it was big

    7. Are you willing to accept phone calls and text messages 24/7 for when I am feeling lonely or needy or I if I have a bad dream?
    Of course, as long as you wake up when I call :)

    8. Will you accompany me to the restroom regardless of where we are?
    I always do

    9. Are you available for long shopping trips that will (unfortunately) include at least one, but prolly both punky punks who hate shopping?
    I love our long shopping trips, and the punks are fine...well as long has punk #2 doesnt need a nap anytime soon

    10. If you had one ticket to see Lady Ga would you willingly gift it to me because I obviously love her more than you?
    First of all I would never have a ticked and if for some rare chance I got one it is all yours sister

    11. If I have an identity crisis and forget, for example, that I am not 18 anymore are you willing to let me down easy?
    Hell no I would tell you that you are 21 so lets go party!!!

    12. Finally, and prolly the most important, should I lose my mind and decide to get Vagazzled will you happily punch me in the face?
    LOL nope I would tell you too, just cuz Charley would probably like it :)

    ReplyDelete