Look Momma!

I colored all the itchy on my leg. Beautiful purple. (And then she sighs)

This message has been sent using the picture and Video service from Verizon Wireless!

To learn how you can snap pictures and capture videos with your wireless phone visit www.verizonwireless.com/picture.

Note: To play video messages sent to email, Quicktime@ 6.5 or higher is required.

Day Two and Day Three Sandwich. Cause I can

So, after waking up and having a rousing rendition of "Dog Pile on Dadda" we decided it was time to get downstairs to serve up some biscuits a gravy. Sausage gravy of course. Here, once again, it was apparent that Dadda hasn't been around for a while.

See, Dadda likes to pretend that the kids are tiny, and will stay tiny, and will need everything done for them for the rest of their lives. Momma B-dub doesn't. Dadda thinks that if we are not secured within the confines of a building or vehicle the kids need to "hold -a- hand." Momma B-dub doesn't. Well, maybe sometimes.

So, the other important fact to bring to the table is that Momma B-Dub and the kids traveled from Bozeman, Montana all the way down to Evans, Georgia without Dadda. And as any Momma can tell you; if there is only one parent around, the kids have to be more independent. And mine are.

Back to breakfast. Dadda was SHOCKED that Momma B-Dub would leave his two precious, tiny, unable to sit by themselves for two seconds, never growing kids at the table all by themselves whilst she walked about 10 feet away to grab a whole lotta extra napkins.

Right.

So after we resolved that tragedy we were off to explore the great city of Columbus, Georgia! We started by heading downtown. Who knew they would have such a great River-walk? Or super great sculptures just hanging around? Not what I expected from a military town. Of course, I was basing my stereotype of military towns on Fayetteville, NC where we have been for the last 6 Army years. And I love parts of Fayetteville. Sometimes.

We also went to the Coca-Cola Space Science Center. Whew, say that fast a few times! The kids rode in simulators, drove space vehicles, and generally ran around like chickens with their heads cut off. Mostly because thats how they act when we release them from the pen. And a little because they were super excited to see all the cool stuff. And Most of All, because they were doing it with their Dadda.

And to top it all off, we got to see an Omni show. I LOVE THE OMNI SHOWS!!! Something about the HUGE curved ceiling, the way it feels like your moving, and most of all- the expressions on my Punks faces while the show was on! Priceless.

And so, there are a few things that remain constant no matter where we are, or who we are with.

1) I can't seem to take pictures of people's FACES. It's a curse.

2) I still don't have a charger for my camera, and still haven't fessed up to Charley that I lost it.

3) Dadda almost never likes the clothes I pick out for the littlest punk. This day he objected to the faux leather pants. Geesh.

4) I have a great family!

Small punk sporting faux leather pants and rocking the bowling shoes!

The Trip to See the Dadda

Yes, Internet, we made the trip down to Columbus. It began as expected, with this:

Pumpkin Latte on the Left

Regular Coffee (light and sweet) on the Right

After a few potty breaks we made it to Ft. Benning just in time to pick up Dadda! Only, not really, but that's only because

1) they were released early. (non-military: they got off work early) I was told 11:30 and they were actually released by 9:30.

2) I didn't get the letter.

Letter? What letter? Oh, you mean I was supposed to get some letter in the mail inviting me to this lovely Family Weekend? And this letter also serves as my "Get on Post to Pick up my Hubby Pass!"

Wowie, that would have been good to know. And also, whilst I drove around looking for the Visitor's Center to get a lovely new "Visitor Pass" I came across a check point. I told the guy I didn't have an ID. Meaning, a military ID of course. And he looked at me, then at the kids in the back seat. And then at me. Kids. And so on.

Finally he asks "So if you don't have a drivers license why are you driving, especially with kids in the car. Don't you know thats illegal?"

Me: *mental head slap* Oh, well, I do have a drivers license, but not a military ID. I thought you had to have the military ID. Oh, and can you tell me how to get to the Visitors Center so I can get a Pass? I'm kinda lost.

Him: Yeah, I can tell.

Yeah, and I was only just starting my day. I don't count the 4 hour drive down here because the kids were really well behaved so it was like the morning hadn't even started!

Skip ahead-

Punk #1 striking a pose for the blackberry!

Hmmm, what camera? I don't see anything...

We picked up Lovey. Yeah, I call him Lovey. Punk #2 calls him Dadda, and Punk #1 has graduated to just plain ol Dad. Pretty boring, so I embarrass him as much as possible by calling him sweetie pie lovey dovey sugar lumpkins names in front of all his Army buddies. He really likes it when I do that.

 But Dadda! I don't want to wear the "rowling" shoes! 

I want my pretty PURPLE ONES!!!!

Check into Hotel? Check!

Go bowling with the Punks, both 1 and 2? Check!

Crash out back at the hotel cause you aren't used to being bombarded by the excess energies of two smallish punks and a wife who can't quit speaking in lovey dovey speak? Check!

Permanently attach a smallish punk to one extremity or another? Check!

And yes, it is part of our hotel room inspection to jump thoroughly on

every bed in the room to ensure maximum destruction in minimal time.

Stay tuned for Day 2!

Wax my what?

Something very good happened to me yesterday. And I mean GOOD. Like, in all caps it was so good. And then it almost went south. Fast.

See, it started out with my birthday partying last week. Only my mother didn't so much get me a birthday present. But not to worry! I wasn't upset or anything. It happens sometimes like every year  when things get busy or whatever.

So this year I let her off the hook- I told her if she wanted to watch my kids and buy me a pedicure that would happen while she was watching my kids then we would be even. But the key was that I didn't want to take the kids with me while I was getting a pedicure. You all understand, don't you internet? I mean, a pedicure loses it's redemptive qualities if there is a nine year old punk complaining that he is bored. Or a three year old trying on every color of nail polish available, only not putting the caps back on and therefore creating a sea of nail polish of every color imaginable on the floor..... I just couldn't take it. If the pedicure was gonna happen then she had to watch those punks!

So after said mother agrees to 1) keep 2 punks, age 9 and 3 and 2) pay for pedicure; I left the house and drove about three or four blocks to the nearest nail salon and subjected myself to their devices of torture. And do you know what? I loved every minute of it. Mostly the "No Kids" part. But also the foot rubbing, and the chair massaging, and the relaxing...

Then she turned me blue. Literally.

Now, I am not sure if you have been turned blue before; but it wasn't totally uncomfortable. In fact, I might even get accustomed to being turned blue.

Now see those jars? The green, blue, white? The big ones? Those jars hold the nectar of all pedicure gods. It was fabulous. Something about sugar... and sea salt .... and citrus oils.....

And then- as if it wasn't great already, she did THIS!!!

Dear Pedicure Lady,

Thank you for wrapping my feet in those fantastically heated towels, that just happen to be orange. Orange is my signature color.
I love you. Will you marry me?

B-Dub

ps. the language barrier isn't really a problem for me, assuming it isn't a problem with you!


Now where, you rightly ask, did this adventure almost turn south? Because, and it is true, B-Dub was completely enjoying this pedicure. And there was no nail polish sea of colors anywhere to be found. Not was there a nine year old punk whining. It all appears perfect. Flawless even.

Well, let B-Dub tell you. It was as fabulous as it seemed- and perhaps even better. Aside from totally freaking out the Pedicure Lady with offers of marriage, that is.

You see, internet, the hotness of the towels began to fade. And the slimy-ness of the blue stuff began to stiffen. It had to end. And as Pedicure Lady was washing the blue from my feet and legs she asks if I would like to wax.

"Wax what?" says B-Dub
"Your feet" says Pedicure Lady (who henceforth with be called PL for simplicity's sake)
"What do you mean, my feet?" says B-Dub
"You have hairy toe, and top of foot. I wax it off. Take 2 minutes. Wax is ready" says PL
"But I really don't think its that bad, and I really don't want to wax my feet" says B-Dub
"But wax you feet keep them smooth for about two month" says PL
"No, really, I can't wax my feet. I can barely stand to wax my mustache, and Charley teases me about it and everything. No, I am not going to wax my feet" says B-Dub
"I just go get wax. You very hairy, need wax" says PL

I was, of course, hyperventilating by this point. There was no way this lady was gonna get anywhere near my feet with hot wax. Not gonna happen. Ever.

And then something fantastic happened.



Her next appointment came in! Then she totally forgot about torturing me with wax, and I could once again go about my relaxing without scoping for the nearest exit. Because seriously internet- if she had come at me with wax I was gonna jump ship and haul out of there. I would have paid for my partial manicure using a check sent safely through the Untied States Postal Service. No return address.

Besides. my feet aren't that bad. Are they?

HA HA HA HA HA HA

BWAHAHAHAHAHAH

WHOOOOWHOOOWHOO

Gotcha!

Those aren't my piggies! They belong to Captain Normal! Here is what I wound up with:

and yes I know, I do have some hair on my toe. Get over it. Or quit looking. Perv.

Oh, and I also made her paint my nails to match. Because  I'm all matchy like that. And unfortunately fortunately for myself, my nail polish MATCHES my PURSE exactly. What are the odds that I would choose TWO items that are the same shade of ORANGE????

Did I mention that orange is my signature color?

I would also like to apoligize to everyone in the nail salon who were freaked out by my picture taking. In my defense, the internet made me do it.

Additionally, today, 11/6/09, I am going to pick up my hubby and steal him away to a lovely hotel near Ft. Benning, GA. You see, the kids and I left Montana in May. That also happens to be the last time we have seen Charley. You bet these kids are excited. And B-Dub too. So, on that note you probably won't hear from me until Tuesday next week. I know, I know, I will miss you too, internet. Don't go changing whilst I am away. Oh, and can someone look after my FarmVille. You know how much I love it. And adopting animals. Especially when Charley is away. Hehehehe.

Every now and again

There are times when I am scouring the computer looking at pics- mostly cause I can't remember my oldest punk EVER being tiny- that I come across a pic that needs no words. In fact, if I even attempted to explain it would only cloud your judgement. You need to enjoy the simplicity, the uncomplicated, the drama free, the pure happiness of childhood.

The sheer joy of whipping along on a treadmill, into the arms of someone who is snapping pictures of you whipping along on the treadmill. And hopefully they put the camera down long enough to catch you before you crash into your favorite cousin.

The very same cousin who introduced you to Star Wars light sabers. How incomplete your life would be without him. What would you do without sword fighting knowledge?

And without this favorite cousin, who would teach you how to get the maximum enjoyment out of eating Dum-Dums? Vital skills taught here.

Oh, this cousin of yours. How we love him and all his quirks.  He who teaches all how to accessorize, he who is Master of Dance, Dance, Revolution. He imparted his knowledge to his younger cousin. 

It really isn't his fault that the lessons produced this. He tried. Oh, how he tried.

Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

I have been a very good girl this year. I have taken care of my children; I have driven from Montana to Georgia with several stops in many states. I started homeschooling my oldest child. It’s been painful at times, but we are sticking with it and this year we are hoping to see some rewards at Christmas time.

This year for Christmas, Dear Santa, I would really and truly like to indulge myself. I would love to indulge myself with fine foods like the ones found in:

"The Pioneer Woman Cooks: Recipes from an Accidental Country Girl." The Pioneer Woman Cooks is a homespun collection of photography, rural stories, and scrumptious recipes that have defined her experience in the country. Ree Drummond shares many of the delicious cowboy-tested recipes she's learned to make during my years as an accidental ranch wife—including Rib-Eye Steak with Whiskey Cream Sauce, Lasagna, Fried Chicken, Patsy's Blackberry Cobbler, and Cinnamon Rolls—not to mention several "cowgirl-friendly" dishes, such as Sherried Tomato Soup, Olive Cheese Bread, and Crème Brûlée. She shows her recipes in full color, step-by-step detail, so it's as easy as pie to follow along. You can find this cookbook "The Pioneer Woman Cooks: Recipes from an Accidental Country Girl" at Amazon.com.

Dear Santa, to go along with this fantastic cookbook I need to have a supply of cast iron cookware.  It would be impossible to indulge in these fantastic flavors because you cannot pan sear a delicious rib-eye steak using a non-stick pan! The Lodge Cast Iron Cookware has a Signature Series that is to die for, Santa! I would love to receive just one or two pieces of this fantastic cookware. Specifically, the Signature Series 12 inch skillet and the Lodge Signature Series 12 inch Grill Pan. Oh Santa, I don’t know how I have lived with out theses pans for so long! Please help me! 

And Dear Santa, what is Christmas without Christmas cookies? And what better way to make delicious cookies than to use Calphalon's most durable bake ware ever - the Classic Nonstick bake ware line with a reinforced nonstick for lasting durability. The two jelly roll pans are made of aluminized steel that resists rusts. Classically designed for professional results, the Calphalon Classic Nonstick bake ware is designed to resist sticking and is dishwasher-safe for easy cleanup. Santa, if you would like to continue consuming Christmas Cookies at my house I NEED these jelly roll pans!!!

Oh Santa, I’m not asking for a lot this year. Please don’t fail me now!

Yours Truly

B-Dub.

Partying, just a little bit

And so as the weekend progressed we continued to Party like it was My Birthday. And I have partying proof. Here we go....

Go B-Dub! Its your Birthday!

We gonna Party like it's your Birthday

Bringin it arooouunndd town

Throw You Hands in the Air, Like You a True Play-a!!!

Even Cleopatra showed up for my Party. Whaz up Butterfly and Cleo?? 

Ya'll havin fun with B-Dub??

Hey Now! No More Monkey Business... 

The Gang is all Here. Only Famous people at B-Dub's shindig ya'll

And all I can say is: One OOOOOgly EYE!!! (its one of this punks favorite books)

And yes. This is B-Dubs Dad: Captain Normal. 

it explains a lot...