Thursday, November 19, 2009

Potty Extravaganza

This week has been inspiring for me as a blogger. The depths of honesty and clarity of writing from others in the blogosphere! And the poop! Not to forget about our good friend "peeing in your pants." Oh man, oh man. Right up my alley.

Like pooping in a Wendy's bag, or having a massive case of the runs- in the middle of your own neighborhood. I mean really? This actually happened people. I have the blogs to prove it!

It kinda got me thinking. Pondering, even. Only I can't think of a time when I pooped, or peed, in my pants. Unless you count the times (and there were many) when I was hugely pregnant and sneezed, or laughed, or moved. Might have had some squeege out then.

Or, with my first punk, I may or may not have pooped on the delivery bed. The nurse was there, and she really must have known that I couldn't handle the truth. It happened, and in retrospect I think it did, she cleverly hid it from me. Thank you Ms. Delivery Room Nurse. You helped make my day all the brighter. But really, I don't think pregnant counts for these stories of poop. Poop happens.

I can't believe I'm talking about poop.

So a few weeks ago I took my punks to the pumpkin patch. We had a good ol' time, with the exception of the Whiny Girl in the Pink Shirt that needed a good smack down. And while we were there my littlest punk, Punk #2, really needed to go. In a way that only a three year old girl needs to go. And all there was for her was a port-a-potty. And it was her very first time using a port-a-pot. Potty in a bush? Check. Poop on the beach? Check. Port-a-pot? Nope.

So we get in, and you know what they look like.

But my little Punk had to go. And quickly. I covered the seat with two rolls of toilet paper, and then tried holding her so she hovered above the badness. But she couldn't perform under the stress.

"Momma! Put me down! I gotta potty!"


Alright, fine. I perched her there on the mountain of toilet paper and said "Hold on to Momma, DO NOT TOUCH THE POTTY!

So she perched there clinging to my leg for dear life while she did her duty. And oh what a duty it was. As soon as she was done I busted out the bottle of hand sanitizer and proceeded to give her a sponge bath because she had pieces of TP stuck all over her. Stinky, wet, smelly TP. Gag.

As we finished the head to toe sanitizing and removal of all things TP my littlest Punk looked up at me and said;

"Momma, boys are yucky."

Out of the mouths of babes.

Even at three, this one knows all about the age old issue of boys and bathroom hygiene. I had hoped to spare her that for a few more years.


  1. omg i would die. Poop during delivery is one of my top 3 fears in life.

  2. HAHA Yup, we are related, or the same person, or something like that. I have completely passed on my crazy bathroom germ fear. Alexa now asks me when we use bathrooms, 'is this a public bathroom mom? ok, I won't touch anything!' :) Sometimes it's just better to find a tree to squat behind. Also I never peed my pants until AFTER I had babies...apparently there's something behind the whole kegal thing and I really should have paid more attention. And, just because this is already insanely long...I was SO scared to poop while in labor but my nurse kept telling me that she wanted me to because that was a good thing, I was like ummmm, okay weirdo. I still don't know if I did or didn't either, to this day my hubby still says no but I don't know if he's telling me the truth. :) Oh yeah one more thing....YOU CUT UP A DEER??? I guess we aren't the same person... :)

  3. Ewww a porta potty! Have not experienced that! I hope I never have too! Yikes! And yes boys are yucky!

  4. Oh the thought of a port-a-potty just makes me shiver. I think I've had some near death experiences trying to hold my breath the ENTIRE time I had no choice but to use one.
    She's right. Boys are yucky haha.