Thursday, October 22, 2009

Look out; B-Day Coming Through

The reality that Charley is back in the Army is starting to sink in. DOH! I was kinda hoping that it would hold off until the first deployment orders came in. Cause I know they are coming, I feel it in the air.

Or maybe, it’s the chill of fall in the air. Or perhaps the knowledge that I am about to be a year older. Like that I don’t actually age all year. It suddenly, magically, mysteriously happens one day of every year. That day happens to be Mischief Night. You know, the day before Halloween?

Every other day during the year I can somehow maintain my youth- never growing older, never gaining weight, or circles under my eyes, or crow’s feet. Never. I don’t age. Then every year on October 29th I go to bed and when I awake something happens. Suddenly an entire years worth of ageing has been shoved into one night.

I have bags under my eyes, I have fine lines and wrinkles, I gained 19 lbs, my skinny pants disappeared from my closet. Oh, wait, I never actually owned any skinny pants- my butt is WAY too big to be seen in those! Whoooooo! Scary just to think about. “Like two pigs wrestling under a blanket!” Name that movie! Perhaps I should get some for my Halloween costume this year…

Anywho.  My day of aging is rapidly approaching. There is nothing I can do to hold it at bay. Except for perhaps buying $2,345.93 worth of Arbonne products from Momma Brown.  Arbonne is gonna take over the world, just so you know. And you know what- I can even get a friends and family discount so that my $2,345.93 will cover the face wash, eye liner (in black pencil- I still haven’t mastered the liquid); AND the thermal heat mask face scrubbing stuff! Sweet! She might even throw in a few free samples of good smelling lotions just to sweeten the deal.

Well, once again this year Charley is off the hook as far as b-day presents. I tell you what. Guys in the Army have it pretty sweet. “Babe, I couldn’t get you an anniversary present this year. We were hit by an IED on the way to *(insert name of some small Iraq village here)*. Happens every other year.

 And what can you say to that? “Yes Dear, I understand you were taking heavy fire but if you really loved me you would have made sure you sent the Hadji version of all 502 Disney Movies for my birthday this year!” Yeah, Army guys have it pretty sweet.

So once again I am going to pretend that my day isn’t coming. I have made another Mom Law. If my hubby isn’t here then I don’t age. No Charley, no birthday. This way he doesn’t have to put himself out there to try and buy me some super sweet present and I don’t have to get any older! At least every other year that is…

No comments:

Post a Comment