Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Flooding = Swimming in Poop

When we moved to Clarksville I was all bummed out to see the actual size of the hill our house is on. Every time I have to mow the grass I kick and scream and curse the hill. Now that the entire city is flooding I feel bad. I mean really bad, so bad in fact that I baked the hill some cookies and called it Sweetheart. I think we are on the road to forgiveness; well, I hope so anyhills. 

The flood waters reached right up to my yard and then stopped! Not that they had much choice as the hill has started forgiving me and was all "You can't get these people, Mr. Flood Waters! She bakes me cookies and whispers sweet nothings to me. And she picks up the dog poop so I don't have to smell it." And the hill protected us. It was like magic!

So today to celebrate our survival we decided to let Chubaca play fetch in the water- one of his favorite activities.

 Now, anyone with little Punks knows that you can't have water + kids + splashing without letting the kids play in the water too. So I did what any Redneck type of Momma does and let the kids play. And the neighbor boy joined the party. And by "boy" I mean 19 year old who lives with his parents, doesn't work, and I think he has a crush on me. He just texted me a picture of a rose. I'm scared.

But not as scared as I was earlier when he decided to take his shirt off. I thought my eyeballs were gonna fry right out of my head. Its just not right that a guy has bigger boobs than me. Just sayin.

So after a few hours of playing even Chubaca got tired. The kids are pooped. Well, Littlest just got her second wind so I guess it didn't work out quite like planned. Speaking of poop! As I was attempting to herd the kids up the hill to have some lunch another neighbor came over. Turns out the sewage treatment plant is completely underwater resulting in raw sewage pumping into the river. Awesome. I let my kids swim in poop.

One more negative from the flooding is all the creepy crawlies that have come out to play. Snakes are NOT my favorite. Turtles are okay, it was especially funny to see one kick Chubaca's arse!!!

Moral of the Story: Don't let your kids play in poop water full of snakes unless your name is B-Dub and you are a Redneck. Oh, and don't let creepy 19 year olds have your phone number. Ever.


  1. Many good lessons to share....no poop, no creepy crawleys, and heck girl even I could have told you to stay away from 19 year olds wanting your phone number!!! I hope you guys stay safe! -ber

  2. Glad you are OK and are now blessing the hill. The picture of the turtle is the bomb.

    I am writing down your rule about 19 year-olds....

  3. You are full of valuable lessons today! So glad you have that hill and that you treated it nicely!

  4. Oh boy, thanks for the warning about the poop water. Uh, watch out for that 19 year old. Isn't that when a man peaks? Just asking...

  5. Thank god for hills! Glad you made it through the flooding without damage.

  6. Some of the more humorous tales of of flooding. BTW...love your dog's name.

  7. It was already bad when he was shirted. Remove that element and this is downright excruciating.

    Sorry about the poop water frolicking!