Thursday, December 10, 2009

Bert and Me

I have a sister named Bert. She used to be Ber, or to some Ber-Ber (which always made me wanna throw up, just a little, in my mouth), then my littlest Punk came around. Ber turned to Bert, and my sis took one for the Team and ran with it. Now she has passed the point of no return and will forever be known as Bert. Which isn't as bad as my lot. I'm Mimi. And Mimi is like GRANDMA. Only I got the name when I was a whopping 22. It stuck, and my self esteem flew right out the window.

Orange flowers for the lining, brown corduroy for the "outside part"

Bert is teaching me how to sew some stuff. And that is really and truly dangerous Webby Friends, dangerous. Because they don't call me "Grace" for nothin! This one time, when I was small, I sewed my baby brother's index finger because I didn't realize that the machine would GO REALLY FAST when you stomped with all your might step lightly on the super sweet, looks like a race car, pedal. It wasn't my fault- he just didn't move his hand out of the way fast enough. Geesh, Slow Poke!

The latest adventure is a corduroy dress thingy. And I say thingy because I've never been girly enough to learn what the different styles of dresses are. All I know about dresses is you better wear tights, Punk #2, cause otherwise we all get a great glimpse of your underpants. Which is an improvement over when she was potty training and didn't wear underpants for like 2 weeks. Nudie Patudie indeed. Baby steps, baby steps, baby steps. Baby steps to the door, baby steps out the door, baby steps to the underpants, baby steps put the underpants on.... Sorry, I was suddenly stuck in  a "What About Bob?" moment. If you haven't seen that movie, well, you should. Hysterical.

Bert sewing away. I always get the little people to do my work for me. 
Life is better that way.

Anywho, so Bert is showing me how to sew a dress. Only I can't actually cut fabric in straight lines. Oh, and I can't sew a straight line to save my life. But what I CAN do is pin fabric together. Now we are getting to the whole reason for this post! See, I have always been the Odd Egg of our family. Not quite fitting in here or there, not really fitting in anywhere. But, seeing as I got all the TOTALLY AWESOME genes I guess it works out.

Sewing, or should I say pinning fabric, brought out this contrast between my family and I once more. I like to point all sharp objects AWAY from my person. Bert likes pain, so does my Mother. They point the pins towards themselves. I mean really? How many times do you have to poke yourself before the light turns on and "OH! I could turn them around and not bleed all over this fabric!" And they think I'm weird. I also remove the pins just before that part of the fabric is sewn. Cause this one time I sewed over a needle and it broke and shot my eye out. Learned my lesson, yesserrriee Bob, learned it good. Remove pin = no flying shrapnel.

See how MY pins point IN!! No poking while sewing! Genius.

See how Bert's pins are just waiting to poke any finger that gets too near!!!!
Hurry B-Dub! Move your hand before the poking begins!!
Doh, too late.

I did ask Bert if she ever experienced the flying shrapnel. And she has, but still keeps on sewing right on over those pins. She isn't scared, bring it tiny metal fragments, bring - it - on! Some people will never learn. And that, Interweb Friends, is the perfect illustration of how I differ from the rest of the Quackers on the Quack Farm.

This nut fell far from the tree indeed. It is rather nice over here, on this side of the crazy line.

And here is Punk #2, in her new pretty poop brown dress. 
Closing her eyes cause if she can't see you, you can't see her.
And she didn't want to wear the poop brown. She wanted purple stripes. 
So, she is protesting. Closed eyes mean YOU CAN"T SEE HER EITHER!!! (did it work?)

And I think I made the dress a bit on the HOLY FREAKIN HUGE side. 


  1. Bert just informed me that the pics won't load for her. Anyone else having issues? They are obviously showing up just fine for me...

  2. I can't see any of the pictures but you have me laughing so hard.
    Your description of sewing sounds just like mine!

  3. I can't see the pictures either, but I can totally relate to your sewing experiences. I have never mastered that extra sensitive sewing machine football, and always remove pins before sewing. I wasn't even thinking about my eye, I was thinking about the whole machine exploding.

  4. Haha I can't see the pictures but I give you lots of credit! I don't sew but I wouldn't even try, I am not crafty at all!! Pinning, measuring, needles, not something I think I should be jumping into!