Crime and Punishment

Thats the Life Ya'll

Dear Internet,

I was talking to my Charley today. I was feeling pretty bad for him cause he really misses these punks we are raising. One weekend every six months just isn't enough time for him. Apparently. Oh yeah, did I mention that once every six months isn't quite enough for me either. Or the punks. So really, this whole "back in the Army" thing is starting off on totally the wrong foot.

I have been bouncing between North Carolina and Georgia since May. We (the two kids, one smelly dog, and the Frazzled Momma B-Dub) are either at my parents in Georgia or my BFF's house in North Carolina. One or the other. For SIX months. And I really don't want to sound ungrateful BUT I am truly ready, like good and ready, to have my own place again. And to get my kiddo's back on a schedule. And I really won't be sad when I don't have any more road trips with two punks and a stinky dog.

I digress.

Back to feeling really bad for Charley....

So, he sends me a text message, our usual form of communication these days, and tells me a bit about his day. And I quote:

"Yeah, I cleaned. Then I slept. Then I talked with the guys. After that I took a nap and watched part of a movie. Oh, then I shot the crap with the guys again. Now I'm getting ready to go back to sleep. Pretty boring really."

Oh man, oh man. So, lets see here. I have been experiencing guilt because you have this crappy Army job that keeps you away from us. And you have to do crappy things like, say, a 15 mile ruck march. Cause lets face it, there is NO WAY that this B-Dub would EVER do a 15 mile ruck march. And I mean never, ever, not in a million years. Poor Hubby. He does have it rough.

Except that he gets to take naps. And hang out with his friends. And watch movies. And then, after all that, he gets to hang out with the guys again. Poor, poor, Charley.

And now I will enter into a period of pity. Join me in the pity party for one. Only if you join it won't be for one but you know, what-ev.

Cause I don't get to hang out with the guys, or watch movies, or TAKE NAPS!!!! And I don't ever get away from my kids. Which I have decided, Dear Internet, is essential to maintaining sanity. Don't get me wrong, I love the punks in all their punky entirety with every fiber of my being. But sometimes they do get a little annoying. They haven't heard the expression "Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder."

And then I start thinking that we should have switched places. Like, maybe, I could have gone off to some cool Army school and left him home with the kids. Only without the home part- cause we aren't sure where we are gonna be stationed and I wasn't staying in Montana all by myself.

Then I got another text. He said he was glad to have today off because tomorrow is another 10 mile run. And then I remembered how much you could never, ever, pay me enough money to run 10 miles IN A ROW! Like all at one time! Or ruck for 15. Or deploy to Iraq twice, and miss the birth of our littlest punk during the second one because they couldn't let you come home right then. Or about how he just found out that he is going to deploy again in the spring. And he is gonna miss out on seeing these punks for another year.

Well, so much for my pity party. I talked myself in a complete circle because now I am feeling bad for him again. Because he is missing out on some great stuff. He has to spend more holidays alone. Because we all need him, and others like him, to keep us safe. And there isn't anything much harder than what they volunteer to do.

But mostly because he has to run 10 miles tomorrow.

Love,

A Once Again Army Wife.

p.s. I would like to add that I have some wonderful frineds who took me out dancing this weekend. And I love dancing. I learned some new line dances and everything! It was a blast, so really, don't feel too badly for me. Sometiems I just need to vent.
B-Dub

It's a First People!!

Yesterday, and I know I'm batty, I decided to apply for a writing position with this online magazine that shall remain nameless. And they said no. And it was my very first writing rejection. And it stung, just a little bit.

And then my kids smothered me with WAY too much attention and I forgot all about it. Until today when I logged into my e-mail and there it was. My first rejection letter. Sitting there. Ug.

But then something happened to brighten my day- I received my first BLOGGER AWARD!!!!!!! Yeah! Someone likes me! They really like me! Or at least my tales of traveling across the US with two kids and a stinky dog make them so grateful that it isn't happening to them that they feel no other option but to give me awards. What can ya do?

So thank-you Mommy's Time! I love it! And it made my day; what online stupid magazine rejection letter? I am the recipient of this lovely Lemonade Stand Award. Because the internet recognizes my attitude and gratitude!

Do you know a blogger with attitude or gratitude? Why not make their day by offering this lovely Lemonade Stand Award? Here's how it works:

- Put the Lemonade Stand Logo on your blog, or within your post

- Nominate 10 blogs with great attiude and gratitude.

- Link the nominees within your post.

- Let the nominees know they have received this award by commenting on their blog.

- Share the love and link to the person from whom you received this award.

And my Nominees are"

The (Un)Experienced Mom

Big Mamma

Mamma's Losin' It!

Boo Mamma

We are THAT Family

The Happy Housewife

the Sevin Family

The Bignell Family

Again, Thanks so much for recognizing my attitude. Cause lets face it. We all know I've got one!

Chubaca the Dog

This is Chubaca.



This is Chubaca dressed in drag.



This is Stryker. Stryker is Chubaca's Lady friend. Or maybe his cousin? Or maybe its his mother's brother's mother's dog. Whatever that makes her.



And the two of them. They like to snuggle. Well, Chubaca not so much but with this lovely lady calling the shots he doesn't have much choice.

Kinda like me and Charley. Except not so much snuggling, cause then we get too hot. And then Charley sweats; and this one time Charley dripped sweat on me and it made me gag. Cause I just can't roll like that. Eeeeeeewwwwwwwwiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeee.

And so, to solve our snuggle or not difficulties I have developed the "touching somewhere" technique. I employ the feet only strategy. When we are going to sleep I simply put my foot on his let and WALLA! It's just like we are snuggling! Only not so hot. And I don't feel tied down. And I can even roll over if I want to. It's perfect!

Stryker has her own interpretation of the "touching somewhere" technique. And no matter how hard Chubaca tries he just can't seem to get away. Although really, it doesn't seem like he tries very hard.

Look Momma!

I colored all the itchy on my leg. Beautiful purple. (And then she sighs)

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Day Two and Day Three Sandwich. Cause I can

So, after waking up and having a rousing rendition of "Dog Pile on Dadda" we decided it was time to get downstairs to serve up some biscuits a gravy. Sausage gravy of course. Here, once again, it was apparent that Dadda hasn't been around for a while.

See, Dadda likes to pretend that the kids are tiny, and will stay tiny, and will need everything done for them for the rest of their lives. Momma B-dub doesn't. Dadda thinks that if we are not secured within the confines of a building or vehicle the kids need to "hold -a- hand." Momma B-dub doesn't. Well, maybe sometimes.

So, the other important fact to bring to the table is that Momma B-Dub and the kids traveled from Bozeman, Montana all the way down to Evans, Georgia without Dadda. And as any Momma can tell you; if there is only one parent around, the kids have to be more independent. And mine are.

Back to breakfast. Dadda was SHOCKED that Momma B-Dub would leave his two precious, tiny, unable to sit by themselves for two seconds, never growing kids at the table all by themselves whilst she walked about 10 feet away to grab a whole lotta extra napkins.

Right.

So after we resolved that tragedy we were off to explore the great city of Columbus, Georgia! We started by heading downtown. Who knew they would have such a great River-walk? Or super great sculptures just hanging around? Not what I expected from a military town. Of course, I was basing my stereotype of military towns on Fayetteville, NC where we have been for the last 6 Army years. And I love parts of Fayetteville. Sometimes.

We also went to the Coca-Cola Space Science Center. Whew, say that fast a few times! The kids rode in simulators, drove space vehicles, and generally ran around like chickens with their heads cut off. Mostly because thats how they act when we release them from the pen. And a little because they were super excited to see all the cool stuff. And Most of All, because they were doing it with their Dadda.

And to top it all off, we got to see an Omni show. I LOVE THE OMNI SHOWS!!! Something about the HUGE curved ceiling, the way it feels like your moving, and most of all- the expressions on my Punks faces while the show was on! Priceless.

And so, there are a few things that remain constant no matter where we are, or who we are with.

1) I can't seem to take pictures of people's FACES. It's a curse.

2) I still don't have a charger for my camera, and still haven't fessed up to Charley that I lost it.

3) Dadda almost never likes the clothes I pick out for the littlest punk. This day he objected to the faux leather pants. Geesh.

4) I have a great family!

Small punk sporting faux leather pants and rocking the bowling shoes!

The Trip to See the Dadda

Yes, Internet, we made the trip down to Columbus. It began as expected, with this:

Pumpkin Latte on the Left

Regular Coffee (light and sweet) on the Right

After a few potty breaks we made it to Ft. Benning just in time to pick up Dadda! Only, not really, but that's only because

1) they were released early. (non-military: they got off work early) I was told 11:30 and they were actually released by 9:30.

2) I didn't get the letter.

Letter? What letter? Oh, you mean I was supposed to get some letter in the mail inviting me to this lovely Family Weekend? And this letter also serves as my "Get on Post to Pick up my Hubby Pass!"

Wowie, that would have been good to know. And also, whilst I drove around looking for the Visitor's Center to get a lovely new "Visitor Pass" I came across a check point. I told the guy I didn't have an ID. Meaning, a military ID of course. And he looked at me, then at the kids in the back seat. And then at me. Kids. And so on.

Finally he asks "So if you don't have a drivers license why are you driving, especially with kids in the car. Don't you know thats illegal?"

Me: *mental head slap* Oh, well, I do have a drivers license, but not a military ID. I thought you had to have the military ID. Oh, and can you tell me how to get to the Visitors Center so I can get a Pass? I'm kinda lost.

Him: Yeah, I can tell.

Yeah, and I was only just starting my day. I don't count the 4 hour drive down here because the kids were really well behaved so it was like the morning hadn't even started!

Skip ahead-

Punk #1 striking a pose for the blackberry!

Hmmm, what camera? I don't see anything...

We picked up Lovey. Yeah, I call him Lovey. Punk #2 calls him Dadda, and Punk #1 has graduated to just plain ol Dad. Pretty boring, so I embarrass him as much as possible by calling him sweetie pie lovey dovey sugar lumpkins names in front of all his Army buddies. He really likes it when I do that.

 But Dadda! I don't want to wear the "rowling" shoes! 

I want my pretty PURPLE ONES!!!!

Check into Hotel? Check!

Go bowling with the Punks, both 1 and 2? Check!

Crash out back at the hotel cause you aren't used to being bombarded by the excess energies of two smallish punks and a wife who can't quit speaking in lovey dovey speak? Check!

Permanently attach a smallish punk to one extremity or another? Check!

And yes, it is part of our hotel room inspection to jump thoroughly on

every bed in the room to ensure maximum destruction in minimal time.

Stay tuned for Day 2!