Wednesday, January 13, 2010

IBS for Dummies

We are all moved into our little cabin in the woods. Well, at least there were woods on the other side of the street at one point. Construction happening, no clue whats going on other than they are ripping out trees left and right which ensures that I have only sporadic internet service. And I saw some deer crossing the street. Excitement.

Ya know whats more annoying than the woodpecker that has a taste for our log cabin wood exterior? Having IBS. Not only having IBS but having the "C" variety (ok, si I feel a bit weird typing the "constipation" word) only, I just did so now the can is opened- might as well run with it.

I live constipated. There, I said it again! My 'No Poo' record is 5 weeks. Jealous? Anyone? No? Ok, can't say I blame ya. Usually it isn't so bad, I adverage a poo once every two or three weeks. I can live with that, except I don't think its helping with my Get Skinny campaign.

I also have several scientific methods for making myself feel the movement, if you catch my drift. I should totally apply for a patent- or a job at a drug factory so I can get some mulah for thoughts. Until then I will share my knowledge with my small group of friends known as the Entire Internet.

When I get desperate there is a little known remedy that almost always works! Its called the PURFUME department at any major retailer. Something about the mix of floral - musky- old lady- fruity smell combination almost always sends me running for the potty. Thats right people, no perscription needed, no added fiber snacks, no "I used an entire bottle of benifiber and still nothing," no pills, juice drinks, or tummy massage. Simply walk and sniff.

This is vital knowledge Internet. Now you so called "Normal Poopers" can fix your irregularities without having to eat yogurt for two weeks. I'm gonna sign off knowing that I have imparted knowledge to the little people. I have improved the world, cause lets face it: If Momma B-Dub ain't regular- ain't no one happy.

1 comment:

  1. My Mom has the same bowel control as you...she's like a bowel Camel...hahaha... don't worry, she won't read this...