H is for Happy with Him, oh and Halloween

Goofs, I know.

Oldest had to sneak in for this one.

Charley looks like he has a little Captain in him

Littlest pulling her "Anna Nicole" impersonation.

What should have been under the shroud- but it was itchy and had to go

BTW he was supposed to be one of the ring wraiths from

Lord of the Rings. Except he didn't like the hood all the way on

cause then he couldn't see...

Hoarder Success Story or Fiery Bunghole. Toss up.

Yesterday in my nervous energy state (yep, C is traveling only I don't know when he will actually get HERE) I took it upon myself to clean Littlest room. I should totally be on Hoarders cause after two very full trash bags of toys made their final migration to the trash bin outside her toy box was still overflowing. OVERFLOWING. Geesh, no wonder her dang room was always a mess! Best part is she hasn't even noticed that anything is missing. Serious. Kinda makes me not want to buy her anything for Christmas except for underwear. And maybe socks.

It was during this cleaning spree that something super wrong started happening to me. And by "super wrong" I mean I have flames of fire shooting out of my a*%. FIRE. It was so nasty I had to shower after. Twice. Awesome.

And now you know more about me than you did yesterday.

And I still don't know when Charley is gonna get off his ever lovin tuckas and freakin pick up the phone and tell me when he will be here!!!!

Patience and I are not friends.

Oh, and I'm wearing purple today- so should you

FREAKIN get here ALREADY!

My Car is Possessed and Other Unfortunate Events

Ya know how sometimes you park in front of a building that has rows of windows and you can see your car's reflection? Well, either my car is possessed or the buildings I park in front of are haunted. Seeing as I park in front of lots of buildings I'm inclined to believe that its my car. I try to be good to her, sure the exploding soda cans were an oversight on my part, but maintenance is almost always only a few months late. Now she is expressing her dislike of my ownership or some mean spirited ghost has possessed her. I think its the ghost cause who wouldn't want to be my car??? 


Anywho, besides the exploding radiator and ruptured brake lines we now have the "magic lights." And by magic lights I mean sometimes when I see her reflection the headlights both work and sometimes only one works. And it isn't always the same one thats not working. I'm thinking this poltergeist has personality, likes variety and long walks on the beach. I'm giving her free reign until Charley get here (he gets on the helicopter tomorrow-ish!!!!!) At that point he is gonna kick her sorry butt out of there and my poor baby car can return to normal.


In other news Oldest thought he saw a mouse in the basement. And then I thought I saw mouse poop in the basement. I bought those sticky traps, lots of them, and strategically placed them around the perimeter just like it says to. Do you think I caught the mouse? Nope, that would be too normal for my house. Instead I'm catching birds. Birds with yellow feathers. Birds that have no hope of becoming unstuck from the sticky. Poor birds.


And then there is Littlest. She had to get some shots and shots equal ear splitting screeching, crying, and gnashing of teeth followed by crabby butt. Speaking of butts, yesterday she came out of the bathroom and announced "My butt hates me" and ran to her room. Gotta love my punks : )

10 Days

In just 10 days my favorite soldier will be loading up on a helicopter so he can come visit his family. I'm so excited that when I think about it I get nauseous. And he is so excited that he quit calling home cause he would get nauseous too. Pretty much, we are exactly alike except for the parts where we are polar opposites.

 I bet he will be super excited to not live here anymore :) 

Anywho, now I have to go puke cause I thought about it again. In the mean time, what the heck am I gonna do at the airport? Come on creative people, I know your out there......  

I need a sign idea or something fun and I can't think about it cause I get the yucks all over again. Doh! I just thought about it!!! Ug!

S%*t Happens But This Just Sucks

So here I was all sorts of ready to rejoin the blogging world when I find out about the phone calls being made to some of the other wives in my troop:

     "I wanted to bring this to everyone's attention. Recently a few

spouses in one of our troops have received a harassing phone call.
The calls have happened late at night from a blocked number to home phones and the man on the line whispers to disguise his voice trying to pose as the deployed
spouse. He says that he's not supposed to be using the phone (commo
blackout) so that's why he's whispering. The caller then gets more
harassing as the conversation is ending."

Really???? 

I mean, REALLY?????!!!!!!!?????

And this is actually happened to people I know. Like its not enough that we have to worry about keeping everything together on a "normal" day, now we have to worry about this crap too? Like we don't all worry about our Soldiers every minute of every day, now we have to stress about how some messed up freak got our home number. And what other info does he have? And how does he know our hubbies are gone? What comes when he tires of just phone calls? 

There are some sick sick people in the world and now I have a loaded gun in my house and I won't answer my house phone.

Today I am sad and can't blog the funnies.

Just Shut Up and Do It Already!

I HAVE to start blogging again. Have to! I think about it, I plan out posts in my head, I imagine the crazy comment love, but I keep missing the "Sit my arse in the chair and get it done" part.

Probably because Ive been doing the "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." Good thing I'm medicated again so the world is eating rainbows and pooping butterflies.

And I WILL start blogging again. I miss you. I need you. You complete me.

Don't Ask, Cause I Sure Don't Wanna Tell

One of the very first questions when you meet someone is "So what do you do?" or "What does your husband do?" or something along those lines. I HATE that question. Hate.


Not because I care that people know I'm a SAHM, or that Charley is in the Army. I hate that as soon as people hear that he is Army the follow up question is ALWAYS "Is he deployed?"


Listen up Newbies. I do not want to answer that question. Especially if you are the two repair men that showed up at my house today (did I mention they were 2 hours late because they got lost?)  (And did I mention they were lost because they didn't know the meaning of the word "parallel" and felt to stupid to call me back for clarification?) 

Newbie at the supermarket: Its awesome that you had a neighbor who knew someone who deployed one time, and I am so sorry that you can't seem to remember the name of the base he was stationed at. Oh, and I really am okay with women being in the military. It never crosses my mind that my husband could be cheating on me the entire time he is gone. Its called trust, but thanks for that.

Creepy Neighbor Kid Sporting Man Boobs: Please stop calling me. I do not want to go to a party with you and your 19 year old friends that have all dropped out of the Kentucky public school system. I do not appreciate the rose pictures you text me. I do not want to meet your Momma- I don't really care how much she likes to cook. Why don't I give your number to Charley and let him answer that question. 

I do not want people knowing Charley is gone. Well, I don't care if my B-Dubbers know- but I would rather not share with those I come in contact with here. I don't like knowing that other people in the area know I'm home alone with the kids. It makes me feel all creepy. Especially if they look like the repair guys from today.

This is a new one for me. Charley's last deployment never aroused these feelings. I lived in a Red Neck neighborhood full of nosy people constantly checking out the window to see who was driving down the street; all of whom sported firearms. Its a nice cozy feeling. Safe.

Here I feel like the odd ball cause I am the heavily armed. I had someone tell me they didn't want their kid over at my house because we own guns. Thats a story for a different day, but you get the picture.

And I sure as hell made sure the pistol was loaded as soon as those creepy repair guys left. 


Nothing says confidence like a Lady sporting gun.