10 Days

In just 10 days my favorite soldier will be loading up on a helicopter so he can come visit his family. I'm so excited that when I think about it I get nauseous. And he is so excited that he quit calling home cause he would get nauseous too. Pretty much, we are exactly alike except for the parts where we are polar opposites.

 I bet he will be super excited to not live here anymore :) 

Anywho, now I have to go puke cause I thought about it again. In the mean time, what the heck am I gonna do at the airport? Come on creative people, I know your out there......  

I need a sign idea or something fun and I can't think about it cause I get the yucks all over again. Doh! I just thought about it!!! Ug!

S%*t Happens But This Just Sucks

So here I was all sorts of ready to rejoin the blogging world when I find out about the phone calls being made to some of the other wives in my troop:

     "I wanted to bring this to everyone's attention. Recently a few

spouses in one of our troops have received a harassing phone call.
The calls have happened late at night from a blocked number to home phones and the man on the line whispers to disguise his voice trying to pose as the deployed
spouse. He says that he's not supposed to be using the phone (commo
blackout) so that's why he's whispering. The caller then gets more
harassing as the conversation is ending."

Really???? 

I mean, REALLY?????!!!!!!!?????

And this is actually happened to people I know. Like its not enough that we have to worry about keeping everything together on a "normal" day, now we have to worry about this crap too? Like we don't all worry about our Soldiers every minute of every day, now we have to stress about how some messed up freak got our home number. And what other info does he have? And how does he know our hubbies are gone? What comes when he tires of just phone calls? 

There are some sick sick people in the world and now I have a loaded gun in my house and I won't answer my house phone.

Today I am sad and can't blog the funnies.

Just Shut Up and Do It Already!

I HAVE to start blogging again. Have to! I think about it, I plan out posts in my head, I imagine the crazy comment love, but I keep missing the "Sit my arse in the chair and get it done" part.

Probably because Ive been doing the "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." Good thing I'm medicated again so the world is eating rainbows and pooping butterflies.

And I WILL start blogging again. I miss you. I need you. You complete me.

Don't Ask, Cause I Sure Don't Wanna Tell

One of the very first questions when you meet someone is "So what do you do?" or "What does your husband do?" or something along those lines. I HATE that question. Hate.


Not because I care that people know I'm a SAHM, or that Charley is in the Army. I hate that as soon as people hear that he is Army the follow up question is ALWAYS "Is he deployed?"


Listen up Newbies. I do not want to answer that question. Especially if you are the two repair men that showed up at my house today (did I mention they were 2 hours late because they got lost?)  (And did I mention they were lost because they didn't know the meaning of the word "parallel" and felt to stupid to call me back for clarification?) 

Newbie at the supermarket: Its awesome that you had a neighbor who knew someone who deployed one time, and I am so sorry that you can't seem to remember the name of the base he was stationed at. Oh, and I really am okay with women being in the military. It never crosses my mind that my husband could be cheating on me the entire time he is gone. Its called trust, but thanks for that.

Creepy Neighbor Kid Sporting Man Boobs: Please stop calling me. I do not want to go to a party with you and your 19 year old friends that have all dropped out of the Kentucky public school system. I do not appreciate the rose pictures you text me. I do not want to meet your Momma- I don't really care how much she likes to cook. Why don't I give your number to Charley and let him answer that question. 

I do not want people knowing Charley is gone. Well, I don't care if my B-Dubbers know- but I would rather not share with those I come in contact with here. I don't like knowing that other people in the area know I'm home alone with the kids. It makes me feel all creepy. Especially if they look like the repair guys from today.

This is a new one for me. Charley's last deployment never aroused these feelings. I lived in a Red Neck neighborhood full of nosy people constantly checking out the window to see who was driving down the street; all of whom sported firearms. Its a nice cozy feeling. Safe.

Here I feel like the odd ball cause I am the heavily armed. I had someone tell me they didn't want their kid over at my house because we own guns. Thats a story for a different day, but you get the picture.

And I sure as hell made sure the pistol was loaded as soon as those creepy repair guys left. 


Nothing says confidence like a Lady sporting gun. 

Playing Catch-up

I've been on the quiet side for the last few months- yeah, yeah, summer..... kids..... travel.... blah blah. Unfortunately for me, my excuses have run out as today marked the very first day back to school! Whoot! Sanity will soon reign supreme in the B-Dub hood! Okay, not really- and if I was normal all of a sudden you all would stop reading. Yes, you know who you are! I can see you!


Part of my issue, well, one of my issues, is that I can't sit. I herniated two discs in my back and sitting is pretty much out of the picture till I get it all worked out. Or until I take massive pain pills and muscle relaxers, but then I can't type or complete a sentence or stop rubbing my nose. 


Another suckage for me? The hubbs has the laptop with him in the Ghanistan. No lazy couch surfing for me! I am stuck with the blackberry that takes 4.32 minutes to load a page; which if all you have to do all day is lay around on the couch and pout then 4.32 minutes is an acceptable amount to suffer. It's how I read all your blogs. I'm totally hip with the reading, but waiting even longer to try and post a comment isn't gonna happen. Sorry dogs- 


I have started reading "The Cat Who ..." series by Lillian Jackson Braun; I figured with 25 books in the series I should be occupied for awhile. Unfortunately it leaves me with a sense that my life is not complete due to my utter lack of feline companionship. I have never, ever, not in a million years been a cat person so imagine my surprise when I found myself on the Humane Societies website checking out long haired extra large size cats. No skinny Siamese for me, give me the Big Bertha.


I am also inspired to start my own series of posts called "The Dog Who...." This evenings venture? "The Dog Who Knocked Over 12 Mason Jars of Apple Pie Filling (That Took Me an Entire Day to Make and Can) Without Breaking a Single One." It is a riveting, edge of your seat, nail biting episode of tail wagging, slobbering, drooling, stumbling mess of a dog sharing a heartwarming game of dress-up with his little girl. He couldn't really help himself, he hasn't quite figured out how to walk in a dress. 

Cross dressing is one of his many new hobbies.

Keep an eye out for even more "The Dog Who..." adventures- you never know what kind of mischief a fun loving poop brown dog can get into!  


And on a final note I would be remiss in my obligations as the most awesomest Auntie B-Dub of all time if failed to introduce you to my newest nephew, Peter Arrington Z-Dog.

Don't worry boy, I would cry too if I was covered in cheese.

Southern Cooking

So today I might have taken a few too many prescription meds which might have lead to some fun activities like writing a cookbook. Cause who doesn't write recipes when all jacked up on prescription meds? 


My big idea was to take my fav recipes and give them a southern twist. My world came crashing down about 3 minutes in cause everything I know about cooking can be summed up in 3 rules of thumb: 


1. add a minimum of 1 stick of butter per recipe.
2. for savory dishes, use Lawry's Seasoned Salt
3. deep fry everything, including candy bars dipped in funnel cake batter. Its delish, I promise.




Yeah, that about sums it up. Butter, Lawry's, and deep fat fry; the spirit of all things Southern Cookin.


That also explains why I gained like 15lbs this summer.


That, and cake. 

In Case You Were Wondering

Summer has been happening. And cake. Lots and lots of cake.

It started with a dance in the rain

Chinese birthday lunch for a punk who is now 4.

Making a new best friend flamingos named "Flamingo"

Lots of snuggles with my Bo Biscut

Jealousy. 

CAKE

Then there were these things that swarmed my babies. If you can call  4 and 10 years old a babies...

Then, the very next day, Littlest took a dog bite to the face and kept on kickin

For the first time in 2 years finally went down the slide!

And then we wound up back here. I think thats some kind of record! 3 days in a row, best. vaca. ever.

So we fixed her up with  .... you guessed it! CAKE!

Even Chubaca shared in the festivities! Just look at that restraint! And the demon eye. I think he was trying to use his telekinesis powers. Or maybe he was just constipated. 

And then I shared some finger painting skills with Chicken Wing. He is a quick study.

And now if only Bert would have her dang baby already we could call this an 

"Almost, But Not Quite, Perfect Summer"