If Your Kids Ever Mutiny, I Feel Your Pain

Having two punks home this week was not fun. Not fun at all. They played this super fun game called "Tag-Team" to see just how crazy they can make me. I did NOT enjoy this game. Littlest, who is used to having 8 hours of Momma time a day, decided she would make sure I couldn't spend time with Oldest. Should I choose to disobey her rules she dished out the punishment. Not being one to submit without a fight I ignored her tantrums, I am the MOM after all- and isn't that what Mom's are for? To ignore their kids? 


Anyways, I decided to snap some pictures of my favorite Littlest Moments (and how to fix 'em). Wait, I just realized that one is a video and I don't know how to post a video. Dang it.


*visualize* 
I was helping Oldest with some things in his room. Littlest got really quiet. Quite is BAD, especially from her. I decide to investigate as I could hear her on the stairs and she shouldn't be on the stairs. I walked out of Oldest's bedroom and right there on the wall was a giant letter H. This letter H was followed by more letter H's. They went side by side down one wall, around the corner, and up the wall by the stairs. 


I bought Mr. Clean Magic Erasers and made her little ornery butt scrub them all off the walls. And I only ripped out about 4 hairs out of 10 (like that rating system?) from the Letter H fiasco. 
*end visualization*


Now the one that really got to me happened this morning. Oldest and I have been working on a model helicopter for a few days. And what I really mean is I have been working on it while Oldest watched. Littlest had enough of me spending time with her brother and demonstrated it in a new and unique way. She spilled Barbie Pink nail polish all over my bathroom. See:

And this is only part of the disaster. It covered the floor too.

Here is where my compulsive need to hoard come in super handy. I had this old toothbrush that I was planning on using for Chubaca. It worked great in combination with nail polish remover to get all the paint off the counter. 

Think I can still use this on Chubaca?? .......

Is that a "No?" I figured.

The real magic here wasn't so much the bristled side of the tooth brush, but the tongue scraper side. You know the rubbery thing thats stuck to the back of the toothbrush.

See? This part here works fantastic for the pools of hardened paint!

Oh, and for the floors I dumped out remover and mopped it. Worked great!

You can see by the background that all Barbie Pink polish has been successfully removed. This one ended up with an 8 out of 10 ripped out hairs. Since there is no school tomorrow either I imagine that she will try yet again to hit that magic 10. At which point no amount of Xanex in the world can help me. 


And on a totally sad note: All the playing in poop water took its toll on Chubaca's feet. The pads on his back feet are all torn up and starting to get infected despite the  massive quantities of peroxide I have been using on him. The up-side? He can totally rock out the two sock look.

Littlest showed her rarely seen Sweet side when I was bandaging Chuey's feet. She pet his head and loved on him. Then as a reward for his good behavior she added accessories to his bandaged feets.

And every dog wants Dora band-aids. Trust me.

And I promise that towel used to be clean.

Well, before I cleaned out his paws it was.

Apparently peroxide doesn't agree with my towels.

Or maybe it works really great and got all the junk off his paws.

Either way- still looks gross in this picture.

Think I can win the "Longest Picture Caption" award?

I bet if I tried really hard I could.

But then you would prolly get bored and leave me forever.

And I can't have that cause I need you.

You keep me sane. 

Well, on most days.

The End.

Flooding = Swimming in Poop

When we moved to Clarksville I was all bummed out to see the actual size of the hill our house is on. Every time I have to mow the grass I kick and scream and curse the hill. Now that the entire city is flooding I feel bad. I mean really bad, so bad in fact that I baked the hill some cookies and called it Sweetheart. I think we are on the road to forgiveness; well, I hope so anyhills. 


The flood waters reached right up to my yard and then stopped! Not that they had much choice as the hill has started forgiving me and was all "You can't get these people, Mr. Flood Waters! She bakes me cookies and whispers sweet nothings to me. And she picks up the dog poop so I don't have to smell it." And the hill protected us. It was like magic!

So today to celebrate our survival we decided to let Chubaca play fetch in the water- one of his favorite activities.

 Now, anyone with little Punks knows that you can't have water + kids + splashing without letting the kids play in the water too. So I did what any Redneck type of Momma does and let the kids play. And the neighbor boy joined the party. And by "boy" I mean 19 year old who lives with his parents, doesn't work, and I think he has a crush on me. He just texted me a picture of a rose. I'm scared.


But not as scared as I was earlier when he decided to take his shirt off. I thought my eyeballs were gonna fry right out of my head. Its just not right that a guy has bigger boobs than me. Just sayin.

So after a few hours of playing even Chubaca got tired. The kids are pooped. Well, Littlest just got her second wind so I guess it didn't work out quite like planned. Speaking of poop! As I was attempting to herd the kids up the hill to have some lunch another neighbor came over. Turns out the sewage treatment plant is completely underwater resulting in raw sewage pumping into the river. Awesome. I let my kids swim in poop.


One more negative from the flooding is all the creepy crawlies that have come out to play. Snakes are NOT my favorite. Turtles are okay, it was especially funny to see one kick Chubaca's arse!!!

Moral of the Story: Don't let your kids play in poop water full of snakes unless your name is B-Dub and you are a Redneck. Oh, and don't let creepy 19 year olds have your phone number. Ever.

Sometimes It's OKAY to Smack Your Kids

Yesterday morning I was watching my usual hour or so of Good Morning America (have to keep up with current events and all...) and Oldest was sitting at the table eating his breakfast. Littlest wasn't awake yet.

Oldest looks up as the commercials come on; cause lets face it, they are WAY more interesting than stupid NEWS. Well, for a 9 year old that is. He had this really funny look on his face. He was really concentrating hard, so hard in fact that I thought he was gonna bust a blood vessel.

Concerned for his safety I asked what was going on. He points to the TV. There, in the commercial, is a kid waking up her mother at some horrid early time in the morning. Her hair is perfect and she woke up smiling. Her make up artist did a fantastic job with the whole "let's pretend I didn't spend 3 hours sitting in the chair and that I naturally look like this" look.

Oldest says to me "I wish you looked like that in the morning. Her hair is all nice and pretty. Yours is always messy and sticking up. And she is happy when she wakes up- you are a grump."

chirp......chirp.....chirp.......chirp.......chirp

The he says, "I guess thats why her hair is nice- cause she is happy. And your hair is ugly cause you are grumpy."

I respond, "Eat your breakfast and finish getting ready for school before I show you what GRUMPY really means."  Just another typical morning at our house!

What isn't typical is all the artsy fartsy stuff thats been going down. I start taking meds for my crazies and *POOF* I turn all Martha Stuart on you. Thats also why I haven't been blogging so much these days. I have a hard time sitting still for more than 5 minutes. My house has never been cleaner. Awesome.

So here is littlest showing off our latest endeavors. Now, for each one we made for her she expects one for her 3 girl cousins. So needless to say, I've been busy. And I burned my finger multiple times on the hot glue gun. It still hurts.

These were the first that weren't korkers. They are castles.

This guy is obviously a penguin. 

Oh, and those are korker bows behind her.

Don't worry- I didn't know what they were either.

This is supposed to be a cupcake with a cherry on top.

It looks more like a tree to me, but Littlest insisted on the "green frosting."

This one came out better, maybe. 

Does that look like a cupcake to you? 

Or am I a cupcake bow failure?

And this is the guy that just about killed me. Stupid butterfly.

I didn't have any directions to follow so there was a lot of trial and error.

And finger burning.

I asked her to "Look like a TV lady" and she gave me this face.

Blue Steel? 

Anyone?

chirp....chirp....chirp....chirp.....chirp

The End.

Happy Day to ME! Oh, and Charley too.

Today marks a momentous occasion! 6 years ago Charley and I got married- an event that my family thought would never happen as it takes a special kind of guy to put up with my brand of crazy!

We were trying to get married on the sly; meaning all secret and stuff. Kinda like eloping only everyone already knew it was gonna happen. Then my Daddy called me, the gig was up. He asked if he could come and how could I possibly say no? I couldn't. So we loaded up and went down to the courthouse with a few of Charley's friends and a few of my family members.

 Oldest was super excited. At the time he called Charley "Chuck Daddy." Eventually the "Chuck" dropped off and he was just "Daddy" but I won't ever forget how happy he was.

(I know, I was totally slouching... boo.)

(but look how cute I am with red hair!)

I will also never forget how nervous Charley was. So nervous in fact that he had left his wallet in the Barracks- so our big moment was slightly delayed as he had to make a trek across town to go get it. But you know what they say- good things come to those who wait.

And he was totally worth waiting for.

I know I'm Lame

Ok, seriously. I just today discovered how to read the blogs I'm following using Google Reader. Turns out- way super easier!! I don't have to open each site individually, just scroll down and WHAM! There they are! You are prolly all, "Geesh B-Dub- that is so like yesterday. Where have you been?"
And I'm all "I know, I know, LAMER; thats me. Loud and proud. Tech-NO card holder here."
And you're all "Good thing your so awesome, I guess I can forgive you."
And I'm all "Yeah, I am pretty awesome, I guess I can accept your apology."

But really, this opens a whole new world for me! I caught up on EVERYONES blogs in half the amount of time it took me before! Here is the issue:

I haven't figured out how to comment on your awesomeness with the Google Reader. Help me InterWebbs. Help.

PSA. Cause Everyone Should Know How.

As promised the Lorax Room Extravaganza continues. This one is another step by step photo guide titled "How to Make a Swomee-Swan From Cardboard." Because everyone should know how to make a Swomee-Swan. Or maybe you are renting a house or apartment that won't let you paint intricate murals on your walls- either way...

Step 1. Get an old cardboard box from the basement. I mean, find one somewhere cause I definitely don't still have a huge pile of boxes left over from moving sitting down there. Totally took those to the recycling center AGES ago...

Outline the shape your're trying to make, in this case a Swomee-Swan.

Step 2. Use a razor blade to cut out the shape. Be very careful not to slip and take out the Punky Assistant working with you. Even if she is giving you a major headache.

You should end up with something kinda like this.

Step 3. Turn you Punky Assistant loose with the paint. Fingers crossed that none winds up on the rug :)

See? No reason to be scared! Another piece of cardboard (that somehow found its way back to my house from the recycling center) keeps the rug SAFE.

Step 4. Commandeer all paintbrushes, paints, and painting related materials and add some "finish work" to said Swommee-Swan.

 

 Step 5. Repeat process until Punky Assistant thinks she has adequate numbers of Swommee-Swans plastered on her walls.

Step 6. Call Mom-in-law and thank her for her brilliant suggestion! Too bad for me Littlest now thinks she needs Bar-ba-loot Bears and Truffula Trees made with the same technique. Good thing I may or may have not procrastinated on the whole "Recycling Center" trip. (I love you Charley :) promise it will be gone before you get home!)

Obsessive Much? Yes, yes I am.

I just can't seem to help myself whenever I start a project I am consumed from start to finish. Latest obsession? The Lorax Room Makeover Extravaganza! Please be kind- I have never, ever, not in a million years, picked up a paintbrush and painted a picture. Ceilings? Check. Walls? Check. Picture? Nope. 

Started with this one...

Decided it was boring and so I sorta copied a page from the book and started adding color.

Not sure if I love this green. More later...

And we have Truffula Trees and Humming Fish!

Finished up some Bar-ba-loot Bears and added another layer of lighter green. Still not happy with the grass.

I repainted the green for the third and final time. And guess what? I think I love it! 

Now, this was only one of the art projects in the works. We also painted The Lorax himself, made "real" Truffula Trees, SwammeSwans, and we are currently working on Bar-ba-loot Bears. More pictures to follow, assuming my head stops pounding at some point. Prolly all the paint fumes.