Enjoy the Ride

Smart Kids = Awesome Person to Take Care of you in RETIREMENT

2012-01-24T08:22:00.000-08:00

I am a 30- something, no more spring chicken, so Hubbs and I have been talking a lot about saving money for retirement. I came up with a super hush hush secret plan we will call "My Kid Is Smart." Now the genius in that everyone will assume you are helping your child be the best they can be but what actually is happening is I am preparing them for future careers that will ensure I have a happy retirement.

For example: Oldest is going to be the doctor and Littlest will be a veterinarian. I started brain washing already, they don't have much choice at this point. Now see, great careers + good money makers = nice big comfy home with a sweet little cottage in the back for dear old Mom and Dad. PERFECTION. Free rent and easy access to grandbabies. Isn't that what retirement is all about?

On with the "My Kid is Smart" plan: Littlest started Kindergarten this year (Wahhhhhhhaaahahahahhahahha). During the second week of school she came home and announced "I decided I can read now" and boy did she. I couldn't believe it, she had been holding out on me! The catch is though that she will only read what she wants to read and in typical K-grade style she is more interested in looking at the pictures and making up her own story.

Fiddling around on Pintrest I cam across this blog and decided "I can do that" and so I did. Only slightly different, mostly because I forgot what kind of paint chips I needed and I had also forgotten my phone so I couldn't look it up and the lady at the paint counter thought I was crazy when I asked her about it and gave me the side eye while I snatched up about 100 paint card thingies. I wanted to make sure I had enough- sue me.

SO, here it is- Operation Word Family. For a complete list of everything/ how to make it the right way go here.

Here are the Word Families (words that all end the same)

Here is Chubaca- intrigued by all the pretty colors (or my burrito).

He just couldn't keep his dang nose out of it.

Admittedly, it is pretty awesome.

The pink stack is word beginnings- 'totally' different

than the original- what can I say, I am a rebel.

My computer hates me. It won't let me rotate this pic.

Whatev- Right? You get the idea.

I did eventually cut all the word endings into 3 parts so it would be easier to work with/less distracting.

Pretty amazing, Right?

B-Dub OUT.

Thought I Fell Off the Planet? Me Too!!

2012-01-22T08:56:00.000-08:00

Ahhh, Blogger- I have missed you! Sorry for the absence but crafting, school starting, and living sort of got in the way.

During my absence I have been busy (Get it, Busy B-Dub....) getting my craft on, don't worry I will share my ideas and how-to's. I even opened an Etsy Shop for all you B-Dub coolness needs.

BTW, have you discovered Pinterest? Totally addicted, chuck full of excellent ideas- and a way to organize them? Awesome. This site is invite only so let me know if you are in need- I can totally hook you up!

And now I'm off again- Oldest needs to be picked up. Until next time, meanwhile enjoy the eye candy: (obviously available in my Etsy Shop- shameless self promotion, I know...)

Fun with Shutterfly!

2011-05-05T15:58:00.000-07:00

Photo Card

View the entire collection of cards.

Oldest Biggest Day

2011-04-13T10:52:00.000-07:00

Oldest had a big day today, surgery #2 on his ear. See, he had this lump that showed up a year or so ago and we had it removed in October. Pathology report: cyst. Gross.

Pre-op, too cool for school

The day we went to pick up Charley from his deployment Oldest's ear started oozing. Even grosser.

ENT doctor decided he needed to go back in and clean out whatever is built up in there- hence surgery #2. So as of right now there are a few options as to what exactly was growing in his ear lobe.

#1: another cyst
#2: the sutures from surgery 1 didn't dissolve properly and became infected
#3: unknown

Post-op, not so cool now huh...

So now we are playing the waiting game until the lab sends its findings. Hopefully next week we will have some answers.

Lucky boy got to keep his ear lobe!!

Dr. wasn't sure he could save it =)

Cross your fingers and dot your i's that this is the end of ear lobe drama.

Poor boy has been sleeping ever since.

Codine is good like that.

Animal Education, by Randall

2011-04-07T06:20:00.000-07:00

Watch and be educated. If you produce nature shows of one kind or another keep this guy in mind for your next gig. I bet more people would watch documentaries if they were as fantastic as this one.

Easter Baskets and Naked Bunnies

2011-04-06T09:19:00.000-07:00

Searching for the "perfect" Easter basket for Littlest has been a hair pulling, "no you aren't getting Dora so stop having a fit or I will give you a real reason to cry," "Holy cow, I'm never bringing you out in public again. Ever." sort of thing every year. Of course it could be worse. I could have to search for a basket for Oldest too. Luckily for me C's mom saves everything including his childhood basket. Oldest has since inherited said bunny basket and loves it- saving me precious brain cells every year.

Littlest had the cutest basket for a few years before it turned into a toy and was subsequently destroyed. Every basket since has followed in its predecessor's footsteps so this year I decided I wouldn't spend any more money on something she will destroy in less than a week. You guessed it- I made one.

Crochet holding 3 colors of yarn together: Green Purple White

Problem is, this is boooooooorrrrrrrring so I added in some green and purple ribbon.

Not gonna lie, I still think this is fairly boring so I scoured the internet for some sort of appliqué or something to give this baby some life. I went with naked bunnies.

Naked bunny needed a friend. And a bow tie. Every 'bunny' knows naked looks better with a bow tie. And an eyeball, they definitely needed eyeballs.

See there? All dresses up in their bow ties and ready for their chippendale auditions. Poor bunny on the left doesn't stand a chance, they don't like guys with droopy eyeballs and his just won't stay up.

So here we have it folks, one naked bunny Easter basket. Total cost: 0 dollars. Mental humor every time I see it: PRICELESS.

(although I still think its kinda boring, any suggestions?)

ps. keep in mind this is for a 4 year old.

pps. any ideas on what to put in a 10 year old boy's Easter basket? I'm clueless.

Ideas, Thinking, and Such

2011-03-30T07:39:00.000-07:00

I miss you guys!!!!

Now to the goods without further apology for my long absence here it is:

I think once a week or so I'm going to post about free stuff. This will be mostly for my couponing buddies so if you aren't interested, well, too bad :)

Besides, who doesn't like free stuff?

In further news: We spent spring break in Nashville and I LOVED it. If you haven't been to Gaylord Opryland you are missing out. Except we didn't actually stay there cause lets face it- I'm no millionaire, so we sneaked in the back door and wandered aimlessly for hours. Thats how we roll.

Me and Momma of B-Dub

INSIDE Opryland. Yes, inside.

Crazy Couponer? Semi-Guilty.

2011-01-17T11:14:00.000-08:00

I decided a few months ago to give the whole "couponing" thing a try even though it made me feel super extremely old. And embarrassed. Maybe a little crazy.

Worth it? You decide. I'm going to break down my short trip to Walgreen's from today. Keep in mind that during the last few months I learned about fantastic things like "multiple transactions" and "coupon matchups" and other extremely time consuming and embarrassing endeavors all in the name of savings.

Total Items Purchased (quantities in parenthesis):

(4) 2-liters Pepsi products

(2) Gillette ProGlide Razer

(2) Pill Glide Spray

(2) Jumbo Pk Pampers

(4) Vicks Drops

(6) Bagged "W" brand candy

(6) Kraft Home-style Mac and Cheese

Total cost of all items before sales/discounts/coupons: 99.39

Total Walgreen's Advertised Savings (including store coupons): 23.52

Total Manufacturer Coupons: 39.00

Total Savings: 62.52

Out of Pocket expense: 36.87

Now here is where I really bank because Wags does this thing called Register Rewards which works like cash back to use on your next purchase. Every week they offer new RR deals and I scoop up as many as possible! This is where multiple transactions come in as most are limit one per customer. Well, if I check out twice that makes me 2 customers :)

Total RR generated this trip: $23.00

If I apply the RRs to my savings for this trip it works out to be $85.52 in savings for $99.39 in merchandise or said another way: paying $13.87 for $99.39 worth of merchandise.

The other advantage to Wags is the catalina coupons that print with the RRs. Today I generated an additional $14.00 of coupons- but I won't add those to todays savings because I haven't used them yet.

Sounds awesome right? Well the truth is yep, I am pretty awesome. And I really did save tons today but I DID spend $36.87 out of pocket, and the Register Rewards are great and help make up for that BUT you have to actually use them! And like all other coupons they do have an expiration date so if I forget to take them with me or they expire before I have a chance to use them then the savings isn't really so great. And that my webbies is where the stores win. They count on you to forget or not use the RRs because they get to keep that money.

Maybe I need to devise another way of accounting for savings- like not including RRs until I actually use them in a transaction. That way I only factor in my "real" savings. Hmmmm, deserves some thought.

On and end note: Tons of my Facebook peeps keep asking HOW DO YOU DO IT??? So maybe I will sit down and write a tutorial on how to coupon. Advise.

The Hauntings Continue!

2011-01-04T14:30:00.000-08:00

Remember how I mention that my car is possessed?

(my car only wishes it was this cool)

Well, Mr Poltergeist has decided that due to the cold weather we have been experiencing he needed to relocate. And so he has packed his bags and moved into my house; Oldest's room to be precise. And sometimes the hallway for a change of scenery (and smellery I'm sure).

He likes to make his presence known in the evening hours by blocking out all light in Oldest room (and/or the hallway). And by blocking light I mean he doesn't allow the lights to be turned on. Just so we are clear: said lights function properly all day long- turning on and off with the flip of the switch. Then during the evening (when light is needed most) he pulls his dastardly prank and no amount of light switch flipping will rid the room of darkness.

All things considered it really isn't the worst haunting ever- pretty clever if you ask me. He must know the boy loves the Goosebumps series (what 10yo boy doesn't?) and enjoys a little harmless prank on occasion.

It could be worse, for instance he could go bump in the night invoking a pistol wielding B-Dub to come racing down the stairs. Lets face it, nothing is scarier than a B-Dub woken from sleep by bumps in the night: with or without pistol, the hair is scary enough to rid the premises of all but the most determined evil-doers in possession of great intestinal fortitude. I kid not.

Now picture this with no flat iron or styling products. Super Scary.

But here is my warning dear Mr.Poltergeist, the Daddy is coming home and he doesn't take kindly to other guys trying to move in on his turf. Your days are numbered. Just sayin.

Two-ish Weeks

2011-01-03T18:25:00.000-08:00

Its almost time my Webbies! Charley is leaving his Combat OutPost in like two freakin weeks! Of course that doesn't mean he will be home in two weeks it just means he is leaving his current location and will be on the way. Still no due date, but heck who needs one! I'm just excited he will be getting the heck outta there.

Maybe then I can get back to blogging. I don't write much these days because I don't have anything nice to say, once he is home I won't have anything left to bitch about.... And for some reason that sentence isn't making sense so I'm gonna pretend I didn't write it and move on....

This is what Charley has been up to the last 11 months. He is in the second truck. He also reports that the cell that recorded this video is no longer around thanks to the boot they shoved up their turbaned behinds!!!!

(if that video doesn't work try this link- and remember I am a tech-NO! so pretty proud that I actually copied a link in the first place : ) )

I can't wait for my Hero to be home!!!

Tooth Fairy-ish Nonsense

2010-12-05T16:36:00.000-08:00

Littlest is scared to come out of her room. She counts her teeth before bed and in the mornings just to make sure. Wanna know why? Cause the mean Tooth Fairy on the top of our tree might try and steal them if she isn't careful. Thats right, the TOOTH FAIRY. On top of our tree, and the tree at her school, and the tree at McCrappies, and the tree at Wally.... you get the idea. Tooth Fairy.

You should see the looks I get when she spouts that one out in public. Geesh.

The Tale of Two Trees

2010-12-01T19:36:00.000-08:00

We met in March, married in April, and moved to Montana in May. Whirlwind romance doesn't begin to describe it. It was crazy, stupid, and wrong (in more ways than one). So when I say it was our first Christmas what I mean is: I didn't know anything about being "together" during a holiday, nothing about family traditions, nothing about not going home. Nothing.

And then we had our first big fight. And by "big fight" I mean all encompassing - you're not gonna change me- NO, I'm not just like your Grandma- kinda fight. Basically two bulls met in the china shop and neither bull won. And ya wanna know why? I will tell you why, and he might go all guy-ish and say he doesn't remember or that it wasn't such a big deal but I REMEMBER, cause it was our first fight. And my life was almost over cause of it.

It was all due to the fact that I wanted a fake tree. Not just any fake tree either; I'm talking super fake with ONLY blue and white ornaments. And snowmen. If it wasn't blue, white, or snowman shaped it wasn't going anywhere NEAR my tree. Cause it was our first one and I wanted it to be special, something to be remembered, something to be proud of. His idea of "special" and "proud" were different than mine.

He wanted his ornaments his Momma just gave him on my blue, white, and snowman tree. But he didn't tell me that. He didn't even tell me that his Momma GAVE him the ornaments. I didn't know. I also didn't know that fake tree and 'Montana' don't mix. Its like adding pine-sol and bleach. Or is it Lysol? Anywho- you should never mix cleaning supplies or go on a huffing spree even if it is Christmas.

Back at it: The fight was on, only see it wasn't fair cause I thought we were fighting cause he kept picking on me saying stuff like "I can't believe I married my GRANDMOTHER" and then talk smack about how Grammy can't cook and how she has a tree that only has blue and white and snowman ornaments. He was mean and hurt my widdle feewings. All the while I kept hurting his just by not recognizing his need for... for..... well, for lack of better wording- tradition.

Tradition doesn't feel like the right word, its something more- like Alice I didn't have my "muchness" and I didn't even realize it. So long story short it wasn't exactly the bestest first Christmas ever. Unfortunately neither was our second- which was really our third cause he was deployed for the 'real' second one. It was back to the whole "tree" thing again. I just didn't get it; it wasn't about the ornaments.

Fast forward a whole lotta years: The kids and I decorated our tree tonight. We went through every box of ornaments and told stories about some while others were shoved on as fast as possible so they could each hang more than their sibling. Finally the end came and I tucked them into their beds and sat on the couch looking at that dang tree. The kids each put some of Daddy's ornaments on. I saved a few to put on myself. The kids had put all of his right at eye level (so basically the top and bottom of the tree are totally covered with not much in the middle) so I spread them all out and added the ribbons and bows that tiny hands couldn't quite master.

I think I get it now. The ones we love the most are the ones that have been around the longest. I don't care anymore if my tree is bluewhitesnowman. My tree has all colors, shapes, sizes (I like to think its an equal opportunity tree). What makes it great is the stories we share about each one, the memory, the love. Its not about the commercialization- the best ones are made by generations of tiny hands. And for us its one more way to try and fill in the hole he left behind. For me, its one more physical representation of how that man has made me a better person without even trying.

And it occurred to me that all you can see

in this pic are the blue and white ornaments,

but I totally swear there are TONs of others.

Stupid flash.

ps: Most awesome tree skirt EVER, handmade by the bestest sister ever. Even if her name is Bert.

pps: I think the angel is about to take a flying leap. Prolly I should cut down the branch that is shoved so rudely up her derrière so she is a little more stable.

Wags: I Love you

2010-11-30T12:18:00.000-08:00

I recently tuned into the world of couponing. Never bothered before and oh how very wrong I was. With a little bit of blog reading *which I do anyways* and the purchase of a Sunday paper I too can be a super saver. Example: Todays Walgreens trip

Total for all items: $110.23

Total Walgreens store coupons: $31.75

Total Manufacturer coupons: $ 36.69

Total Register Rewards (cash back to use on next purchase): 25.00

Total Savings: $ 93.44

Making todays grand total a whopping 16.79

Wanna know what 16.79 look like? Whoot, here it is:

Pretty much an awful pic thanks to the dark and rainy crap outside.

Not to mention the blur- why bbry are you blurry? Jerk.

And since my phone is pulling its blurry crap I will just tell you what I got:

4 packages command hooks (the ones that wont mess up the walls) 1 Bic candle lighter, 2 sticker books, 2 mini puzzles, 1 box 100 ct envelopes, 1 box 40 ct envelopes, 2 juicy fruit collectors tins (full of gum), 3 pkgs Breathe Right strips, 3 bags Betty Crocker blueberry muffins, 2 boxes Domino brown sugar, 4 large bags pretzel M&Ms, 2 large bags mint M&Ms, 2 large bags peanut M&Ms, 2 bottles Dawn dish soap, 2 Skittles filled Santa heads, 2 bottles NyQuil, 2 containers of Lysol wipes, 1 box puffs tissues, 6 small packages Russel Stovers chocolate Santas, and one package of pain patches.

Super Duper Fun : ) Tomorrow is Target day- hopefully it will go as well!!!!

Veterans Day? Do I qualify?

2010-11-10T15:16:00.000-08:00

Yep, I do indeed. And I wouldn't trade him for anything.

H is for Happy with Him, oh and Halloween

2010-11-03T17:05:00.000-07:00

Goofs, I know.

Oldest had to sneak in for this one.

Charley looks like he has a little Captain in him

Littlest pulling her "Anna Nicole" impersonation.

What should have been under the shroud- but it was itchy and had to go

BTW he was supposed to be one of the ring wraiths from

Lord of the Rings. Except he didn't like the hood all the way on

cause then he couldn't see...

Hoarder Success Story or Fiery Bunghole. Toss up.

2010-10-20T14:00:00.000-07:00

Yesterday in my nervous energy state (yep, C is traveling only I don't know when he will actually get HERE) I took it upon myself to clean Littlest room. I should totally be on Hoarders cause after two very full trash bags of toys made their final migration to the trash bin outside her toy box was still overflowing. OVERFLOWING. Geesh, no wonder her dang room was always a mess! Best part is she hasn't even noticed that anything is missing. Serious. Kinda makes me not want to buy her anything for Christmas except for underwear. And maybe socks.

It was during this cleaning spree that something super wrong started happening to me. And by "super wrong" I mean I have flames of fire shooting out of my a*%. FIRE. It was so nasty I had to shower after. Twice. Awesome.

And now you know more about me than you did yesterday.

And I still don't know when Charley is gonna get off his ever lovin tuckas and freakin pick up the phone and tell me when he will be here!!!!

Patience and I are not friends.

Oh, and I'm wearing purple today- so should you

FREAKIN get here ALREADY!

My Car is Possessed and Other Unfortunate Events

2010-10-15T08:11:00.000-07:00

Ya know how sometimes you park in front of a building that has rows of windows and you can see your car's reflection? Well, either my car is possessed or the buildings I park in front of are haunted. Seeing as I park in front of lots of buildings I'm inclined to believe that its my car. I try to be good to her, sure the exploding soda cans were an oversight on my part, but maintenance is almost always only a few months late. Now she is expressing her dislike of my ownership or some mean spirited ghost has possessed her. I think its the ghost cause who wouldn't want to be my car???

Anywho, besides the exploding radiator and ruptured brake lines we now have the "magic lights." And by magic lights I mean sometimes when I see her reflection the headlights both work and sometimes only one works. And it isn't always the same one thats not working. I'm thinking this poltergeist has personality, likes variety and long walks on the beach. I'm giving her free reign until Charley get here (he gets on the helicopter tomorrow-ish!!!!!) At that point he is gonna kick her sorry butt out of there and my poor baby car can return to normal.

In other news Oldest thought he saw a mouse in the basement. And then I thought I saw mouse poop in the basement. I bought those sticky traps, lots of them, and strategically placed them around the perimeter just like it says to. Do you think I caught the mouse? Nope, that would be too normal for my house. Instead I'm catching birds. Birds with yellow feathers. Birds that have no hope of becoming unstuck from the sticky. Poor birds.

And then there is Littlest. She had to get some shots and shots equal ear splitting screeching, crying, and gnashing of teeth followed by crabby butt. Speaking of butts, yesterday she came out of the bathroom and announced "My butt hates me" and ran to her room. Gotta love my punks : )

10 Days

2010-10-06T10:45:00.000-07:00

In just 10 days my favorite soldier will be loading up on a helicopter so he can come visit his family. I'm so excited that when I think about it I get nauseous. And he is so excited that he quit calling home cause he would get nauseous too. Pretty much, we are exactly alike except for the parts where we are polar opposites.

I bet he will be super excited to not live here anymore :)

Anywho, now I have to go puke cause I thought about it again. In the mean time, what the heck am I gonna do at the airport? Come on creative people, I know your out there......

I need a sign idea or something fun and I can't think about it cause I get the yucks all over again. Doh! I just thought about it!!! Ug!

S%*t Happens But This Just Sucks

2010-10-03T19:19:00.000-07:00

So here I was all sorts of ready to rejoin the blogging world when I find out about the phone calls being made to some of the other wives in my troop:

"I wanted to bring this to everyone's attention. Recently a few

spouses in one of our troops have received a harassing phone call.
The calls have happened late at night from a blocked number to home phones and the man on the line whispers to disguise his voice trying to pose as the deployed
spouse. He says that he's not supposed to be using the phone (commo
blackout) so that's why he's whispering. The caller then gets more
harassing as the conversation is ending."

Really????

I mean, REALLY?????!!!!!!!?????

And this is actually happened to people I know. Like its not enough that we have to worry about keeping everything together on a "normal" day, now we have to worry about this crap too? Like we don't all worry about our Soldiers every minute of every day, now we have to stress about how some messed up freak got our home number. And what other info does he have? And how does he know our hubbies are gone? What comes when he tires of just phone calls?

There are some sick sick people in the world and now I have a loaded gun in my house and I won't answer my house phone.

Today I am sad and can't blog the funnies.

Just Shut Up and Do It Already!

2010-09-29T06:19:00.000-07:00

I HAVE to start blogging again. Have to! I think about it, I plan out posts in my head, I imagine the crazy comment love, but I keep missing the "Sit my arse in the chair and get it done" part.

Probably because Ive been doing the "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." Good thing I'm medicated again so the world is eating rainbows and pooping butterflies.

And I WILL start blogging again. I miss you. I need you. You complete me.

Don't Ask, Cause I Sure Don't Wanna Tell

2010-08-11T18:51:00.000-07:00

One of the very first questions when you meet someone is "So what do you do?" or "What does your husband do?" or something along those lines. I HATE that question. Hate.

Not because I care that people know I'm a SAHM, or that Charley is in the Army. I hate that as soon as people hear that he is Army the follow up question is ALWAYS "Is he deployed?"

Listen up Newbies. I do not want to answer that question. Especially if you are the two repair men that showed up at my house today (did I mention they were 2 hours late because they got lost?) (And did I mention they were lost because they didn't know the meaning of the word "parallel" and felt to stupid to call me back for clarification?)

Newbie at the supermarket: Its awesome that you had a neighbor who knew someone who deployed one time, and I am so sorry that you can't seem to remember the name of the base he was stationed at. Oh, and I really am okay with women being in the military. It never crosses my mind that my husband could be cheating on me the entire time he is gone. Its called trust, but thanks for that.

Creepy Neighbor Kid Sporting Man Boobs: Please stop calling me. I do not want to go to a party with you and your 19 year old friends that have all dropped out of the Kentucky public school system. I do not appreciate the rose pictures you text me. I do not want to meet your Momma- I don't really care how much she likes to cook. Why don't I give your number to Charley and let him answer that question.

I do not want people knowing Charley is gone. Well, I don't care if my B-Dubbers know- but I would rather not share with those I come in contact with here. I don't like knowing that other people in the area know I'm home alone with the kids. It makes me feel all creepy. Especially if they look like the repair guys from today.

This is a new one for me. Charley's last deployment never aroused these feelings. I lived in a Red Neck neighborhood full of nosy people constantly checking out the window to see who was driving down the street; all of whom sported firearms. Its a nice cozy feeling. Safe.

Here I feel like the odd ball cause I am the heavily armed. I had someone tell me they didn't want their kid over at my house because we own guns. Thats a story for a different day, but you get the picture.

And I sure as hell made sure the pistol was loaded as soon as those creepy repair guys left.

Nothing says confidence like a Lady sporting gun.

Playing Catch-up

2010-08-06T20:54:00.000-07:00

I've been on the quiet side for the last few months- yeah, yeah, summer..... kids..... travel.... blah blah. Unfortunately for me, my excuses have run out as today marked the very first day back to school! Whoot! Sanity will soon reign supreme in the B-Dub hood! Okay, not really- and if I was normal all of a sudden you all would stop reading. Yes, you know who you are! I can see you!

Part of my issue, well, one of my issues, is that I can't sit. I herniated two discs in my back and sitting is pretty much out of the picture till I get it all worked out. Or until I take massive pain pills and muscle relaxers, but then I can't type or complete a sentence or stop rubbing my nose.

Another suckage for me? The hubbs has the laptop with him in the Ghanistan. No lazy couch surfing for me! I am stuck with the blackberry that takes 4.32 minutes to load a page; which if all you have to do all day is lay around on the couch and pout then 4.32 minutes is an acceptable amount to suffer. It's how I read all your blogs. I'm totally hip with the reading, but waiting even longer to try and post a comment isn't gonna happen. Sorry dogs-

I have started reading "The Cat Who ..." series by Lillian Jackson Braun; I figured with 25 books in the series I should be occupied for awhile. Unfortunately it leaves me with a sense that my life is not complete due to my utter lack of feline companionship. I have never, ever, not in a million years been a cat person so imagine my surprise when I found myself on the Humane Societies website checking out long haired extra large size cats. No skinny Siamese for me, give me the Big Bertha.

I am also inspired to start my own series of posts called "The Dog Who...." This evenings venture? "The Dog Who Knocked Over 12 Mason Jars of Apple Pie Filling (That Took Me an Entire Day to Make and Can) Without Breaking a Single One." It is a riveting, edge of your seat, nail biting episode of tail wagging, slobbering, drooling, stumbling mess of a dog sharing a heartwarming game of dress-up with his little girl. He couldn't really help himself, he hasn't quite figured out how to walk in a dress.

Cross dressing is one of his many new hobbies.

Keep an eye out for even more "The Dog Who..." adventures- you never know what kind of mischief a fun loving poop brown dog can get into!

And on a final note I would be remiss in my obligations as the most awesomest Auntie B-Dub of all time if failed to introduce you to my newest nephew, Peter Arrington Z-Dog.

Don't worry boy, I would cry too if I was covered in cheese.

Southern Cooking

2010-07-22T17:16:00.000-07:00

So today I might have taken a few too many prescription meds which might have lead to some fun activities like writing a cookbook. Cause who doesn't write recipes when all jacked up on prescription meds?

My big idea was to take my fav recipes and give them a southern twist. My world came crashing down about 3 minutes in cause everything I know about cooking can be summed up in 3 rules of thumb:

1. add a minimum of 1 stick of butter per recipe.
2. for savory dishes, use Lawry's Seasoned Salt
3. deep fry everything, including candy bars dipped in funnel cake batter. Its delish, I promise.

Yeah, that about sums it up. Butter, Lawry's, and deep fat fry; the spirit of all things Southern Cookin.

That also explains why I gained like 15lbs this summer.

That, and cake.

In Case You Were Wondering

2010-07-21T21:44:00.000-07:00

Summer has been happening. And cake. Lots and lots of cake.

It started with a dance in the rain

Chinese birthday lunch for a punk who is now 4.

Making a new best friend flamingos named "Flamingo"

Lots of snuggles with my Bo Biscut

Jealousy.

CAKE

Then there were these things that swarmed my babies. If you can call 4 and 10 years old a babies...

Then, the very next day, Littlest took a dog bite to the face and kept on kickin

For the first time in 2 years finally went down the slide!

And then we wound up back here. I think thats some kind of record! 3 days in a row, best. vaca. ever.

So we fixed her up with .... you guessed it! CAKE!

Even Chubaca shared in the festivities! Just look at that restraint! And the demon eye. I think he was trying to use his telekinesis powers. Or maybe he was just constipated.

And then I shared some finger painting skills with Chicken Wing. He is a quick study.

And now if only Bert would have her dang baby already we could call this an

"Almost, But Not Quite, Perfect Summer"

At Least I'm Not Alone!

2010-06-15T19:59:00.000-07:00

I was all prepared to give 12,321 excuses why I haven't blogged lately and then I looked at my reader. Turns out there are TONS of bloggers who can't take the heat and have skipped out- so I won't bore you with my excuses although some of them ARE really creative and a few are even true. Yeah, I won't even apologize for being gone, I'm just gonna keep on like I never left. Cause you like me that way. And I like me that way. And Chubaca might even like me that way but I decided it was better not to ask.

And to further distract you TAKE THIS:

This, my Webbers, is my Bo Biscuit.

He lives in Georgia so I had to go to him.

And we bonded over Golden Corral biscuits.

And he loves his Auntie B cause she feeds him said biscuits

(with strawberry jam).

(And M&M's when his parents aren't looking.)

Now that you are totally distracted with the cuteness, I need some help over here. See, on my trip to GA something happened. I was wrangled into a photography project of mammoth proportion. My Grandpa had a mom- yeah, I know you are totally shocked with that revelation....

Anywho, his mom collected things, like family pictures, and somehow they were passed on to my dad. And he passed them on to me. A whole TUB worth of pictures. And the tub is OVERFLOWING. The upside is that prolly 1/4th of them are actually labeled so I know who they are....

And some of them are tintypes (one of the earliest forms of photography) and others are from the late 1800's and early 1900's. Ya know the kind that are fixed onto thick card stock. And they smell bad. Maybe thats cause these were stored in a garage in Texas for years and years and years. And Years. smelly. bad. smells. permeating my house. smelly. bad.

And so here is the part where I need your help. I need a long term storage solution for these photos. Lets face it- even if I don't know who is in them they are still really cool to look at, and they are a small piece of history- my family history to be exact.

Even better, this nut didn't fall far from the family tree as shown in this tintype of my great great grandfather:

ok, he is the one on the left with the dark hair and mustachio.

Not sure who Country Bumpkin or Colonel Mustard are...

Prepare yourselves for the earliest form of photoshop:

Thats right Mr. Arrington!

I mean great, ummm something, grandpa!

You rock those pants!

Said the Burro to the Grandpa,

You are one funny guy.

One day your great, umm something, granddaughter

will write a blog and show the world what a funny

guy you are.

I mean were, as you are dead by now...

Dangit, now I feel all insensitive.

Stupid dead man jokes.

crap, I did it again.

But I really do need storage suggestions...

the end.

I Have Some Good News!!!

2010-05-24T11:05:00.000-07:00

I didn't die! I vanquished the ticks! Although my mental state is currently debatable resulting from two sugar rushing kids. S'mores are a girls best friend- at least until that girl grows up and has punks of her own that can't seem to sit still or quit talking after consuming the chocolaty goodness. Anywho, I'm alive and crazy- what else is new???

They couldn't seem to keep the chocolate off their hands.

BTW- this is the view from my back door.

Any question where the ticks come from?

Didn't think so.

This punk says she doesn't care about the ticks

so long as there are S'mores involved.

I guess it is officially summer as the boy is now out of school. The teachers pulled a mean joke on us parents by loading the kids up with candy to bring home. Any my oldest decided to share with Littlest so I have two sugar high punks to deal with. again. for the second day in a row. help me. please.

Random Pics on a Random Day

2010-05-17T16:38:00.000-07:00

Because my punks hate me I have decided to try and cheer myself up by sharing some awesome pics I have taken recently. I sometimes write a "Random Thoughts on a Random Day" post and this is the photo equivalent.

BTW- I will never cook dinner ever again. It always ends in screaming, tears, tantrums, "I'm not gonna eat that" et cetera. And it isn't like I am cooking fancy here B-Dubbers, I'm talking even the basics like Pot Roast with potatoes, carrots, onions. Or Chicken Alfredo, or freakin spaghetti with Ragu freakin sauce that they specifically freakin asked for and freakin picked out all by themselves at the freakin grocery store. It doesn't matter- If I make it they won't eat it.

Sorry- needed to rant that one for a minute. On to the funnies.

These are being sold in the MENS DEPARTMENT. I thought the cutoff for action figure undies was 6.

That couldn't have been freakin comfortable, or

I didn't know dog noses could bend.

She cried herself to sleep after bumping her lip on the table.

The band aids were self applied, I was unaware.

And for this week's winner:

Are you ready????

I need to own this car 'stach.

I mean I really, really, really, think I need it.

Discuss.

Return of the Mullet, oh, and I Might Die.

2010-05-12T17:46:00.000-07:00

Today the coolest thing ever happened! I was at a certain Wally store and there he was. Only, I wasn't sure if he was a he or a she. Kinda had a baby face, it was deceiving okay?? And just so you know there is a Special Place reserved for me in a place thats really hot, for sharing this one.

*Setting*
Checkout line. Super short line, only 1 person in front of me. Older lady. Young boy/girl character.

Boy/Girl character was sporting the BEST MULLET SINCE THE ACHY BREAKY HEART GUY!!!! (so sue me, I can't think of his name at the moment)

Me: (in my head, hopefully not out loud) Oh My Gosh! I wonder if his granny would be offended if I started taking pics of that mullet... Wait, is there some law about taking pics of someone else's kid? No mullet is worth jail time- thats for sure. Only this one is really close to being worth it. Ok, improvise:

Littlest is here wearing her Giraffe clip, she loves the Giraffe clip. I bet she would go for an impromptu photo shoot. What she doesn't know is that I am gonna make sure that mullet is in the picture too! I can't wait to show this one off! Oh man, I am not nice. I am a horrid person. I can't help myself.

So, ignore Littlest and check out Mullet Kid (who turns out to be a boy; I'm 73% sure anyways)

Front View.

Wait! Is he wearing a Hawaiian shirt too? Classic!

Back View.

(btw- isn't that the cutest Giraffe EVER?)

(I designed it myself. Currently working on a hippo.)

See? What did I tell you? Best Mullet Ever.

It even has the almost curly look!!!

In other news: I think I might die soon from tick poisoning. I've mentioned how my yard is over run with ticks, right? Well- typically not an issue. Pull it off and flush it. Never had to worry.

Until the last two weeks. I had one attach itself to my hip, super crazy place to get one- maybe it had rabies and was all confused about where it was and thats why I am the sickness now??? Or maybe it's cause of the poop water. Poop water can make anyone sick. Anywho, I finally went to the doctor who loaded me up with antibiotics and steroids. And because I love you, I am going to share my sickness with you.

I tried really hard to cover the stretch marks, fat rolls,

and other such "mommy marks" so I wouldn't scare you too bad.

Oh, and my undies cause Charley wouldn't like them posted all

over the interweb. At least I assume he wouldn't like it...

I now officially feel like a pharmacy. Oldest gets two pills a day, I get 3 (with antibiotic now I get 6) and thats assuming I don't take Xanex or Ambien ;) and Littlest has the snuffies and gets dosed 3 to 4 times a day. Oh, and I can't leave out the dog- he gets seizure meds twice a day. From the time I wake up until I go to bed I am dispensing meds, or waiting to dispense meds, or worrying about when I need to dispense the next round. I now have dreams about meds. I feel like a school nurse who's only job is to hand out meds and the occasional Dora the Explorer Band-Aid.

Send help. And lets hope I don't die or anything cause if I do Charley would prolly get mad at me. And my kids might miss me someday.

Come See My Shame

2010-05-07T10:46:00.000-07:00

One of my Favorite Bloggers is Amanda over at Martinis or Diaper Genies (MODG). She periodically gets her crap together and posts a Confession Friday, in which you leave a comment depicting your most humiliating/gross/unusual comment. She compiles the results and pics some winners.

Guess what? I won this week. So head on over and see what you've been missing!

If Your Kids Ever Mutiny, I Feel Your Pain

2010-05-06T19:59:00.000-07:00

Having two punks home this week was not fun. Not fun at all. They played this super fun game called "Tag-Team" to see just how crazy they can make me. I did NOT enjoy this game. Littlest, who is used to having 8 hours of Momma time a day, decided she would make sure I couldn't spend time with Oldest. Should I choose to disobey her rules she dished out the punishment. Not being one to submit without a fight I ignored her tantrums, I am the MOM after all- and isn't that what Mom's are for? To ignore their kids?

Anyways, I decided to snap some pictures of my favorite Littlest Moments (and how to fix 'em). Wait, I just realized that one is a video and I don't know how to post a video. Dang it.

*visualize*
I was helping Oldest with some things in his room. Littlest got really quiet. Quite is BAD, especially from her. I decide to investigate as I could hear her on the stairs and she shouldn't be on the stairs. I walked out of Oldest's bedroom and right there on the wall was a giant letter H. This letter H was followed by more letter H's. They went side by side down one wall, around the corner, and up the wall by the stairs.

I bought Mr. Clean Magic Erasers and made her little ornery butt scrub them all off the walls. And I only ripped out about 4 hairs out of 10 (like that rating system?) from the Letter H fiasco.
*end visualization*

Now the one that really got to me happened this morning. Oldest and I have been working on a model helicopter for a few days. And what I really mean is I have been working on it while Oldest watched. Littlest had enough of me spending time with her brother and demonstrated it in a new and unique way. She spilled Barbie Pink nail polish all over my bathroom. See:

And this is only part of the disaster. It covered the floor too.

Here is where my compulsive need to hoard come in super handy. I had this old toothbrush that I was planning on using for Chubaca. It worked great in combination with nail polish remover to get all the paint off the counter.

Think I can still use this on Chubaca?? .......

Is that a "No?" I figured.

The real magic here wasn't so much the bristled side of the tooth brush, but the tongue scraper side. You know the rubbery thing thats stuck to the back of the toothbrush.

See? This part here works fantastic for the pools of hardened paint!

Oh, and for the floors I dumped out remover and mopped it. Worked great!

You can see by the background that all Barbie Pink polish has been successfully removed. This one ended up with an 8 out of 10 ripped out hairs. Since there is no school tomorrow either I imagine that she will try yet again to hit that magic 10. At which point no amount of Xanex in the world can help me.

And on a totally sad note: All the playing in poop water took its toll on Chubaca's feet. The pads on his back feet are all torn up and starting to get infected despite the massive quantities of peroxide I have been using on him. The up-side? He can totally rock out the two sock look.

Littlest showed her rarely seen Sweet side when I was bandaging Chuey's feet. She pet his head and loved on him. Then as a reward for his good behavior she added accessories to his bandaged feets.

And every dog wants Dora band-aids. Trust me.

And I promise that towel used to be clean.

Well, before I cleaned out his paws it was.

Apparently peroxide doesn't agree with my towels.

Or maybe it works really great and got all the junk off his paws.

Either way- still looks gross in this picture.

Think I can win the "Longest Picture Caption" award?

I bet if I tried really hard I could.

But then you would prolly get bored and leave me forever.

And I can't have that cause I need you.

You keep me sane.

Well, on most days.

The End.

Flooding = Swimming in Poop

2010-05-04T15:22:00.000-07:00

When we moved to Clarksville I was all bummed out to see the actual size of the hill our house is on. Every time I have to mow the grass I kick and scream and curse the hill. Now that the entire city is flooding I feel bad. I mean really bad, so bad in fact that I baked the hill some cookies and called it Sweetheart. I think we are on the road to forgiveness; well, I hope so anyhills.

The flood waters reached right up to my yard and then stopped! Not that they had much choice as the hill has started forgiving me and was all "You can't get these people, Mr. Flood Waters! She bakes me cookies and whispers sweet nothings to me. And she picks up the dog poop so I don't have to smell it." And the hill protected us. It was like magic!

So today to celebrate our survival we decided to let Chubaca play fetch in the water- one of his favorite activities.

Now, anyone with little Punks knows that you can't have water + kids + splashing without letting the kids play in the water too. So I did what any Redneck type of Momma does and let the kids play. And the neighbor boy joined the party. And by "boy" I mean 19 year old who lives with his parents, doesn't work, and I think he has a crush on me. He just texted me a picture of a rose. I'm scared.

But not as scared as I was earlier when he decided to take his shirt off. I thought my eyeballs were gonna fry right out of my head. Its just not right that a guy has bigger boobs than me. Just sayin.

So after a few hours of playing even Chubaca got tired. The kids are pooped. Well, Littlest just got her second wind so I guess it didn't work out quite like planned. Speaking of poop! As I was attempting to herd the kids up the hill to have some lunch another neighbor came over. Turns out the sewage treatment plant is completely underwater resulting in raw sewage pumping into the river. Awesome. I let my kids swim in poop.

One more negative from the flooding is all the creepy crawlies that have come out to play. Snakes are NOT my favorite. Turtles are okay, it was especially funny to see one kick Chubaca's arse!!!

Moral of the Story: Don't let your kids play in poop water full of snakes unless your name is B-Dub and you are a Redneck. Oh, and don't let creepy 19 year olds have your phone number. Ever.

Sometimes It's OKAY to Smack Your Kids

2010-04-29T19:05:00.000-07:00

Yesterday morning I was watching my usual hour or so of Good Morning America (have to keep up with current events and all...) and Oldest was sitting at the table eating his breakfast. Littlest wasn't awake yet.

Oldest looks up as the commercials come on; cause lets face it, they are WAY more interesting than stupid NEWS. Well, for a 9 year old that is. He had this really funny look on his face. He was really concentrating hard, so hard in fact that I thought he was gonna bust a blood vessel.

Concerned for his safety I asked what was going on. He points to the TV. There, in the commercial, is a kid waking up her mother at some horrid early time in the morning. Her hair is perfect and she woke up smiling. Her make up artist did a fantastic job with the whole "let's pretend I didn't spend 3 hours sitting in the chair and that I naturally look like this" look.

Oldest says to me "I wish you looked like that in the morning. Her hair is all nice and pretty. Yours is always messy and sticking up. And she is happy when she wakes up- you are a grump."

chirp......chirp.....chirp.......chirp.......chirp

The he says, "I guess thats why her hair is nice- cause she is happy. And your hair is ugly cause you are grumpy."

I respond, "Eat your breakfast and finish getting ready for school before I show you what GRUMPY really means." Just another typical morning at our house!

What isn't typical is all the artsy fartsy stuff thats been going down. I start taking meds for my crazies and *POOF* I turn all Martha Stuart on you. Thats also why I haven't been blogging so much these days. I have a hard time sitting still for more than 5 minutes. My house has never been cleaner. Awesome.

So here is littlest showing off our latest endeavors. Now, for each one we made for her she expects one for her 3 girl cousins. So needless to say, I've been busy. And I burned my finger multiple times on the hot glue gun. It still hurts.

These were the first that weren't korkers. They are castles.

This guy is obviously a penguin.

Oh, and those are korker bows behind her.

Don't worry- I didn't know what they were either.

This is supposed to be a cupcake with a cherry on top.

It looks more like a tree to me, but Littlest insisted on the "green frosting."

This one came out better, maybe.

Does that look like a cupcake to you?

Or am I a cupcake bow failure?

And this is the guy that just about killed me. Stupid butterfly.

I didn't have any directions to follow so there was a lot of trial and error.

And finger burning.

I asked her to "Look like a TV lady" and she gave me this face.

Blue Steel?

Anyone?

chirp....chirp....chirp....chirp.....chirp

The End.

Happy Day to ME! Oh, and Charley too.

2010-04-27T07:41:00.000-07:00

Today marks a momentous occasion! 6 years ago Charley and I got married- an event that my family thought would never happen as it takes a special kind of guy to put up with my brand of crazy!

We were trying to get married on the sly; meaning all secret and stuff. Kinda like eloping only everyone already knew it was gonna happen. Then my Daddy called me, the gig was up. He asked if he could come and how could I possibly say no? I couldn't. So we loaded up and went down to the courthouse with a few of Charley's friends and a few of my family members.

Oldest was super excited. At the time he called Charley "Chuck Daddy." Eventually the "Chuck" dropped off and he was just "Daddy" but I won't ever forget how happy he was.

(I know, I was totally slouching... boo.)

(but look how cute I am with red hair!)

I will also never forget how nervous Charley was. So nervous in fact that he had left his wallet in the Barracks- so our big moment was slightly delayed as he had to make a trek across town to go get it. But you know what they say- good things come to those who wait.

And he was totally worth waiting for.

I know I'm Lame

2010-04-26T07:26:00.000-07:00

Ok, seriously. I just today discovered how to read the blogs I'm following using Google Reader. Turns out- way super easier!! I don't have to open each site individually, just scroll down and WHAM! There they are! You are prolly all, "Geesh B-Dub- that is so like yesterday. Where have you been?"
And I'm all "I know, I know, LAMER; thats me. Loud and proud. Tech-NO card holder here."
And you're all "Good thing your so awesome, I guess I can forgive you."
And I'm all "Yeah, I am pretty awesome, I guess I can accept your apology."

But really, this opens a whole new world for me! I caught up on EVERYONES blogs in half the amount of time it took me before! Here is the issue:

I haven't figured out how to comment on your awesomeness with the Google Reader. Help me InterWebbs. Help.

PSA. Cause Everyone Should Know How.

2010-04-21T09:25:00.000-07:00

As promised the Lorax Room Extravaganza continues. This one is another step by step photo guide titled "How to Make a Swomee-Swan From Cardboard." Because everyone should know how to make a Swomee-Swan. Or maybe you are renting a house or apartment that won't let you paint intricate murals on your walls- either way...

Step 1. Get an old cardboard box from the basement. I mean, find one somewhere cause I definitely don't still have a huge pile of boxes left over from moving sitting down there. Totally took those to the recycling center AGES ago...

Outline the shape your're trying to make, in this case a Swomee-Swan.

Step 2. Use a razor blade to cut out the shape. Be very careful not to slip and take out the Punky Assistant working with you. Even if she is giving you a major headache.

You should end up with something kinda like this.

Step 3. Turn you Punky Assistant loose with the paint. Fingers crossed that none winds up on the rug :)

See? No reason to be scared! Another piece of cardboard (that somehow found its way back to my house from the recycling center) keeps the rug SAFE.

Step 4. Commandeer all paintbrushes, paints, and painting related materials and add some "finish work" to said Swommee-Swan.

Step 5. Repeat process until Punky Assistant thinks she has adequate numbers of Swommee-Swans plastered on her walls.

Step 6. Call Mom-in-law and thank her for her brilliant suggestion! Too bad for me Littlest now thinks she needs Bar-ba-loot Bears and Truffula Trees made with the same technique. Good thing I may or may have not procrastinated on the whole "Recycling Center" trip. (I love you Charley :) promise it will be gone before you get home!)

Obsessive Much? Yes, yes I am.

2010-04-20T18:05:00.000-07:00

I just can't seem to help myself whenever I start a project I am consumed from start to finish. Latest obsession? The Lorax Room Makeover Extravaganza! Please be kind- I have never, ever, not in a million years, picked up a paintbrush and painted a picture. Ceilings? Check. Walls? Check. Picture? Nope.

Started with this one...

Decided it was boring and so I sorta copied a page from the book and started adding color.

Not sure if I love this green. More later...

And we have Truffula Trees and Humming Fish!

Finished up some Bar-ba-loot Bears and added another layer of lighter green. Still not happy with the grass.

I repainted the green for the third and final time. And guess what? I think I love it!

Now, this was only one of the art projects in the works. We also painted The Lorax himself, made "real" Truffula Trees, SwammeSwans, and we are currently working on Bar-ba-loot Bears. More pictures to follow, assuming my head stops pounding at some point. Prolly all the paint fumes.

Oh Those Truffula Trees

2010-04-15T07:29:00.000-07:00

But those trees! Those trees!

Those Truffula Trees!

All my life I'd been searching

for trees such as these.

The touch of their tufts

was much softer than silk.

And they had the sweet smell

of fresh butterfly milk.

.....

And, under the trees, I saw Brown Bar-ba-loots

frisking about in their Bar-ba-loot suits

as they played in the shade and ate Truffula Fruits

...

He snapped, "I'm the Lorax who speaks for the trees

which you seem to be chopping as fast as you please.

But I'm also in charge of the Brown-bar-ba-loots

who played in the shade in their Bar-ba-loot suits

and happily lived, eating Truffula Fruits"

"NOW...thanks to your hacking my trees to the ground,

there's not enough Truffula Fruits to go 'round.

And my poor Bar-ba-loots are all getting the crummies

because they have gas, and no food in their tummies!"

"They loved living here. But I can't let them stay.

They'll have to find food. And I hope that they may.

Good luck, boys," he cried. And he sent them away.

...

And at that very moment, we heard a loud whack!

From outside in the fields came a sickening smack

of an Axe on a tree. Then we heard the tree fall.

The very last Truffula Tree of them all!

...

"But now," says the Once-ler,

"Now that you're here,

the word of the Lorax seems perfectly clear.

UNLESS someone like you

cares a whole awful lot,

nothing is going to get better.

IT'S NOT."

...

"And Truffula Trees are what everyone needs.

Plant a new Truffula . Treat it with care.

Give it clean water. And feed it fresh air.

Grow a forest. Protect it from axes that hack.

Then the Lorax

and all of his friends

may come back."

Littlest has decided that she LOVES the Lorax. We are attempting to decorate her bedroom Lorax style full of Truffula Trees and Brown Bar-ba-loots. My super wonderful MIL is going to make her a quilt with Truffula Trees on it. We are working on different art projects to go with.

Only problem is that I am not artsy. Like, at all. So if you have any ideas for super cute Lorax inspired (and super east to make) crafts or whatever PLEASE LET ME KNOW!!!!!

UNLESS someone like you cares a whole awful lot, her room isn't going to get better. It's NOT!

Miss Me? Me too.

2010-04-12T19:04:00.000-07:00

I know, I know... I've been gone a whole lot the last week or two. A breakdown of my day today should serve as an explanation.

Up late with Oldest last night studying for the TCAP standardized tests that are this week. Woke up with Littlest around 5, told her to get back in her bed before I laid a smack down. Promptly fell back asleep until 7. Awoke to a screaming alarm and Littlest locked in the dog kennel with Chuey. Seriously.

Got boy off to school, ran errands all day with Littest. Returned home to find Chuey in the midst of seizures. Administer Valium for 2 hours without any visible reaction from him. Call vet. Vet says bring him in (go figure). Have to haul the 100lb dog down 14 steps to get to the car using his harness in the front and a leash around his back end. Finally make it down stairs without injury to self or dogs to find BOTH punks have run away to the neighbors. Dog still seizing. Track down punks and get all three loaded into car. Worst. Traffic. Ever.

Arrive at Vet. Struggle to get dog out of car. Two guys leaving Vet see me struggle, shrug shoulders and walk to their cars. Jerks. Vet tech people see me struggle up steps with dog. They do nothing. Jerks. Get dog into building, he promptly falls to floor still seizing. Other patrons start pointing and whispering. No one helps move dog. Get called back to room. Vet tech decides she can help carry the back half of his royal self cause apparently it isn't nice for me to use a leash around his mid-section (she suggests a towel for next time). Excuse the hell outta me.

Vet reads me riot act for not having dog on some other form of anti-seizure meds. I lose temper. Punks jumping off chairs in small cramped room. Littlest starts screeching. I threaten hair ripping (off my own head- not Littlest's). Vet dispenses new meds. Follow-up in a week for blood work as apparently new meds are not good for his liver. Great.

Dog still seizing. Give more Valium. Vet yells for amount of Valium already used. Wants to keep dog overnight on full anesthesia. I say no. Dog regains senses, but not coordination (thanks Valium). Schedule next appointment. Struggle to get stoned dog into car. Get Punks into car. Stop at TacoHell and get Punks dinner cause there ain't no way this Momma B-Dub is cooking tonight.

Arrive home. Get punks fed, dog calmed down, and watch an episode of "Life" with said Punks. Oprah should not have been the voice- it really bugs me. And the whole show seems to revolve around sex. Oldest thinks it funny. Nothing funny about Oprah talking sex. Nothing. Both kids have ticks on them. Gross.

Littlest falls asleep on my lap and I put her in the bed. Study with Oldest for an hour for his TCAP test tomorrow, get him into the bed.

Realize that I never put the groceries away. Begin actual hair ripping. Take Xanex.

Happy now.

Typical day in the Life of B-Dub.

Memories and I NEED YOUR HELP

2010-04-08T10:04:00.000-07:00

Last night I talked to Bestie Bekum who is all a-jitter because her hubby will be home in 4 or 5 days. LUCKY! I sure wish I could say the same- ah well, Charley gets to come home in October for R&R and I guess it isn't sooo far away. Maybe. Crap.

Anywho, the point is that we talked about her hubs coming home. Last night I had crazy dreams about the last time Charley came home. Here is the scene:

He was in Iraq for a year and I had a baby while he was gone. Homecoming also meant he got to meet his little girl for the very first time. It was hot and crowded. Knowing Charley doesn't like crowds I moved the kids to the very back of the room and we waited. Oldest held the sign we spent forever coloring in with stupid fine point Sharpies.

Eventually they let the guys off the plane. This happened.

Daddy, meet Littlest

And then, we were all together again.

We took our Dadda home to this:

Yes, we did make sheep out of cotton balls and paper plates. I know, I know, you are all in awe of my sheep making skills.

The part that's bugging me is I don't have any creative ideas for when Charley comes home this time. I won't have a new punk for him to meet, no more sheep, pretty much BORING. I need to come up with something good. But really, how do you top cotton ball sheep? I need ideas, and I need you to send them to me. Today.

Um, not to be demanding or anything but I need the next 10 months to plan this crap out. Brilliance doesn't happen all at once ya know. Get cracking.

Opto-Update and my Kid Wants to be Stevie Wonder

2010-04-01T18:56:00.000-07:00

Littlest had her visit with the Ophthalmologist today. Complete eye dilation and all- super fantastic for a spunky three year old let me tell you. Best part of the day was Littlest's Stevie Wonder impersonation:

We took a trip to McCrappies for ice cream while we waited the 45 minutes it took for her eyes to completely dilate. People gave me funny looks. And stared. A LOT. It made me want to punch them in the eye. I mean, just look at the jerks in the back ground of this pic. What are they doing? Staring. At my teeny tiny Littlest, who is maybe neither teeny nor tiny; but thats not the point. STARING. AT.A.BABY. meanies.

After a few trips down the slide I convinced her that it would be best to get our butts back to the Dr. so we could finish up the madness and see if she needed to get some glasses. I did NOT want her to have glasses. Neither did she. But she was a champ and crawled up in that big ol' chair surrounded by crazy looking contraptions. She didn't cry. She didn't whine. All I could think was "Holy Crap, she is so SMALL!"

Minutes later we were done. It was all over, she stocked up on stickers and walked her happy behind out the door. Glasses Free (hopefully for life). Awesome.

Happy Birthday Zachary and Eliza

2010-04-01T08:57:00.000-07:00

It's a bittersweet day for me, and, as I can only imagine- my sister.

One year ago today dear sweet Zachary and Eliza were born; but both were lost within days. Today I think about the good they brought with them. The way they brought our family together, the love and support they allowed us to share.

Happy Birthday little Zachary and Eliza. Surround your Mother with love and hugs and good feelings today. We love you more than you know.

I can't wait to see you again,

-Aunt Mimi-

And then you Wake Up

2010-03-29T09:24:00.000-07:00

Ever have one of those morning when you wake up and realize just how lame you have been for the last few years? I sure did this morning! Turns out, my meds must be working cause I hopped out of bed happy today. I can't even begin to think of the last time I woke up in a good mood. I don't know if it has ever actually happened. Heck, even my punks know that they shouldn't talk to me till after my coffee.

This happiness is alien. I don't know what to do with myself. I don't even know if I like it or not. Surreal. Of course, it could just be that working out 5 days a week is finally starting to pay off. Or that spring is in the air and the sun is shining.

Regardless of the cause this is going to take some getting used to. Even Chubaca is feeling the effects. I threw his rope toy for him and he is staring at me like I have lost my mind. And I think maybe I have lost it. How can I be snarky and sarcastic if I am feeling bubbly?

I even had FUN at the park with the kids. Even after Littlest ran straight into a pole and bloodied her lip. Whats wrong with me? Send help.

Ahh, Visits to the Doctor

2010-03-26T14:45:00.000-07:00

I finally caved and got myself in to see the Doctor this morning. Oldest is in arse end of spring break, Littlest is the allergy queen, and I am the now over medicated.

Have you read the Twilight series?? I will shamefully admit that I have. And I have seen both movies. In fact, I might just OWN both of the movies- but only because Oldest likes them way more than I do. He even did a calendar countdown to the day of New Moon's release.

Well, one of the characters is Carlisle, a vampire doctor guy, who is described as the hotness. In the movies he is NOT what I had pictured in my head, but for an older guy I guess he isn't too shabby. Maybe.

Yeah, I only wish my Doctor could compete with Carlisle. He can't. Some people get the Cullen, and the rest of us get this:

Now, knowing that Mr. Dr is a bit of a weenie I knew I had to be somewhat patient with his bedside manner. Or lack of bedside manner I should say. (Um, I think he was hitting on me at one point). Basically I had to throw down and demand more Xanex so I can make it through a day without strangling myself (or my punks) (or my dog) (or the neighbors punks) (I think you get the picture).

Turns out he called my Xanex and raised me some Ambien. He fooled me with his p-p-p-p-p-p-poker face. Then, just to make sure there were no hard feeling for the whole "hitting on me thing" he threw in some Zolof, recommendations for therapy, AND threatened blood pressure meds. Then, get this B-Dubbers, he said I need to work out. That is basically the EXACT same thing as callin me fat. OBESE EVEN!!! I left that office feeling a bit like Fat Bastard.

And the killer? I DO work out. 5 dang days a week. Jerk.

Phone Calls and Peach Ceilings

2010-03-24T08:36:00.000-07:00

As I mentioned several times, we live in a Log Cabin. Its a great Cabin and I mostly love it. What I don't love is the few walls that are Sheetrock instead of wood paneling. I don't love them simply because they are painted PEACH. Who paints their walls peach? Not me, that's who. And to make matters worse; the upstairs bedroom and bathroom had matching PEACH CEILINGS. Who paints a ceiling peach? An Idiot, with a capitol "I."

I became a rebel with a paintbrush this week and painted those peach ceilings white. You heard me, I did it. I loudly and proudly exclaim to the world that I painted those peach ceilings white, without permission from the folks we are renting from. Rebel? Thats me! Last night I was a very UNhappy B-Dub. Painting ceilings are NO FUN. Especially after 4 hours at the park and a strength training workout for my legs. I was hurting something fierce by 1:30 in the AM when I finally finished. Is this the face of a happy B-Dub? I think not.

As if I needed any other reason for the angriness, I was also dealing with this:

Stupid hours spent at the Park. : (

But this morning provided some excellent entertainment to distract me from my misery of aching butt regions and sunburned top regions. Littlest was chatting it up on this old cell phone my big bro Coolio gave to Oldest. And by chatting it up I mean having actual conversations, like "I love my family, but Dadda is at work" and "I have a puppy and his name is Chuey-baca," et cetera.

The second time she started with the talking on the celly I could have sworn I heard someone talk back to her. Impossible, there is no service associated with that particular phone. She couldn't have call anyone, Right?

Wrong. She was having a very merry conversation with the ever so happy 911 operator. You hear me, Littlest called 911 and filled her in on the status of each family member, including the dog; and talked about going back to the park, wanting to go to McCrappies for lunch, and how we have not yet brushed her hair this morning.

Needless to say, that phone no longer has a battery. And, I am now convinced, my kids wish to cause me bodily harm in the form of busted blood vessels in my eye. Or maybe my ear, either way. Send help, Xanex, and blood pressure medication ASAP.

Oh, and just in case you are wondering what a peach ceiling looks like part way through its transformation:

It was similar to living in a cave. Badness.

White Kids Can't Dance. Brown Dogs Can.

2010-03-21T17:54:00.000-07:00

I hope in like 15 years I am still hip enough to throw down at a club. I mean, I love shaking the B-Dub Booty and all. I am even working on a patent for the B-Dub Booty Shake, which, just in case you haven't heard, is all the rage these days! Unfortunately neither of my punky punks have inherited my shaking skills. I blame Charley. So, really, in 15 years I better go to different clubs than my kids- I would hate to put them to shame on the dance floor. Schooled by your Mom? Sads for them.

Good thing for me, dogs take after their owners. That's what everyone says anyways, and tonight I was able to prove that a) my punks lack skills, b) my dog is a whole lot like me, and c) for an hour of entertainment all you have to do is turn on some jams and let the kids free.

Yeah, prolly should have brushed her hair... : (

He is calling this move "The Robot." Poor kid.

Headbangers Ball 2010?

I don't even know what to say...

Chubaca decided to show them how its done 'round here

CHECK OUT HIS AIR ON THIS MOVE

I swear to you, skills like his can't be taught. You either have it or you don't. Finally, I have someone I can completely relate to.

Notes of Interest:

1. my camera lens is dusty.

2. Please excuse the blinds- hazard of the B-Dub Booty Shake, I know your jealous.

3. Also excuse my lack of floor cleaning this weekend. It isn't anything personal. If it was personal I would have made sure the mess was bigger- special treats for special friends and all that.

The Day I Almost Went to Jail

2010-03-18T18:00:00.000-07:00

Today was a day like no other. And I have had some doozies, but today takes the cake and will forever be known as "The Day I Almost Went to Jail."

In an effort to Keep it Real, like I always do, I'm gonna give you the play by play- with my internal thoughts in orange.

Phone rings:
Me: Hello?
Lady: Is this Mrs. B-Dub?
Me: Um, yes.
Lady: Hello, how are you doing today?
Me: Um, okay?
Lady: Great, good to hear (ok, is this some telemarketer? Seriously, get to the point already) I am Mrs. So and So from your child's school. (Oh crap, here it comes) And I need you to come and pick up your son as he decided to bring a knife to school today.
Me: WHAT!?!?!??!?!? Are you serious?? (Oh man oh man, he finally did it. He freakin snapped, he prolly stabbed that kid he calls his "Arch Enemy." Oh my, I am gonna kill him. This is it, I am actually gonna have to kill him.) Ok, I will be there as soon as I can get out the door.

I throw some clothes on Littlest, grab some shoes and head out the door. These are my thoughts along the 5 mile drive to the School.

I wonder if the police are already there. What the hell happened???? How did he get a knife in the first place? He knows better! I am sooo gonna kill him, that's it. I guess I should call my mother so she can pick up littlest so she won't have to go into foster care. How am I gonna explain this one to Charley? "Sorry Dear, Oldest took a knife to school and stabbed some kid on the bus and then I strangled him. Don't worry though, I shouldn't be locked up for too terribly long. Maybe I can even get out before you get back from Afghanistan! Wouldn't that be good?" Ok, maybe not. No, definitely not, I think he will be pretty pissed that I killed his kid and all. Maybe I don't ACTUALLY have to kill him. Maybe the po-po will already have him locked up and I won't be able to get my hands around his neck!

Arrive at the school. (Wait, why aren't there any cop cars here? Shouldn't there be sirens and flashing lights? Thats what happened at Columbine. I mean, I know it was a knife and not a gun but what the heck! Oh no, maybe they are just waiting for me to come before they call the coppers. Wait, that doesn't make any sense.

Enter office, start signing into the visitors log. Ladies behind the counter start whispering to each other. All I can hear is "Go get so and so, his Mom is here." Great, they are anticipating my violence. Not good. Perhaps this "So and So" is the one that is gonna call the cops. I can't believe this is happening.

Get called back into the principals office (yeah, you never lose the terrible butterflies involved with the dreaded "Principals Office" NEVER.

Lady: The reason we called you in today is because Oldest decided to bring a knife to school today. (Yeah, thats what you said on the phone, get to the point already so I can strangle him) We are relieved to tell you that we don't think he actually meant to hurt anyone, he just wanted to show off for his friends. (What? Didn't hurt anyone? Does not compute. Holy Moley, does this mean I don't have to kill him?)

Me: Oh, well, thats good. I mean that he didn't hurt anyone, not that he brought the knife to school or anything. Cause that is still really bad and all....

Lady: Well, yes, I think. Anyways the point is that the principal is out sick and the assistant principal is out of the building for the morning, so basically we just need you to take him home and the assistant principal will give you a call when he gets in.

Me: So, what your saying is that he didn't actually hurt anyone? (she nods) And he was just trying to show off? (Nods again) And I don't actually have to go to jail today? Or call my Mother to come and get Littlest so she won't have to go to foster care?

Lady: Um, I'm not sure what you mean...

Me: Um, well, this is a little awkward. Anyways, the point is that not one was hurt, and I just have to take him home instead of Jail or whatever?

Lady: Um, are you okay? I don't know why you thought you would have to take him to jail...

Me: ..... ....... ...... ...... ....... ....... ..... .... .. .. Well, isn't that what usually happens when kids go psycho and start stabbing other kids at school? I mean, its not like I have much experience with it, as I have never actually stabbed anyone before or anything.....

Lady: Mam, is there someone you can call to hang out with you for a while?

Me: You have no idea. Anyways, I am just rambling because I am so relieved that I don't have to kill my kid today. Um, yeah just rambling. Soooooo I guess we are gonna leave now. I hope you have a great day! Um, and if you don't mind, the next time you call to tell me that my kid brought a knife to school can you please go ahead and tell me that he didn't stab anyone. Cause then maybe I won't freak out so much. That would probably be great for me. Maybe, you should work on your phone skills, cause you really had me freaked the heck out.

Lady: Excuse me?

Me: Never mind, we are just gonna go now. I think I need a Xanax.

Exit office.

Yeah, another great parenting moment by B-Dub.

Oh, and FYI the "knife" was actually a multi-tool that had a little pocket knife as one of the attachments. And Oldest had it because we were making a 72 hour Emergency Kit and the paper recommended we include a multi-tool, cause you never know when one will come in handy. The blade is exactly 1 inch long, so I don't actually think he could have seriously damaged the Arch Enemy, even if he wanted to. And, as he repeatedly tells me, he just wanted to show off how cool it is to his friends, he didn't actually want to hurt anyone.

And he gets to go back to school tomorrow, only he is officially suspended from the bus.

Probably, no harm no foul.

McCrappies hearts Shoe Dazzle

2010-03-17T13:45:00.000-07:00

The rain hasn't stopped in two weeks. TWO WEEKS people. That is 14 days of cooped up kids, 14 days of ripping out my hair, 14 days of not going outside EVER. Pretty much hell on earth.

Last night we had to go to a fund raiser for Oldest's school at Chick-fil-a. So, it wasn't like pulling teeth to get the kids out the door for a change. However once we arrived the screeching started. Littlest can out-screech the best of 'em, and it makes you want to shove a rusty spoon in your eye. We didn't stay for too long, perhaps an hour tops- long enough for the kids to finish their dinner and play in the play area for a bit. It was time to go when Oldest came out of the play land and said it smelled like dirty wet socks. Once whiff confirmed it and I decided it wasn't worth the kids getting athlete's foot just to burn off energy. It smelled BAD.

This morning Oldest forgot to take his lunch to school with him, so Littlest and I had to run it up there. I figured that since I had to leave the house I might as well get dressed. I even put on makeup and heels. But not just any heels- my Shoe Dazzle, picked by Kim K, stylish kinda heels. They are silver, strappy, and the heels and platforms are silver snake skin. Who doesn't feel fabulous wearing silver snake skin? No one, thats who.

So after dropping of Oldest's lunch I decided to take Littlest out for lunch. Wasn't trusting the Chicky, prolly all stinky still. The only alternative for an indoor play land is McCrappies. Yeah, I went in there sporting my silver snake skins. All the other Moms were jealous, I could tell.

And then something remarkable happened, Webbers. Remarkable. Are you ready??

I met another Mom who:
1) recently moved to Ft Campbell and
2) has a kid the same age as Littlest and
3) she has no friends yet either.

Needless to say it was my Shoe Dazzles that sealed the deal. I know she was thinking that I had to be the coolest Mom in the area. Shoes tell a lot about a person and mine are screaming "HIPSTER."

She not only asked for my digits but also has volunteered her hubs to watch ALL THE KIDS so we can go work out. And by "work out" she means check out Dunbar Cave and see what their trails are like, so not really working out at all basically.

The stars have aligned themselves today. Bekum is already JEALOUS, and has informed me in no uncertain terms that I am NOT allowed to like my new friend and her punks more than I like her and baby Ty-Guy. All I can say to that one is "Duh" and guess what else? I won't like her more than Rabbit (BFF winner) or Mr. The Savage (BFF RU (Runner Up). I never forget the people who got me to where I am today. Even if it is just sporting Shoe Dazzles to McCrappies.

The Hurting Locker

2010-03-16T15:10:00.000-07:00

Last night I was sitting around bored after the punks were placed into their beds and decided to watch The Hurt Locker. Lets review:

Excellent Movie.
The part at the end when he is all standing in the cereal aisle, totes true. I have seen the same look on Charley's face more than once.
The adrenalin kick is a force to be reckoned with, it will haunt you in your sleep (so I hear).

Probably, not the best flick to watch while Charley is in Afghanistan. Didn't sleep a wink last night. Stupid movie.

Chubaca Exposed

2010-03-15T08:09:00.000-07:00

I know, I know, I promised this post like days ago but it really isn't my fault it's late!!! See, my computer is almost 6 years old. Super Ancient. And like any geriatric patient it needs a lot of maintenance to keep it running. Newest prob? Registry errors (Code 19 for all the super geeks out there). My computer is officially the Joan Rivers. I don't know how long I can keep it up and running, but we have been through so very much together that the thought of getting a new one feels like betrayal. Not to mention that my CD ROMs aren't working so I can't get all my pics and other such nonsense off of this one to put on another. Sads.

But, true to form Chubaca continues his quest for world domination regardless of my computing issues. Charley used to think I was crazy when I told him that Chuey would speak to me. And he never did believe me when I told him "Chuey made me do it." Well, take this Unbelievers, I have photographic evidence that my pooch is possessed. See:

He is looking at me...

Here he is having one of his "little episodes." Usually there is a lot of rolling

around on the floor, drooling, and sometimes gagging.

See?!?!?! He even grows freakin HORNS!

We tried using baby Ty-Guy to drive the demons out.

We were unsuccessful.

Send Help.

Its One of Those, Don't Say I Didn't Warn Ya

2010-03-12T20:04:00.000-08:00

Ever have one of those blogging kinda days where there is so much to talk about, and so little space to do it in? I think bullet points are appropriate for this kind of post:

* First and foremost, I need to give a HUGE thanks to blogy friend Katy for sending Littlest some hair bows. This about sums up her reaction:

Sorry for the creepy red-eye, being lazy today...

* Overheard some kids today, and by kids I mean 14 year old boys, giving advice to each other.

Boy one: "Dude, did you know if you shave your legs it makes your calf muscles grow BIGGER??"

Boy two: "Are you freakin serious?!? Think my Mom will notice if I borrow her razer?"

For this, I have no words. To my Oldest. Yes, yes I will notice if you use my razer, and I will not be happy.

* I paid off TWO credit cards today!!!!! Best feeling EVER, till I looked at the bank account and saw that it was running low.

*To cheer myself up I went and bought a camera. Kinda not quite with the whole "get out of debt plan" but I had to send my other one to Charley in Afghanistan and I seriously felt vulnerable without one. I bought a Canon Power Shot SD 980 IS. Doesn't mean anything to you? Yeah, me neither. But its PRETTY!!

*Charley called and told me he had a dream where we were video conferencing and suddenly my new boyfriend came up and kissed me on the cheek. First of all, I lovingly reminded him, he is married to a freakin hermit who can't seem to leave the Log Cabin without experiencing some sort of embarrassing kid moment. Second of all, my new BFF is a 7 ft tall Trany. His response? "I think I really like your new BFF, has she given you any cool makeup advice?" Me: "... .... ..... Are you sure you aren't gay?"

* This one is for real B-Dubbers, I need your advice! When you go and pick up Chinese food do you tip the guy? I never know what to do! Right there on the receipt that I have to sign is a spot for a tip, but I just drove my happy self and two punks all the freakin way over here to pick it up!!! Today I did not leave a tip. And the old man scowled. Oh how he scowled. Do you tip when you get take out?

* I had an e-mail from my FRG (Family Readiness Group, for those who don't speak Army) lady today. And I quote:

"Please be aware: One of our Soldiers received an unsolicited email from

someone who knew her husband had deployed and offered a "discrete

relationship." ...be wary of anyone offering unsolicited services - some

criminals like to try to determine whose husbands are deployed so they

can target these families."

To which I replied "Some ladies have all the luck." Just got her response. "You ARE kidding right?"

Further, I am an excellent shot with my Matilda, and should she run out of ammo I can always use her as a club. So go ahead Doers of Evil, try and make it past my front door.

* We have too many guns. But Fairy Princess Barbie loves them, so they stay. And really, any of them would be useful if someone tried to break in. Too bad for me they are up and outta reach of small hands. Probably, I should practice getting them down and loaded just in case I actually need to one day.

Anyone still here??? Whew, you are one of the few who actually made it through this randombloggery! And here's a teaser for you: I think my dog is trying to take over the world, one possessed picture at a time. More tomorrow.

Opto-What??

2010-03-11T08:43:00.000-08:00

Had to take the punks to the Doctor. Yearly checkups and all that jazz- nothing serious. Or so I thought!!! A vision exam is part of the whole deal, and this year was the very first time that Littlest got to participate. Her chart is a little different, it uses pictures instead of letters. She didn't score very well. Up close and personal she accurately identified all the objects. At 10 ft away she got some of them and by 20 ft she could only identify the top ones (ya know the SUPER huge ones).

So my normal, average, super cute, three year old is being sent to an Ophthalmologist. Not and Optometrist. What's the difference B-Dub? Answers.com has the answer for you!

Ophthalmologist is a physician who specializes in the study of anatomy, physiology, and pathology of the eye and diagnosis and treatment of disorders of the eye.

Optometrist is a person who is awarded a degree of Doctor of Optometry (OD) after at least two years of college and four years in an approved college of optometry followed by a passing state board exam and licensing.

See, you learn important stuff here. And now I need ya, B-Dubbers. Cause what happens if Littlest is given glasses?? She is three, she owns exactly 23 pairs of sunglasses and wears exactly 2 pair a month for a total of 1.8 minutes. Glasses in real life are going to be horrific, for me- not her- only I guess her too. Anywhoozle what I'm getting at is HOW is it POSSIBLE to keep glasses on a kid??? Please Advise.

She will eat all kinds of cake until she barfs

or passes out in a sugar induced coma;

she will NOT wear glasses.

Not even if cake is used to bribe.

In other news: I think the squirrels have invoked a mating ritual on my roof. Which is indeed a metal roof. Unsure if Chubaca will make it. I just loaded the bb gun cause I think my shotgun could potentially damage the roof. Crawley-scratchey noises must end.

BFF WINNER!!!!!

2010-03-10T09:13:00.000-08:00

Alrighty, enough with the suspense already. Rabbit is indeed the new BFF!!!! There may or may not have been some behind the scene bribery happening involving Ga style bows o'hair!

Mr. The Savage, should for any reason Rabbit does not meet and exceed expectations I will be calling. Still love you long time!
ps spent almost an hour last night looking for BFF charms especially designed for nipple rings. I figure you can have one for your nips and I can put the other on my belly ring : ) will continue the search- promise!

In other news my computer is back to giving me HELL. It hates me, and my kids. It told me so last night. Hence the short post. I will attempt getting back on here when my frustration level is decreased and the computing speed has increased. Prolly follow up with random ramblings cause my head is going NUTS today.

In the mean time check out my new BFF, isn't he pretty?

And Rabbit, I am awaiting your acceptance speech...

New BFF, B-Dub Style

2010-03-09T08:20:00.000-08:00

Whoot! Just noticed that this is my 100th post. What better way to celebrate than getting a new Bestie? Awesome.

Ok, ok, I can't stand it. I have reviewed your New BFF for B-Dub Applications and I must say: I Love You Guys! Now there really can only be one winner of the B-Dub New Bestie Award, but how to choose? I don't know if I can do it- but here goes nothing.

Automatic Disqualification:

Bekum, you already are a Bestie and as such you are ineligible for this contest. Um, still waiting on my BFF charm, btw. And it is true, the arse has ALWAYS been big, and you do tell me all the time. Jerk. And, if you weren't automatically disqualified your answer to #12 would have been the ax for you anyways. TELL ME TO VAGAZZLE? Are you nuts? All I gotta say is you first.

Ian: I can't believe you already broke it off! I mean, I know I obsess over the Ga but that doesn't mean we cant be friends. How did you put it "this isn't working out. I am sincerely breaking up with you." You cut me real deep Shrek, real deep. (And Vagazzled? Google it, something about a Brazilian Bikini wax followed by gluing little crystal things all over so your vajayjay looks like a disco ball. Not. Cool.)

ScoMan: I love you more than my luggage. But no love for the Ga? Unfortunately that is a deal breaker. Same goes for you Bridgette. Without the Ga there can be no BFF. Although ScoMan you did score some extra points for optimism and willingness to get along with my kids. So, maybe this is something we can work on...

Whew! Now we are down to two. That was tough indeed. It makes me sads to have to choose! Can there be a tie, or is that cheating? I don't know if I can do it.

Alright, here is the solution! Below are the responses from both remaining contenders. Webbers, your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to review and VOTE! Sa-Weet. This way I won't actually have to choose- you get to do it for me! The Contenders (wait, wasn't that a reality show? Even better) are Rabbit and The Savage. Here we go (my comments are in purple):

1. Are you male or female?
Rabbit: Sometimes.
The Savage: Male

2. Do you now, or have you ever obsessed over Lady Gaga?
Rabbit: I was the original Gaga. Rewind several years and you will see Dazey Mayhem on a cross bleeding ON the audience with a crown of thorns to Army of Lover's "Crucified." (The Original Ga? Perhaps I love you.)
The Savage: I wouldn't say obsessed but I do like her stuff... her music kicks ass too (Well, as long as you like her stuff...)

3. Are you homosexual? If you answer no to this one: Are you willing to be?
Rabbit: That guy at the truck stop sure seems to think so... (is that a yes?)
The Savage: No but I can pretend I have a Kids in the Hall-worthy lisp (ashamed to admit that I am not sure what this means.)

4. Are you able to provide fashion advice?
Rabbit: Only if you are willing to take fashion advice from a 7 foot tall tranny with an obsession with all things untoward. (Who better to give fashion advice?)
The Savage: As a matter of fact yes (are you sure you aren't gay?)

5. Would you truthfully tell me if my ass looked big? or if I had something stuck in my teeth?
Rabbit: No, but I'd tell you if your teeth looked big and you had something stuck in your ass. Priorities, babe. (Touche.)
The Savage: yes and yes and why you purse doesn't match your shoes (your getting more awesomer already)

6. Are you willing to wear an inscribed BFF bracelet or necklace at all times?
Rabbit: Only if it is made from the remains of my last client. (Sadly Bob was in a freak gasoline fight accident)
The Savage: Only if I can attach it to my nipple ring (Slightly scared, and yet intrigued)

7. Are you willing to accept phone calls and text messages 24/7 for when I am feeling lonely or needy or I if I have a bad dream?
Rabbit: Of course, but calling me to remedy a bad dream is probably not your wisest plan of action. (Why?)
The Savage: yes (thats right, you better answer your phone when I call!)

8. Will you accompany me to the restroom regardless of where we are?
Rabbit: Accompany? Yes. Assist? No. Yo' shit is yo' shit. (thank you for that)
The Savage: yes (your momma raised you right)

9. Are you available for long shopping trips that will (unfortunately) include at least one, but prolly both punky punks who hate shopping?
Rabbit: I am available but no guarantees on disposition. Hot Topic Spawn and The People of Walmart incites rabbity violence. (but I love it when you go off on people- although I don't think my kids should hear it. Wait, I don't even shop at Hot Topic!)
The Savage: If I lives closer but I'm a tad too far away (True, but we could surf the web together : )

10. If you had one ticket to see Lady Ga would you willingly gift it to me because I obviously love her more than you?
Rabbit: Only on the proviso that you provide a detailed analysis of The Tuck. (I expect nothing less)
The Savage: That would be the reason I had the one ticket... and back stage passes too (You would forever be enshrined in the B-Dub Hall o' Fame)

11. If I have an identity crisis and forget, for example, that I am not 18 anymore are you willing to let me down easy?
Rabbit: No. I will just play along. (yes, but for how long?)
The Savage: Sure (so you don't like roll play?)

12. Finally, and prolly the most important, should I lose my mind and decide to get Vagazzled will you happily punch me in the face?
Rabbit: No (can't hit gurrls). But I will provide a thorough desparklification with a pressure washer and Borax. I think that's a better deterrent than a punch anyway. (you have a point. Scared.)
The Savage: Not happily (but ultimately it would be for my own good. I appreciate your willingness to punch me in the face.)

And now it is your hands B-Dubbers! Make me proud, and remember I will be stuck with this new BFF for the rest of forever- so vote carefully!

Giveaway Update and a Day @ the Park. Sads.

2010-03-08T12:29:00.000-08:00

As a rule, I try and keep my posts short. I know ya'll are all pretty busy and all. Today is gonna have to be the exception cause SOOO much happened this weekend and I promised an update on the Giveaway Extravaganza. If your not sure what it is- you must be newish to my blog so go here and catch up.

Just the bare facts:

In the last week I entered 69 (he he) giveaways. Of those 69, 22 of the giveaways have ended. Of the 22 giveaways that ended I won the following:

Misikko Flat Iron- retail value: $300.00
Bee Well Tee Shirt- retail value: (their site is having technical difficulties so I am guessing here) $20.00
Eden Fantasy (oh, yes Webbers!) Giftcard: $25.00
Bored Inc. (choice of 1 item): super glamorous black purse with candy print for Littlest: $30.00
Super Cute Hair Bows (also for Littlest) from Backwoods Boy and a Fairytale Princess: Priceless.

So, funny and also true story, the top 4 giveaway prizes were all from the same place! It would appear that the only time I win a giveaway (with the exception of 1) is when it's from Mass Hole Mommy. I think its because I scream at her on twitter and she thinks the niceness will end unless she bribes me with free stuff. And she is pretty much right.

So enough with the giveaways and onto the horror that was yesterday. See you prolly all thought I was being funny with the whole "Accepting Best Friend Applications" post. Turns out, I really and truly NEED you. We moved to Tennessee the week before Christmas. And by "we" I mean the kids and I- Charley had to go up to Montana and meet with the movers and pick up his truck. He finally arrived about the 4th of January. Christmas just wasn't the same this year, thats for sure.

Anywhoozle, since we moved here I have met exactly 3 people. Trist, who technically is Charley's friend not mine, and is now deployed. My neighbors, who are a lovely couple that over scheduled themselves leaving no time for hanging out with the psycho that move in next door. And thats it. The complete list. Sads.

In my own defense we have had a lot of visitors- in-laws, siblings, Besties, and my Daddy-O (aka Captain Normal). So now that Charley and Trist are gone and pretty much everyone I know has come to visit I have not much to look forward to. I need some friends.

Yesterday was an awesome day (weather wise) so I decided it would be the bee's knee's if I took the kids to the park. Added benefit? I might meet some one willing to lower themselves to my level and hang out sometime. I forgot exactly who it was I was taking to the park though, and they sabotaged every chance I had at meeting people.

Example 1. I strike up a convo with this lady who has twin girls (Perfect for Littlest!!) Biggest decides he needs to use the restroom. Fine, I sent him off across the parking lot to the not fab port-o- pot style restroom. He returns a few minutes later and I kid you not says: "That bathroom is really gross Mom! It won't flush and there is POOP everywhere, even on the floor! And there was no toilet paper so I had to go outside and get some leaves to wipe with. I think I got some poop on my shoe."

Needless to say that by the time he was done narrating his tale the other Mom had split the coop. Strike 1 for B-Dub.

Example 2. My dog Chubaca loves the park! Especially when I let him go down the slide with the kids. Littlest was playing with a new friend and wanted to show said friend how Chuey can go down the slide. The park was PACKED and I didn't want to let him off the leash in case he got a hair up his arse to run away (which he does at every opportunity). Solution? I would go down the slide too! Perfect! So I haul myself up the stairs leading the dog. Littlest goes down the slide, her friend goes, my turn! I start down, leash firmly in hand; Chuey doesn't follow. I give a tug on the leash and he finally decides to follow. When we get to the bottom I discovered that the reason he didn't come down on his own was that his foot was stuck. Friend's Mom decided to rip me a new one for cruelty to animals. I followed up by politely informing her that her kid looked like a monkey and she needed to mind her own beeswax. Strike 2.

Example 3. I am starting to feel defeated at this point and was about to throw in the towel when Biggest found a boy his age to play with- I overheard something about poop in their convo and proceeded to tune out the rest. Littlest made nice with a girl only 2 months younger than herself! Sa-Weet! So I am chatting it up with the New Best Friend's Mom when the girls come running over. They were laughing and chatting and screeching at the top of their lungs when out of nowhere Littlest says "Uh Oh" and proceeds to pee herself. Strike 3.

Welcome to my life. I have now decided that I won't make new friends until my kids have graduated and moved out of the house. Seriously. I guess I will have to commute to NC (hey, its only a 10 hour drive- no biggie) anytime I need human interaction. Until then I will hide away in my Log Cabin, because everyone knows that Log Cabins breed Hermits. Thats me, B-Dub the Hermit.

Tomorrow? Reviewing Best Friend Applications. If after reading this post you feel the need to withdraw your name from consideration I completely understand.

Applications Now Accepted

2010-03-07T09:17:00.000-08:00

I have decided its time to find a new Best Friend! Not that I won't keep my other ones of course, but there is a definite lack of flavor in my life at the moment and a new Bestie is just the way to fix it! Please fill out this short questionnaire for consideration. Thank you.

1. Are you male or female?

2. Do you now, or have you ever obsessed over Lady Gaga?

3. Are you homosexual? If you answer no to this one: Are you willing to be?

4. Are you able to provide fashion advice?

5. Would you truthfully tell me if my ass looked big? or if I had something stuck in my teeth?

6. Are you willing to wear an inscribed BFF bracelet or necklace at all times?

7. Are you willing to accept phone calls and text messages 24/7 for when I am feeling lonely or needy or I if I have a bad dream?

8. Will you accompany me to the restroom regardless of where we are?

9. Are you available for long shopping trips that will (unfortunately) include at least one, but prolly both punky punks who hate shopping?

10. If you had one ticket to see Lady Ga would you willingly gift it to me because I obviously love her more than you?

11. If I have an identity crisis and forget, for example, that I am not 18 anymore are you willing to let me down easy?

12. Finally, and prolly the most important, should I lose my mind and decide to get Vagazzled will you happily punch me in the face?

If there is anything super important that you think I may have left off of my BFF application please feel free to let me know. I wanna make sure I get this right Webbers. Its important!

It Will Be Here Soon

2010-03-06T12:22:00.000-08:00

I know you are all chomping at the bit to know how my Giveaway Bonanza is coming along. But guess what? I am not going to tell you today! That bit of goodness will happen on Monday, exactly 1 week after it started. Confused? Turns out I decided to enter every freakin giveaway I run across during my daily blog ventures so I can once and for all determine if it is worth the time and energy to enter them. But that isn't gonna be today.

Its Saturday which means we are CLEANING. I know, I know, you guys have seen the pics of my house and have already decided that my housekeeping skills are outta this world. Well, I did graduate as Valedic-tool-ian from the Happy Housewife University. But even this perfection needs upkeep every now and again. And because I am jammin out, I figured I would share my playlist so YOU can jam out too! You tube is pretty awesome for finding obscure music that no one else has heard of, or just the crap I have going. Prepare yourselves:

Alien Ant Farm: Smooth Criminal

Beck: Loser

Carrie Underwood: Flat on the Floor, and Wasted

Creed: Higher

Deana Carter: Did I Shave my Legs for This???

Eve Six: Inside Out

Fall Out Boy: Nobody Puts Baby in the Corner

Fuel: Hemorrhage

Hole: Celebrity Skin

Jem: 24 and You Will Make It

Lit: My Own Worst Enemy

Miranda Lambert: Crazy Ex-Girlfriend and Gunpowder and Lead

Misfits: Die, Die My Darling

Oasis: Morning Glory

Rascal Flats: Fast Cars and Freedom

Stone Temple Pilots: Creep

Weezer: Buddy Holly

This list got me through the kitchen, then I had to start another one. I know, I just can't seem to keep to one genre. And I am a better person for it. Just sayin.

So go, B-Dubbers! Play some Music, Clean your House, and Enjoy the Ride!

Whats on your playlist anywhoozle? I'm always looking for something new!

ps. Yes, I did just tell you to clean. Now you know how my kids feel : )

Update! I forgot to mention all things Ga. Forgive me. Pretty much after each of these songs I played a GAGA. Current fav? Dancing in the Dark. More on this later. -B-Dub Diddle

One More Time

2010-03-05T08:48:00.000-08:00

Since I decided to try the whole "Friday Follow" thingy one more time I need to ensure you know what your getting when you join my crazy. Your Welcome.

The hubbs Charley

My two punks, Biggest and Littlest. Bestie Bekum's Baby Ty-Guy

Afghanie Update

2010-03-04T09:14:00.000-08:00

It has been a good two days for communication with Charley! I have received two emails and a phone call. I think this is some kind of record, as we usually talk about once a week or so.

Charley making sure his new gear fit. Once again with the Log Cabin : )

Charley has had it rough trying to make it to his FOB. Apparently there is no such thing as a direct flight to Afghanistan FOBs. Once he arrived in Afghanistan he spent more than a week waiting on hopper flights (of which there were 3) to get to Wilderness. FOB Wilderness is right on the border with Pakistan, and it is small. Too small if you ask me. So small that they don't have a place to pick up basic necessities. I have to send a monthly package including toothpaste, soap, deodorant, razers, you name it. If he needs it I have to send it.

The reason for the call this morning? Just to let me know that he will not be staying at Wilderness. Instead he is being stationed at an even SMALLER FOB. I can't believe it! Worst.Luck.Ever. And to make matters worse, his battle buddy Trist (featured in several blogs recently) won't be going with him. He gets to stay at Wilderness.

Trist, all ready to go. And yep, took a picture of himself. Goof.

And by now you are prolly wondering what the big deal is. I mean, really, one FOB is a good as another right? Um, no. The smaller the FOB the more action they see. The more danger there is. The harder the missions are. Not to mention that if there is trouble it takes even LONGER to get BACKUP. And the icing on the cake is that the only guy over there that Charley has trained with won't be with him.

So, Interwebby Friends, today I am sad. And mad. And prolly a little terrified of the Unknown. I don't like the way things are working out. I think I am going to melt down and have an absolute panic attack. So I am off to the shower to try and calm myself down, and to have a bit of a cry without the kids seeing me. I'm an Army Wife.

ps. FOB stands for Forward Operating Base. I know you don't all speak Army!

Givingahootery!

2010-03-03T07:22:00.000-08:00

So remember a few weeks ago when I told you I had my girls come for a visit? Well, they really did! I wasn't making that up, I promise. I know, I know, I didn't deliver the goods as far as photographic evidence is concerned. But there is are really real reason behind it you see; I had to wait for the pics to make an appearance in my inbox because I am lame and lost both chargers for my camera. Fortunately, the chargers have re-appeared, and T sent me the pics she had.

Now I face a real dilemma. If I post these pics you will know: 1) I live in a log cabin 2) I didn't clean my house that day 3) I can still shake it with the best of them and 4) you will see me in my jammies. I don't know what I would do if you took that knowledge and: 1) laughed at me for wearing my jammies 2) ridiculed my non-existent house keeping skills or 3) decided that my shaking it down should be kept to a minimum.

It was the return of my friend Rabbit that gave me courage to post these pics. He is all about dancing, poop throwing, and blogging without Giveahootery. And saying f^%*. A lot. (and you can grab his button here)
So here I go, without Givingahootery!

Now this one is important. See how I am wearing clothes? But also note the SIZE of my belly! Oh man, I look pregnant, which I am not. What really was happening was my IBS was giving me hell, hence the reason I changed in super fab - elastic waistband - clothes. Don't judge me, I don't think I could handle it!

Here they are! Aren't we pretty? Me, Bekum, and T all lined up in a row! Also fab because the background is blurry and you can't see the mess living on my counters!

Proof once again that my belly was KILLING me! T decided to help me out with a belly rub. Hey, it worked for Ty-Guy who is Bekum's adorable fantastic baby boy. The nine month old variety.

From here I will try and keep the commenting to a minimum; you can just watch the chaos unfold. Something amazing happened, Webby Friends, Lady Ga entered my humble abode. The Dance Off ensued. This one is for you Rabbit! Enjoy the Dancing!

Can you say Crazy Anime Hair? Thats how I roll.

Chicken Dance Anyone?

Trist did NOT win the dance off.

No explanation needed.

I think Charley was feeling a bit lonely. He doesn't tend to dance.

Good thing I won the dance off cause if he gave the victory kiss to anyone else

he would have been sleeping on the couch! And I would like to add that this is the

last picture I have of the two of us, and it will remain thus until mid-tour leave.

Also, I was so appalled at the state of my desk that I spent 3 hours cleaning it yesterday.

And to any of you have suggestions for the horrid linen closet? Perhaps a curtain?

10 Years Later

2010-03-02T13:55:00.000-08:00

My bloggy friend over at Pardon My Dust has roped me into this one! So, essentially, I need to write about where I will be in 10 years. Not such an easy task for an Army Wife who has moved 6 or 7 times in the last 6 years. Lets begin!

Here are the rules:

1. Post where you want to be in 10 years

2. Pass it on to 10 of your bloggy friends!

10 years down the road I will offically be so close to 40 I can smell it. Biggest Punk will have graduated High School, and he better be in college if he knows what is good for him! Littlest Punk will be entering her teen years, which will require much ripping of hair and gnashing of teeth on my part, I am sure. I will also have a suitably awesome collection of shotguns standing at the ready for any teen boy that wants to try venturing into B-Dub Land.

Charley will only have 4 more years of the Army life left! Retirement will be sweet indeed! We will have purchased a whole lotta acreage in North Eastern Montana (Charley's home state) somewhere around Kalispell. On this land we will be building a lovely home, llama enclosures, and highland cattle will roam the mountain sides. I will have learned to spin llama (or alpaca) hair into yarn which I will use to knit (once I learn how) booties the dogs will wear while in the house. Think swiffer dusters with legs, so I will never have to sweep again! I might even patent the idea, but prolly just share the wonder with the world. Housewives everywhere will love me!

Hopefully by now I will finally be able to afford my "fixing" surgeries. I know, I know, I am already perfect- but a little work never hurt! Two kids and gravity haven't exactly improved certain areas, if you catch my drift. Charley will be all the way bald, instead of his horseshoe. Well, maybe, his Uncles both have/had the horseshoe. More on this later.

I will be working at a super fabulous job, that will require wearing heels daily to match the super stylish dressy clothes that are also a requirement. Charley and I will continue working on our tour of the globe, visiting countries some people can't even pronounce. We will have officially moved 2343 times during our marriage, and therefore require constant vaca's to keep us sane.

My brothers will both have decided it is time to give it up and come live with us in Montana. Spend our evenings in front of a roaring fire, sipping on which ever genial beverage we choose for the occasion. Hunting almost year round, camping in summers, and they can go canoeing. By themselves. The rivers there are FRIGID year round. I will stick to my hot tub.

Ah the good life! Isn't it sweet?

And I now bequeath this challenge to 10 of my very dear Bloggy friends!

Now its time to write away my friends! Holla back when your done so I can check you out, um, in 10 years.

Some Gifts are Better

2010-03-02T07:09:00.000-08:00

Ya know how they say the best gifts in life are free? Well, I totally agree! My bloggey friend Savage has been taking requests for poetry. As in you tell him a topic and he will write you a poem. I was totes sad when I headed over to his site the other day and asked him to write about deployments (my hubbs just recently left for Afghanistan-in case you missed it). Here is his awesomeness:

B-Dub wanted a poem about deployment since her hubby is off helping lay a smack down on the bad guys....

It Aint Easy

The time has come

He got the call

It aint easy

Not at all

He has to go

He don’t want to

He signed to serve

He’s got to do

He’s a strong man

With an easy smile

He’ll be gone

For a long while

Hugs and kisses

Have no fears

He brushes away

You’re saddened tears

It aint easy

Not at all

To serve your country

When you get the call

-Mark “The Savage” George

Thank you, my friend Savage, for taking time to write for me! To all my other people out there head over to see Savage! He is still taking requests, perhaps he will write one for you!

And now I have guilt because I can't remember where I found this picture.

I would like to dedicate this one to my two brothers, who weren't man

enough to join the "real" military. Turns out I love them anywhozle.

I'm The WEINER!

2010-03-01T07:44:00.000-08:00

I would like to start by thanking all the little people who voted for me! This wouldn't have been possible without you! Wait, what? No voting? Ah well- my readers still love me enough to put up with blogging about other people's giveaways!

The fantastic news? I totally WON!!!! I guess my stalking of Mass Hole Mommy finally paid off. I totes stalked her on Twitter and yelled ferociously every time she tried tweeting about the giveaway. I couldn't have her messing with my odds of winning. I hope I didn't crush her feelings or lower her self esteem or anything. Nothing personal, which I can say now that I have officially won THIS:

This lovely, super pink, flat iron that retails for, oh, ya know, a measly $300.00! And as it turns out I have been in the market for a flat iron for, oh, ya know, for-ev-er.

Which brings me to the point of this here blog. Is it really worth spending the time to enter giveaways? Thusly, I have only entered the ones that I really really wanted what was being offered. So, pretty much every one I come across. In the past 5 months or so I have won 2 items. The shown above flat iron and a charm that says "Keep Calm and Carry On."

I am going to try a little experiment here people. I will for the next few weeks (lets say the month of March, unless I get bored with it and decided to cut it short) enter every giveaway on any blog I come across. Periodic updates will be delivered and the final numbers tallied so we can all see if it is worth the time and effort, all 10 minutes of it, that it takes to enter them.

So if you are having any giveaways or if you run across some in your interwebby jaunts shoot me a link (either here or on Twitter). I will enter each and every one of them, take notes, spread the love, and report my results.

And, I should prolly go ahead and throw this out there: I have the WORST LUCK EVER. And I almost never win anything. Ever. Except super fantastic pink flat irons and charms that say "Keep Calm and Carry On" of course.

Happy Day Lovey!

2010-02-28T08:38:00.000-08:00

I usually call the hubbs "Lovey" for some unknown reason. It started way back when we first got married and hasn't gone anywhere since. I think he likes it. Anywhozul, today is Lovey's BIRTHDAY! Happy Day to him! I guess this also marks some kind of milestone, his very first birthday in Afghanistan! He has had 2 in Iraq, so I guess it is time to play catch up for the good ol Afghan.

In reality today is a hard day for me, big days always serve as reminders of what we are missing out on. Last night I feel asleep to Lady Antebellum's "I Need You Now." In honor of the day, I will share...

Picture perfect memories
scattered all around the floor.
reaching for the phone,
cause I cant fight it anymore.

And i wonder if I ever cross your mind
for me it happens all the time

Its a quarter after one im all alone and I
need you now
said I wouldn't call
but I lost all control and I need you now,
and I dont know how I can do without
i just need you now

Another shot of whiskey
cant stop looking at the door,
wishing you come sweeping
in the way you did before

And I wonder if I ever cross your mind,
for me it happens all the time

Its a quarter after one im a little drunk and I
need you now
said I wouldnt call
but I lost all control and I need you now.
and I dont know how I can do without
I just need you now...

wooh oo wooh oh

Yes I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all

Its a quarter after one im all alone and I
need you now
and I said I wouldn't call
but im a little drunk and I need you now
and I dont know how I can do without
I just need you now
I just need you now

oh baby I need you now

And if you live in a cave and have never heard this song, this one is for you!

: Read Need You Now Lyrics here.

Happy Birthday Lovey

Phone Calls, The Skinny, and Kokopelli

2010-02-24T07:25:00.000-08:00

Charley called last night, Whoot! It was actually morning for him, but what ev. The good news? He called before the kids went to bed so they actually got to talk to him. Oldest filled him in on how school is going, and how we "get" to make a diorama for school. And by "get" I obviously mean "forced." The amount of homework coming home is killer.

Littlest decided to talk about the Army and how she misses her Dadda when he is away at the Army. Might have shed a tear, her not me, and then she was distracted by America's Funniest Home Videos. Dadda didn't mind as the result was a big belly laugh with some snorting thrown in. Poor kid, she gets that from me.

I was telling Charley about the homework situation:

Me: So Oldest's math homework just about killed me yesterday. There was long division, fractions, and word problems.

Charley: Let me guess, you couldn't do the word problems.

Me: WHAT! How did you know!

Charley: Well, it wasn't too hard to guess, you couldn't do the 3rd grade word problems either.

Me: It really is lame, who needs word problems anyways?

Charley: You better get a math book and figure out how to do them, otherwise the Teacher will think you are blonde.

Me: I hate you.

In other news I have decided I hate the Olympics. They make me stay up way to late at night and make me feel like I have to work out. Why? Who knows, something about being skinnier than me. Except for the speed skaters of course. Have you seen the SIZE of their thighs? I mean really? But they do get to wear super fantastic spandex so I guess it isn't a total loss.

So now my abs are killing me and I walk all funny due to the rubber bands that have replaced my legs. All I am gonna say is I better get the skinny with a quickness. For Real.

My bloggy friend Rabbit recently wrote about Kokopelli who is this guy:

And if you have seen Littlest Punk's floor, which most of you haven't but I will tell you anyways, she has two of these guys depicted in a tile mosaic. Smack Dab In The Middle Of Her Floor. She calls them her "Dancing Men." Unfortunately, that description is a bit too accurate. As Rabbit points out:

"Legend has it, everyone in the village would sing and dance throughout the night when they heard Kokopelli play his flute. The next morning, every maiden in the village would be with child."

To which I say, if there is any "dancing" or "magical flute playing" I will attack the floor with a sledge hammer.

That is all.

Are You Smarter Than A 4th Grader? No.

2010-02-23T16:47:00.000-08:00

The best thing about homeschooling your punks is that they KNOW you are smarter than they are. You get to pick subjects that let you rant and rave and show how much cooler you are than them. Because you are smarter. Oh, and prettier.

Unfortunately for me, my home school reign has officially ended, as of yesterday. And nothing is worse than KNOWING you are not as smart as the other 4th graders. My punk might be, but I am not. I struggled with his homework last night like you wouldn't believe. He picked up on what was happening long before I did.

I can handle the long division, I can handle the fractions, and the mixed fractions. But the word problems? I know that at one point I knew how to solve them. And I remember it being easy. But last night, nada. And really, who cares that SoandSo had 2343 dollars after a week and saved 343 dollars more each day and how much did he save on each day? All I know is that I want to save $2,343 a week! Show me the MONEY!

And really, if someone has to take a boat, an airplane, and a train ride then they could prolly afford to charter a plane and cut out all the middle crap anyways. It would save them tons of time in the long run. Geesh.

So wish me luck, and lets hope I can keep up with the homework. Otherwise I might have to admit to the punk that I am not as smart as I have made myself sound all year. And that would not be cool AT ALL.

Just to prove I am the prettier one, here is Charley in his

birth control glasses. Army issued of course.

And speaking of Charley, it has officially be a week since I saw him last. I am over it. He can come home now. Aarrgg. The good news? He made it over without any incident, and will be in Afghanistan itself in a few days.

Not my Usual, but This Time its OK

2010-02-20T13:27:00.000-08:00

I am not usually a "Giveaway" freak. I don't re-tweet, I don't use MrLinkys, nada. But today I really really really want to win this super fab flat iron from Mass Hole Mommy, so here I am groveling. Groveling in the mud, with my nose full of dirt.

Anyone who has seen the Cousin It experiment knows that I need serious hair care. For Real. And I am thinking this flat iron with magically turn me into Lady Ga, complete with glittery star stickers.

Go check Mass Hole Mommy if you don't believe me. I need more Ga in my life. And I have a long, long way to go. Proof:

And to take this horrific image out of you sweet brain, I leave you with this:

I Too Can Chanel Lady Ga

2010-02-18T17:15:00.000-08:00

Having a bit of fun with InStyle.com and their handy dandy "makeover" maker, thingy. Here are two of my FAVes!!!

This is what I started with. Look! You can see my plant! I grew it all by myself and everything!!!!

This is me channeling Julia Roberts. Um, does this hair make my already gianormous nose look even bigger?

Oh the Lady Gaga look. I think I can pull this one off pretty well. Nothing says "Psycho" quite like the super big blonde with super green eyeshadow. I love you Ga.

Now I am off to the Wally World to purchase large quantities of bleach for my doo, then off to Sally Beauty Supply for some killer extensions. Wait, maybe I should go red?

InStyle, here I come again!

The Pukes and the Lonely Toothbrush

2010-02-17T08:29:00.000-08:00

My girls came, they stayed, and the pukes concord. And now its lonely at my house cause every one left me. Huh? I realize that I am not exactly making sense today but bear with me.

Ok, so really what happened is Bekum brought baby Ty-Guy who was slightly sickly to visit me and wallow in a pity party cause my hubbs was gonna be leaving soon. Sick baby snuggles are the best, they are all warm and smooshey, and cuddly.

Only then on Sunday Bekum was violently attacked by the pukes. And unfortunately for her she and T had to drive back to NC on Monday. Like 12 hours in the truck with a sickly baby and a puking Bekum. Didn't envy them at all. Not one bit. Then we get the word that C has to leave for Afghanistan. Like the next day. Like less than 24 hours notice. Not cool.

Did I mention that my big bro came to visit too? And C's army buddy spent the weekend here. So we were full, to the top, kinda bursting at the seams. And there was vomit.

My big bro, Coolio, left Tuesday morning. And then I had a vomit attack. I almost NEVER have the vomits. Ever. C had a few things to do at hq and got back home around lunch. I slept the entire day. I think I finally woke up at around 8pm. Exactly how I wanted to spend my hubby's last day at home. NOT.

I woke up, he crashed, and at about 12:30 in the AM I had to wake him up. And then he woke the kids. We all drove to Post. Almost made it there incident free, but right before the hq building our littlest punky punk started the pukes. Pull over, puke in parking lot, buckle back up, get to building. Cry a lot, say good bye, cry some more, start the lonely drive home.

Almost made it home incident free, but littlest punky punk wasn't finished with the hurling. Pull over, puke in parking lot, cry some more, realize scary guys walking towards truck. Buckle quickly, tires spinning, get the hell outta Dodge. Puking continued the remaining 11 miles home. It is now almost 3 am.

Get in, give bath, clean vomit, take littlest punk to bed with me, wake up 403894 times to hold the bucket for her. Finally remember the Children's Pepto hidden in medicine cabinet, grab bottle. It was EMPTY. Who puts and empty bottle back on the shelf???? Apparently I do. Give littlest punky punk 1/2 of an adult Pepto. Hope she can handle it. Sleep for 30 minutes or so, Oldest Punky Punk wakes for the day.

Haul self out of bed, go to bathroom to brush the teeth. My toothbrush is lonely. It is all alone. It will be about 6 more months before her companion returns for a quick visit, and another 6 ish after that before her companion is back for good.

Poor toothbrush, I feel her pain.

Randomness

2010-02-10T09:25:00.001-08:00

I know you have been chomping at the bit to know whats been running through this head of mine; so I am gonna let you have it! Welcome to the second Random Thoughts on a Random Day!

1. My three year old wants her own bathroom. Background info: We have 2 bathrooms in our house, 1 upstairs (MINE! and I am not sharing!) and 1 down stairs, the downstairs is for the kids. "The Kids" are a 9 year old punky boy and the 3 year old punky girl.

I asked the girl punk why she was going upstairs, and she responded that she was going to use MY facilities. Oh no she didn't! I corrected her by ~~screaming at the top of my lungs~~ gently reminding her that she has her own bathroom. Response:

"But Momma, brother has poops all in it. I need a clean one!"

Which brings us to #2, hee hee.

2. Regardless of how many times you tell a punky 9 year old about the goodness of a courtesy flush he never seems to remember and proceeds to clog said potty with giant wads of tp. And don't get me started on poo rings.

3. The Lady Ga was on GMA. I LUVRE the Lady Ga.

Your Welcome

4. We have about 3 inches of snow outside. The snow is covering about an inch of ice that I discovered while trying to take the trash to the curb for pick up. We live on a hill and I busted my B-Dub booty, proceeded to slide down the driveway on the Booty, and deposit the trash all over my yard. The trashcan is sitting in the middle of the yard while I consider "plan B" which will not involve B-Dub Booty Busting. I might even pick up the trash at some point.

5. My sister is 13 weeks pregger! Whoot!

And that is all Webbies, until next time.

Random Bumper Stickers

2010-02-09T12:02:00.000-08:00

I keep getting e-mail about super fab bumper stickers that HAVE to go on my rocking out 94 Camry. I guess the fact that my car was indeed birthed in 1994 does seem to grant it special bumper sticker wearing privileges, all senior citizens should have stickers riding on their bum announcing to the world their (in this case) political affiliations. Its a privilege that comes with age, get over it and like it. Here we go!

Ok, ok, ok, I get it. I am feeling a bit "Anti" today. Obama fans need not feel bad, I am against EVERYTHING today, and it isn't my fault that someone made such rad bumper stickers and that my mother e-mailed them to me. Or that C and I laughed for-ev-er about them. Get over it.

Additionally, the countdown has begun. Less than 1 week left of Charley loving. Today Tennessee, next week Afghanistan. But the super fantastic fabulous butterfly filled sparkley glitter fun fact is that my Bestie Bekum, Tee, and baby Ty-guy are all coming to visit on Thursday!!! It's important to squeeze this visit in as C has not yet made the acquaintance of Ty-guy.

Until we meet again Webbies!

Might not post so much cause we are gonna spend some "quality" time before C leaves us. I will be back when I can!

As With Most Superhero's

2010-02-05T08:52:00.000-08:00

I promised yesterday that I would share a guest post from the TrueFather, aka Captain Normal, aka My Dad, and here it is. I asked him to explain how he became the Superhero known as Captain Normal and this is his candid response. Enjoy the Ride!

The TrueFather

As with most Superhero’s, life altering event(s) occurred which changed my ordinary life of husband, father, and young American laborer to Superhero status. The events happened so long ago that the formation of rocks has surely occurred in the interim. It happened somewhere after Gabe the Babe (my older bro) and before B-Dub. For those needing further reference, we’re talking about that historical time period known as “sometime before 1980”.

The event of the transformation happened, not at once as with the Hulk, but gradually over time. A forging if you will; the shaping under the hammer of events and tempered by the sands of time.

Driving along a country road in Cooke County, Texas – the sun was but a few hours from making its way into the morning sky. Time for me at this point held little meaning other than an indicator of where to be and what to do. My current employment was working second shift at a local factory manufacturing airline seats. My shift began at 4:30 pm and ran to 12:00 am, with a standard two hours mandatory over-time almost every night. The job, in and of itself, was not that demanding. The usual stuff – supervising a production line, dealing with the boss, trying to stay on-top of an ever changing production schedule, and all the while running over school assignments in the back of my mind.

School – who would have thunk – this country boy was actually in college. Having a wife and two kids it was important for me to load up the schedule and complete my degree program as quickly as possible. So my first lab or class began each morning at 7:30 am and I went through the day until 3:30. Afterwards I would then head to the factory for work. School, work, family, house, church, with an occasional broken down vehicle – days blurred into days, weeks into weeks, semesters into semesters.

The drive home that night was peaceful enough, yet on this winding back country road it was best never to let your mind wander too far from the present. As I rounded a sharp bend in the road that lead to a steep decent down a small hill and then quickly up the other side to wind further through the Scrub Oak and Walnut of the Texas Cross Timbers region, I noticed a set of eyes in the middle of the road. I slowed my ’56 Ford pick-up truck should the critter scramble into my path. At that moment the World seemed to freeze and proceed as a movie in slow motion – one frame at a time. As I drew near the creature its eyes locked onto mine, attempting to communicate without speech. Then when passing I experienced the sensation of being ripped out of the moment and thrown back into the present - pressed down by G-force as my pick-up transitioned from down to up.

My reaction time was hampered and I was unable to stop the truck for several seconds. By then I had reached the top of the hill. All was still and no-other cars were in sight. I turned my truck around and drove back to the spot where I had seen this creature. Sure enough – there it was in the middle of the road – dead as a hammer. I did not remember running the thing over, so did not have any feelings of guilt or anxiety along those lines; however, felt saddened by the sight none-the-less. For some reason I was compelled to get out of my truck and move the poor animal to the side of the road. My initial thoughts were for future drivers who would be passing this way. But as I neared the creature – a rather large raccoon – its spirit rose up and began to speak to me. I was somewhat startled by the event. I knew that it was the raccoon’s spirit and not the spirit of the dead toad that was nearby. Any boy who has spent time on the Brazos River can tell the difference between a raccoon and a toad spirit.

The encounter was brief, but the instructions I received were very clear. I was to carry the broken body of the raccoon to my home and there perform the ceremony which would transform its lifeless body and release its spirit to run among the stars. The date – October 30, 1979; a coincidence B-Dub - I don’t think so (note: this date is exactly one year prior to the birth of B-Dub which occurred on October 30, 1980 and as such I can claim no responsibility for his craziness).

Several of my co-workers and I had agreed to come to work in our Halloween costumes. I’d had to squeeze the creation of this costume into my schedule over the weeks preceding the event. Fashioning rocket-packs out of large white plastic glue tubes we used at work – complete with air vent tubes and colored lights. But what really set it apart from the rest was my new ‘coon skin cap.

As I was walking across the factory parking lot one fella yelled out – “hey, you look pretty weird!” This drew a comment from another – “looks pretty Normal for him.” And then I caught a question from a third – “What are you; some kind of space Captain?” The rest is history….

Captain Normal with sidekick Monkey Boy, 2009

Who would have thought that such a seemingly normal day would result in the birth of a Superhero that shaped the very fibers of my existence. Needless to say we (the sibs and I) always had the best Halloween costumes EVER.

What are your thoughts on Captain Normal? Interested in hearing more? Perhaps we should play a game called "Ask Captain Normal" in which he answers your questions about Life, the Universe, and Everything. I for one would like to know where he stands on the "Knock Knock" versus "Your Momma" joke debate. Or how he feels about the co-ed shower theory as argued by Charley. This is serious business Webbies, serious. Thoughts?

Been there Done that

2010-02-04T19:29:00.000-08:00

My In-Laws have been here all week. It's been fantastic! We went and lost ourselves in Nashville, we drove all over The Land Between the Lakes park, and today Mom-in-law and I went to a fabric store. I love having someone here to go exploring with!

It hasn't been all fun and games as we found out yesterday that Charley will be leaving for Afghanistan earlier then expected. We only have about two more weeks together. Ug. But, like I promised earlier, I won't spend all my time complaining about it. Life is what it is, and this isn't our first rodeo, or even our second. This will be Charley's third deployment. Any who, no complaining. Maybe if I remind myself enough I will actually be able to stick to it.

You guys are in for a treat though. I come from a long line of crazies you see, and the TrueFather-aka Captain Normal- aka my Dad- has agreed to a guest post. I will have it up tomorrow (I hope). So come on back and check him out. Perhaps you will leave thinking I am the normal one in the family, something I have been saying for years but no one believed me! Or perhaps you will think the nut hasn't fallen far from the tree. Either way, it should be a good ride!

Don't Ask; Why Would You Tell?

2010-01-29T08:50:00.000-08:00

As I promised yesterday we are going to venture into the land of Don't Ask, Don't Tell: a perspective from two Army Guys. Except that when I tried to get the two Army guys to have a serious discussion they decided it would be more fun to play devils advocate for each other. I'm all "Really Charley? Can't we talk about this for real?" and he was all "But we are, well, mostly."

Some background info on Trist: Born and raised in the Seattle area. Proudly announces that 1/3 of the population there is gay (edited: should read third largest population of gay people in the US of A, sorry Trist!!), and he loves the gays, and the rest of the country needs to pull it's head out of somewhere unpleasant and accept everyone.

Some background info on Charley: Born and raised in Montana. Mostly Conservative, but likes thinking outside the box. No problem with gays, wants me to have a gay bff to go shopping with and tell me how to dress. Can see both sides of almost every argument, likes to take the road less traveled. Likes to come up with ridiculous arguments and logics and then tell everyone else how un-enlightened they are for not seeing things his way, even when he knows he is wrong.

The TRUE issue with gay men in the military as agreed on by both Trist and Charley, well, at least for this discussion: Combat MOS's (mos= type of job or "military occupation specialty") tend to have a higher rate of jerks, bullies, and guys who didn't finish high school. Mostly meat heads who will tear anyone apart for any sign of weakness. Like a rabid dog after a bone. And I have heard stories people, mostly all of them exaggerated, but even the watered down version is scary. Now add in a gay male, even with what-ev protection the government comes up with. What do you get? A guy who is going to be hurting one way or the other. Cause combat guys aren't nice. Ever. Except the ones who are like Charley and Trist.

Serious issue right? Except from here we dissolved into the ridiculous.

See, Trist thinks that gay guys in combat MOS's would be AWESOME. And he wants one of them to fall madly in love with him, not cause he is gay or anything. More because if someone totes luvre him, then that person is the best guy around to be in a gunfight with. Cause that guy will do anything in his power to make sure Trist makes it out alive. Hmmm. Good reason to allow openly gay guys into he military? You tell me.

I interrupted at this point to ask about lesbians. Why were all the scenarios about gay MEN instead of including WOMEN??? The response? "Cause lesbians are cool, no one has a problem with lesbians." Really guys, really? Have you ever watched Work Out on Bravo? Jackie would kick your asses! Twice.

And, by now I should know not to bring females into the discussion, but I opened the can and Charley wasn't going to let me forget about it. His response to Trist's point of view? Thats why they don't allow women into combat mos. With all the love going on no one would think straight. And its not safe for the ladies, not cause they can't fight just like we do but cause they would have to spend a lot of their time fending off the advances of the guys in the unit.

He continues: And if we are going to let gay men flaunt about openly then everything needs to be co-ed. Co-ed MOS's, co-ed units (which there already are, just not combat ones), co-ed showers.

Halt. Excuse me? Co-ed showers? Where the heck did that come from? He says co-ed showers are the same thing as having gay males in the shower. I object. It is not at all the same. There will be no co-edness in the shower happening while I'm around.

Charley spend the rest of the evening trying to convince me of this co-ed shower thing. I maintain that it is not at all the same, and if the military really tried to make things co-ed they would step into the realm of womens right, sexual harassment, and any number of badness acts. There is a reason that females are not allowed in combat mos's. And those reasons don't disappear because someone comes out of the closet. But he says I'm biased.

Yeah, see what I mean about the whole "descending into chaos" that happens every time I try to have an intellectual discussion? Ridiculous. So I am calling on you Internet. Help me come up with arguments against Charley's co-ed shower theory. Because he thinks I am biased, and maybe I am a little, but it feels like wrongness. Badness. Worrisome.

And he is talking me in circles again and I can't keep my arguments straight when he does that. Give me fuel for my fire. Help me talk some sense into this man.

The State of My Union

2010-01-28T08:55:00.000-08:00

Yeah, I watched the State of the Union speech last night. I have mixed reactions to some of the things Obama said but that is neither here nor there. What IS here is some of the things Charley busted out with while watching, he kills me Webby Friends, kills me! For example:

Me: Um, what exactly is Joe Biden laughing at?

Charley: Who knows? He is the George Bush of the Democratic party.

Me: Oh, makes sense. Everybody needs one.

Or how about this one:

Me: Can you tell the senate is divided? Look at how all the Dems are going to town with the standing ovation while all the Repubs are firmly seated and most aren't even clapping!

Charley: It's prolly cause Obama keeps scowling at them.

Me: Either that or its cause Skelator, I mean Pelosi, keeps looking at them with her laser x-ray vision and they are too afraid to move.

Charley: Yeah, she scares the poop out of me. If looks could kill, she would be the absolute supreme slayer of the senate.

And on a more serious note, I feel the need to share some knowledge with you. Obama stated last night that he was going to have all "combat" troops out of Iraq by August. The Dems were out of their seats once again, pan over to the Military Guys who sat stone faced through the entire affair. No reaction. And here is why:

Even once we pull out our "combat" troops we will still have around 60,000 US troops who will STAY in Iraq. There is no "Pulling everyone out" that some have thought will happen. And Obama brushed by this by saying we will continue to support the Iraq government.

For a great analogy take a look at Germany. It has been how many years since we HAD to be there. The Nazi's were defeated before I was born and yet we have multiple military bases still operating there today. We started off by staying to "support the new government" and eventually Germany turned into a great overseas base of operations.

I predict that Iraq will be the next Germany, although without the whole "Now its a great place to be stationed" part. Who would willingly live in the desert? Not I. But I would give Germany a whirl. In fact, it is one of our goals to be stationed there before we (and by "we" I mean "he") retires.

Enough of the heavy. Tomorrow's topic? Don't ask, Don't tell: A perspective from two Army soldiers (Charley and his battle buddy Tristan). And they are water and oil people, or perhaps vinegar and oil is more descriptive. Unless they both decide that I can't publish their views. And then I will list them and anonymous. Or just not write it cause I want to keep the state of MY union with my hubby happy and peaceful. We shall see.

Cousin It. For Real

2010-01-27T12:46:00.000-08:00

Ever wonder what happened to Cousin It from the Adams Family? Wonder what happened when he hooked it up with the red headed chick? Didn't they procreate? The answer is yes, oh yes indeed. And I have proof.

Because I am somewhat convinced that I could be Cousin It's long lost spawn. Just look at the resemblence. Sure I keep my do somewhat shorter these days but thats just because I hated having to move my hair to the side if I wanted to sit down. Nothing worse than sitting on your own hair. Trust B-Dub.

And yes, I am also very aware of the fact that I need to get hair did again. Just look at those ends. Ouch. But strangely- or not so strangely, I am not in the mood to deal with it.

Speaking of strange did you watch GMA this morning? Normal Weight Obesity? Really?!?!?!?!?!?! So now being skinny is not enough? You want me to be fit too? Aarrgg. I am doomed to die all skinny and yet still obese. Big ol jerks. Thanks for ruining my day!

Whats that? I just have to worry about belly fat and not the booty fat? Well alrighty then! I am all over that, as I have the small waist and super J-Lo style booty. What, Robin Roberts? Booty fat is good for you? I am officially the healthiest person around. Pear shapes apparently rock. But if I'm keeping it real I would admit that I would rather have MODG's bottom half. Good thing for my self esteem I'm not in a keeping it real kind of mood today. Tee Hee.

Excitement is in the Air

2010-01-25T12:54:00.000-08:00

I've got a feeling that tonights gonna be a good night
Yeah, tonights gonna be a good, good night!

My older bro returned from a vacation deployment yesterday. And if you didn't know, Chair Force, I mean Air Force deployments are really short in comparison to Army ones. His was about 4 months long. Army = 12 plus months. Totally different. He went to Qatar. And sat around, and took some online classes in his spare time. No knocking down doors, no getting shot at, no IED's. Lucky!

Anywho, the point is that I'm happy he is home. Even if it was an extended vacation. And I find myself struggling to not tease him. So instead I will change the subject!

My older bro, whom we shall call Coolio, is all bff with my hubby. They can talk for hours and hours and hours. Buncha GIRLS! In fact, I sometimes think that Coolio likes Charley more than me. And that Charley might in fact like Coolio more than me. It's a tough spot to be in. And ya know what they say: If you can't beat em, join em. So thats what I do. I join in the "My gun is cooler than your gun" conversations. I join in the hunting parties. I am the sticky smelly stuff that holds this pack together. Wait, that's Sid the Sloth from Ice Age. Great, now I'm a sloth...

PETA TURN YOUR HEAD

Coolio turns to Charley for hunting advice, because lets face it- if Coolio ever actually shot an animal he would prolly hide his head in a bush and cry. Cause he is a lover not a killa. I, on the other hand, am a somewhat experienced hunter. And by somewhat experienced I mean I am a grouse slaughtering machine- but the deer are safe. But only because I never can find them. They are better at hide and seek. Lamer.

I would like to point out for all you hunter haters that we eat what we shoot. And we don't shoot unless we are going to eat whatever it is we are shooting at. Except coyotes. They are Charley's arch nemesis, and the terror of small children. So here it is: 1 deer will feed my family for MONTHS. And the grouse are like chickens. In fact, the word grouse means chicken in German. And it tastes really good wrapped in bacon, or fried. But what doesn't, I ask you?

Coolio flew out to Montana to join us in a hunting expedition last year. It was super fun! Gma Jo kept the punks so it was just Coolio, Charley, and myself. Unfortunately the deer played a rousing game of hide and never be found, unless you count the does and fauns. And we couldn't shoot those. But all was not lost! We did come across the worlds largest rabbit. And that rabbit make a super yummy stew.

Coolio and his Rabbit, that Charley shot

for him so he wouldn't have to cry.

And if you are lucky, I will share some pics of the deer that Charley brought home later in the season. My in-laws are awesome and came to visit to learn me all about butchering. Because everyone who is anyone who happens to have married a Montana Boy needs to know how to butcher a deer. That would be me. And I am feeling like today is a lucky day, so here we go: DISCLAIMER, do not scroll down unless you want to.

See, thats not so bad. You mostly can't see anything at all. Now SHUT UP PETA/ANTI-HUNTING EQUIVALENTS, I was feeding my family. And it sure was good eats!

Welcome home Coolio, glad your back, and Charley wants to know if you are available for a hog hunt before he deploys? Also, he says he misses you and wants to know if he can call you, and if you will wear the best friends forever bracelet that he made you. Lame-o's.

Learnign Words for Dummies

2010-01-23T16:41:00.000-08:00

The following conversation happened this evening. It is also a prime example of why I really shouldn't homeschool our oldest punk- I can't even teach a three year old.

Littlest Punk (AKA #2): Do you see the potato Dadda?

Charley: What potato?

#2: That potato (while pointing at the TV)

Charley: Oh do you mean the volcano?

#2: No, its a potato. Can you say po-tay-toe?

Charley: Yep I can say potato but that is, in fact, a volcano.

#2: No Dadda, Momma said that is a po-tay-toe....

Charley: (scowling in my general direction) Well, Momma might be wrong on this one...

#2: No Dadda, your wrong! Say po-tay-toe! Say it!

More scowling. And maybe an evil eye. In my own defense, I do not recall ever telling her a volcano was a potato. Or ever talking to her about volcanoes in general. Then the madness continues when my phone vibrated its self off the table.

#2: Momma, your walkie talkie is moving!

Me: Oh thats nice dear,

#2: Here Momma, its your walkie talkie!

Me: Ok, just put it on the table.

Charley: Geesh B-Dub, what a nice walkie talkie you have.

Me: Huh? I'm sorry, what are we talking about, I wasn't exactly paying any attention to you two.

Charley: (more scowling)

Typical night in our house. Welcome.

Culture, in a small dose.

2010-01-22T13:22:00.000-08:00

Perhaps you remember that I decided to homeschool my oldest punk this year. Perhaps you don't, or perhaps you are new and never knew it in the first place. Anyway you slice it, you all now know that I am. Only, not for much longer cause this Momma is sending the Punk back to public school. The boy needs to go, and I need some sanity, and he told me he likes it better cause he has more friends. Thats fine with me! And not the reason for this post at all, but my ADD has kicked into high gear today.

Last night we started reading Douglas Adams's "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy." If you can handle abnormal, this is the book for you! Come join the crazy with me, while I expand your horizons a bit with an excerpt:

Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the Western Spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun.
Orbiting this at a distance of roughly ninety-eight million miles is an utterly insignificant little blue-green planet whose ape-descended life forms are so amazingly primitive that they still think digital watches are a pretty neat idea.
...

Most of the people living on it were unhappy for pretty much of the time. many solutions were suggested for this problem, but most of these were largely concerned with the movements of small green pieces of paper, which is odd because on the whole it wasn't the small green pieces of paper that were unhappy.
...

Many were increasingly of the opinion that they'd all made a big mistake in coming down from the trees in the first place. And some said that even the trees had been a bad move, and that no one should ever have left the ocean.

And there you have it Interwebby Friends, social commentary from 1952. Sorry to say that not much has changed.

Question: What made you write a trilogy in four (later 5) parts?

Douglas Adams: A poor grasp of arithmetic.

My kind of guy right there!

I'll Keep You My Dirty Little Secret

2010-01-21T08:39:00.000-08:00

I know that you know that I know that you know that we just moved last month so I will spare you a re-run of that story. There is one thing that has plagued me since we moved in to our newbie house. See, the basement is also the garage/laundry room/storage area. Multi-purpose to the max!

It also happens to be the "dump it here" area for all the crap I haven't put away yet. Well, last night I had enough. Charley got home early from work and I was waiting at the door with whip in hand. Oh yes, it was on! He was going to help me clean out that garage/laundry room/storage area. No choice, I was putting my foot down.

So he says "Why don't you get started while I change out the struts on your car?" And I'm all tired of getting motion sick from whole rocking in the ocean feel my car has adopted and think this is an acceptable alternative to cleaning the garage. I put the whip away and followed him down the stairs into the abyss.

And when I say abyss I mean this:

Here it is for all the world to see. My dirty little secret.

But really, its not so bad because all the crap at the far end of the pic is all going to Goodwill. See, we got some new furnisher and just threw the old stuff down there. Down in the abyss. And see there is tons of baby crap that I'm giving to my Bestie Bekum for little Ty.

And so prolly 75% of the crap shown in going bye-bye. Unfortunately, that still means I have to organize it, and find homes for the remaining 25%. No biggie, I'm SupaWoman.

Only, maybe not so much on the Supa part. My legs aren't really wanting to move today, and my back is killin, and I can barely make my arms move enough to reach the keyboard. Why did I lift the dang dirtbike? I now see the error of my ways. You win this round Yamaha. Just you wait, I'm heading to the gym and then I'll be back.

And the struts? My loving, sweet, didn't help me clean the dang garage at all, hubby started working and 4 hours later still hadn't finished the FIRST ONE. And, to make it better, he left my car in pieces to finish at some later point when he can get around to it. Pieces people. Like without the front wheels and springs and crap. Those are spread out all over the now mostly clean garage. And I am stuck in the house with two Punky Punks. No means of transportation available.

Shoot me.

Random Thought on a Random Day

2010-01-19T10:24:00.000-08:00

There are a lot of bloggers who have specific formats for specific days of the week. I am not one of those. In fact, I have NO rules about posting. I used to wanna write a blog each and every single day; but then two kids, 1 seizure having dog, and a military spouse put an end to that dream. Now you just have to wait for this awesomeness until I can find the time to write it. So there.

I don't want to make promises I can't keep. Instead of designating a specific day to post random thoughts I will instead post them on random days. Ha. Take that structure and planning! Up yours! So here is the random thoughts on this, the very first day of Random Thoughts on a Random Day!

1. My hubby bought me Fat Free cream for my coffee. Should I take this as a not so subtle hint that the B-Dub Booty is getting a bit out of hand?

2. The reason for having kids is to make your hips stick out really far so you don't have to lean while balancing the laundry basket on one side and a three year old punk on the other. Its all about correct spine alignment. Safety first!

3. The reason the Army switched uniforms is so that the guys (read: the wives) don't have to iron anymore. Wash and wear! Sounds great right? Except my hubby is a pack rat and won't throw away the 39 old uniforms (both BDU and DCU variety) or any of the super matchy matchy gear that goes with it. Serious- is there any reason to keep 395 ammo pouches in DCU colors? Nope. But he does.

4. My cookie consumption makes me feel like an addict. I have to hide while eating them or else the kids will expect me to share. How can I teach them good eating habits while consuming massive quantities of cookies for breakfast? Simple, I make them breakfast and then grab a handful of cookies to munch on in the privacy of my bedroom. Too bad I then have to lug the vacuum up the stairs to get rid of the evidence. Not to mention the indigestion that follows due to eating with too much swiftness.

5. Is there a magical way to make a 3 year old girl stop screeching? How about tattling? No? I'm screwed.

6. You know your kid is the next Tyra Banks when she starts strutting before she can even walk unassisted.

7. Some people's babies look like Monkeys.

8. I used to think that my oldest would be the next Tiger Woods. Now I'm glad he gave up that dream.

And now I will leave you, Bloggy Friends, to revel in the awesomeness of my random ramblings.